The Woody Show

Only in the Bay Area ...

2008-07-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

Longest shortest weekend. Ever. This is where I live now. Seacliff SF. I'm stoked. Hey, also, you can call for aerial photography. Number's on the photo. I paid very little for this shot. It was actually free...

Today's Intern: Blam Sam

Modesto X Fest... Menace went. The band Pepper was there. Mixed feelings about Pepper. Just a weak version of Sublime? Get them off the air. Stop this crap! etc etc. Boo, Hawaii.

Ravey's weekend in a nutshell:

Coldplay - Ravey and Menace went. Apparently there was a hidden second stage where the band could run off the main stage and go to this hidden back stage to play. Interesting.
Ravey kicked Tony's butt in Guitar Hero, she crushed the Aerosmith song she chose to play.
Homeless Jose has returned to the city. He showed up after Coldplay! Much to her chagrin.
Ravey also explains the whilst she was in the potty making doo, she tuned into Alice and caught Sarah giving the Woody Show a shout out and a thank you for our support and mentioning NoName's departure from the show.

Woody mentions that when the show talks highly of themselves, it's sarcasm. We are fully aware that this show is aweful. (I think it's hilarious, but I think I hear the sarcasm so I get it.) It's just funny that we have little to worry about in terms of the competition out there.

Email! Stop the Fighting!
>Re: News article - worst driver based on what kind of car you drive. Woody's stepdad drives a Subaru Outback. For some ridiculous reason, this has spun conversation out of control. How has this justified Kyle to stop listening to the show after 2 years? Just because Woody questions Outbacks as sports cars?

Mighty Joe - questioning Ravey's review of Batman. If it was too long ... compared to Harry Potter, it was comprable in time. Also, she's not a fan of the comic book genre. So, calm down. She didn't say it sucked, it was just bleak. Dark. Dark Knight was dark, people.

News & Sports:
>Another city banning baggy pants: Lynnwood, Illinois. Banning pants 3" or more and charging dudes $20. Apparently this looks keeps economic retailers away. Supposedly, baggy pants started in prison, as inmates are not allowed to have belts, lest they hang themselves. Then the look made it to the street, so it caught on. (I looked for a photo of baggy pants. My mom hates it, I think it's mildly sexy, just depends on the butt it's on, I guess. No sexy photos on Google.)
>BART will be sleek and futuristic. In about 5 years. New train cars have 3 sets of doors per car, instead of 2.
>Texas inmate pulls off a shawshank redemption! Slims down to fit inside a foot wide air conditioning duct.
>Rapper "Buying the Locksmith" went to prison for robbing a McDonalds. And his jingle could be used for McDonalds and bring in lots of money for this excon. Noice.
>A man should be an inmate.
>Washing Post / ABC poll - the majority support openly gay people to be allowed to serve in the US Military.
> Ohio - A man chased a 9 year old boy down the street because the boy refused to urinate in a cup. He wanted to drink the urine? He's spend some time in prison as a sexual predator. He has a long history of this fetish to collect young boys' urine. Was caught exposing himself while driving, masturbating in a public restroom with the door open, and putting up a sign that the urinals in a restroom were out of order in order to collect urine. Ridiculous.
>Running across the stage dressed as a penis. Spraying silly string out of his costume. He graduated Saratoga Springs HS last year.

>Giants nor A's won in the second half this season over the weekend.
>Durham suited up with the Giants and then left for good.
>Padraig Harrigton - UK Golf news. He's to the right. How very. Tiger wouldn't do this?
>Bill Parcells - Dolphin's VP of operations - kicked his Dancing with the Stars teammember, Jason Taylor, for not practicing pre-season with the rest of the team. He's with the RedSkins now.

This week on the Woody Show:
John C Riley and Will Farrell callin' in on Thursday.
We have a Dell PC desktop care of Mountain Dew to give away this week.
Tickets to Sarah Silverman all week. Nob Hill Masonic Auditorium 9/7.
Tickets to the Treasure Island Mustic Fest...

DumbAss Contest (winner)
Name the Phobia
Winner won (Careful not to get envelope served!): Tickets to Treasure Island Music Fest

Speaking of Phobias:

Mottephobia/Lepidopterophobia - Nicole Kidman (I hate her!) has a fear of butterflies. So does Greg. I LOVE BUTTERFLIES. It's what Vanessa means.
Coulrophobia - Johnny Depp suffers from a fear of clowns. He feels there is an evil lurking under the surface. I think we all do.
Chiclaphobia - Oprah - fear of gum
Pamela Anderson has a fear own reflection, it freaks her out. People with face transplants experience this...
Botonophobia - Christina Ricci - fear of plants. Filthy household plants. Fear of swimming pools.

Who friggin' cares!?
Revival story - Austria father that locked his daughter in his basement and impregnanted 6 times has spent 2 months in prison so far. He's requested 30 minutes of fresh air a day, as he's getting a little stir crazy. He's only spent 1/144th of the time his daugher experienced trapped in the basement. MINUS THE RAPE. A-hole.

Music & Entertainment
>Dark Knight raked $155 Million over opening weekend. Broke 3 of 3 Spiderman records set last year.
>Mama Mia in 2nd place also had a solid weekend.
>China - banned all overseas performers that threaten sovereignty.
>Shannon Daugherty (the Megabitch) is scheduled to join 90210. Joe Tata.
>Weeds tonight!
>Final word: Katie Couric is staying w/ CBS news.
>Chinese panda artist is outraged with Kung Fu Panda.

Guess the Airline!
*did this happen already? I'm assuming that American Airlines is the answer for just about every one. Or Virgin Air is for the good stories? "What's ... going... on?"

Today's Guest - Joe Klocek auditioned for Last Comic Standing in SF.
Tonight at the SF Punchline! Check him out. Headlining the Onion Comedy Series at 8pm!

Originally from Illinois, Chicago area. Points out that everyone originally from SF will make it a point to remind you that they are originally from here. Oh, yes. "Third generation stick-up-the-butt." ^-^

*Cobbs Comedy Club was playing favorites with Alice? No more Cobbs Comics rule was put into effect...* This can be turned around when Valerie someone gets fired.

Joe's favorite homeless story - cable car turn around once saw a homeless guy PUNCH a pigeon out of the air.
Joe's mom wanted him to become a priest. She was a nun for 10 years. He realized he wasn't going to become a priest after seeing an adorable girl when they were in second grade... Fair enough.

What do you find that is SO BAY AREA? Only in the Bay Area:

Joe likes to play "What's the smell on Muni?"
Everyone smokes pot. you can get it anywhere.
match/dating service ads for men seeking men on TV
Walk outside and watch a bum take a dump.
See people dancing in the bus - hyphy movement
Tree sitting hippies
the word "Hella"
assless chap on the bus
seagulls grabbing food right out of your hands
dropping a crack pipe at a pizza parlor
random underwear and shoes on the street
vegitarian homeless turning your meat product food offering down
critical mass
Blue tooth or talking to self? Talking to self.
Cops not caring about going 85 on 280
Gay homeless people
creative signs for change
sign to get off bay bridge - are you gay . com bilboard

Joe points out that SF and the bay area is a progressive place without the progress. Love love.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Wisconsin!!
Story: 15 yrs in prison after drugging her 6 year old twin girls. Found 23 digital photos of her BF molesting the girls.
Winner won: Sarah Silverman Tix

Crap on Celebrities:
>Britany gives the kids to Kevin Fed. She will be allowed visitation rights 2 times a week. $15,000 has been bumped to $20,000.
>Verne Troyer - sued TMZ and websites involved in the leaking of the sex tape that got out.
>For those of you who like to drink beer in a can - (Tony) Vinny Paul of Pantera is being auctioned off. Must be hauled off the premises in Arlington, TX. HEAVY. METAL.
>Eddie Murphy is about to star in a movie where he rarely speaks. A FIRST! For Mr. Murphy.

Crappy Birthdays
~ the other Culkin - Josh Hartnett 30 - Damien Marley Jr. Gong 30 - Ali Landry 35 - Jon Lovitz - Robin Williams - Kat Stevens ~
Porno Birthday
Brandi Alexander: 84 films she is 40

Grade Today's Show: 52.6% B (the first B I've ever typed!)

Just the Headline: "Man suspected of killing a hooker with a hoe."

Woodyroni.

2008-07-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Who the heck sings the opening song? I don't even think the artist knows that they did this song. :(

Today's Intern: Sarah, in for Andrea

Elisabeth Hasselbeck ... got on the View from being on Survivor, not even a winner? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She's a blonde moron.

Random cute little website. With funny drawings and even funnier little blurbs. High five! Reminds me of this silly place...

Something about Zach de la Rocha from RAGE. YUCK - 'Wild International.' I HATE it. Everyone else on the show likes it... Woody LOVES it. I'm starting to taste the Beefaroni I chowed for breakfast all over again.

News and Sports:

>FDA approving tomatoes once again. YES! Salsa it up.

>Starbucks to close 12 locations in the Bay Area.

>Someone slammed Bush, called the President a failure. Miss Nancy Pelosi.

>New measure: SF November ballot - to commemorate Bush they're voting on putting his name on the Sewage Plant.

>NJ - woman went to have surgery on a permeated disc. She woke up and got dressed and noticed a rose tattoo just north of her family jewel. She's suing her doctor for the extreme emotional damage from the disturbing tatoo. Doctor claims it was to make her feel better. Fantastic.

>San Francisco has been named the most walkable city. 89/100 from Walk City or something.

>Police now need to be paid to suit up for their position... A little much, I think for any job. It's your job. Get dressed!

>Snakes and Spiders. Whaaaa~ I love snakes.

>A's traded another pitcher yesterday. Joe Blanton to Philly.

>Rocky's and Giants.

>Warriors losing player to the Clippers?

>Tour de France. Doping and cycling. EPO?

>The legless amputee runner was not selected to participate in the Beijing Olympics, despite his Cheetah cheater legs. South Africa.

American Idol Clips: Menace loves these karaoke crackheads.

Menace gets kicked out of the Parking Lot. Live 105 doesn't have a credential. To conduct interviews of the auditioners. Awesome, he challenges the lady that asks him to leave. She offers him a press pass. And she gives him some pointers.

*Chick from San Jose, she sounds like she's 11. For season 8, they weren't as strong as what the show was looking for...

*Some guy thinks he intimidated his judge. Hmmmm... He had his guitar. He had a fun time. (Fast Version) He sang Lithium by Nirvana. The "I'll kill you" lyrics did it for the judges. Poor thing. Who does this sober?! Ha, Woody says if this guy wants to be Kurt Cobain he'd hand him a shotgun. He also claims to listen to the show and Live105. Thanks for lying, DUDE.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Who said it?

Winner won: Monster Super AMA Cross

Music & Entertainment:

>Batman - is out tonight. F yeah. Take that stupid Spiderman. Ugh. Toby McGuire, you're the bain of my existence.

>Mama Mia. ABBA.

>Cold Play's band member wasn't allowed into his own party. His name wasn't on the guest list.

>Black & White etching of a grave as a cover album. Death is sometimes talked about too much and sometimes never addressed.

Matt the schizophrenic from Oakland calls in. All MORNING. His name isn't even Matt or Oakland, I assigned it to him. He's nice enough. Harmless over the phone. He was obviously intoxicated AND schizophrenic. Excellent combo. Hassling me for a job because he's about to win the Pulitzer prize, doesn't have a resume because he's worked as a service man at a gas station for 2 years. "How do I pitch ideas to the show?" I told him to email wtr@live105.com. But he said he refuses and wants a janitor position, that doesn't exist.

Back to the top 5 worst drivers drive these cars: Subaru. The Subaru fan forums bring up what Woody said on the show yesterday. Eight pages of people bitching and moaning about the Subaru lines and the Woody Show. Post is entitled: "Anyone listen to Live105 this morning? Bad mouthing Subi's."

Guess the State (1 winner)
Florida!!

Story: police arrested a couple. after she discovered him smoking cocaine in the bathroom, she beat his head with the toilet seat.

Winner won: Download Fest Tix

Jan Wahl, Hat and Movie Lady!

>Batman's the Dark Kight - the movie gets tiresome. It's too convoluted. You've seen it all before. It becomes a monster movie. Just gore. Surprisingly PG-13. Two and a half Hats. Dreary Joyless Depressing. I LOVE BATMAN. I'm a Batman nerd. I will like it. I might need to have a drink afterwards, but, I'll own it. I'm also curious about a real Batman Comic Book. I've never seen one!

>ABBA's Mama Mia - about a woman looking for her real father. Jan thinks that the cinematography was a little too complicated for the greatness of the story. Chicago and Hairspray got it right. Dream Girls and Mama Mia, not so much. Three hats!

Crap on Celebrities:

>UFC fighter, Rampage, keeps getting into trouble. Hmmmm. Chef Boyardee is killing me today.

>Someone who had gastric bypass surgery wrote a book about a guide to eating right, staying fit, and being a better you. WTF. YOU CHEATED; someone stapled your stomach closed.

Crappy Birthdays:

~ Kristin Bell - Puck - Vin Deisel - Joe Tori - John Glenn - Nelson Mandella - Anthony Edwards - Giselle Bunchen - Sandra O - Josh Hallaway - Chris Cornell - Carlos Santana - Donald Sutherland - Cory Feldman - Jimmy Johnson ~

Porno Birthday:

Jeanie Pepper - nubian porno princess... she is 50. Cripes.

The Woody Show Friday Song:

25% Ravey - Coldplay 'Yellow'

11.9% Menace - Big E 'New York New York'

Greg - Cheap Trick 'Want you to want me'

11.6% Tony - Snoop Dawg 'My Medicine'

25% Woody - Diddy 'Bad Boys for Life'

I move to SF this weekend. Party, party!

The banana is a fruit.

2008-07-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

Katie madeth banana pudding with banana slices and crumbled cookie cumbs. Milk. Pizza. Red Bull. Morning. Stomach ache.

Today's Intern: Katie Doo

Menace went to Asia SF (tranny restaurant) last night for a dinner with a client. Texted Woody. That place is awesome. There was this one tranny that looked better than Whitney Houston last time I went like 5 years ago. Hawt.

"Eating out isn't fun anymore," Ravey. Are lower calorie menus in the works? People are freaking because the menus they are ordering food off of are announcing the dish's caloric value. Much to diners' surprise, even the salads are pretty out of control. People don't want to see this kind of information because they become uninterested in ingesting high calorie foods.

Andy Dick, lookin' like Sideshow Bob or, to Ravey, Satan. I like this guy. He makes me laugh, but... Others enjoy to disagree with me.

Oooo. The show touches on Sarah and Menace. Is this part going to be deleted??

Emails!
>You're right. This is not NPR.
>We get a listener's approval to keep raggin' on Menace. Thanks, Anita.
>Hate on T-man's voice and Love for Ravey's ADORABLE laugh. Yes. Thank you 408!

Pointless Listener Poll - Audience: do you consider yourself to be Liberal, Moderate, Conservative?
46% Moderate
30% Liberal
22% Conservative

News & Sports:
>CIA agent Valerie Plame.
>CSI - Red Lobster employee kills himself in the New Mexico desert in attempts to make it look like a murder.
>Dallas pizza worker was shocked to see her father rob the pizza parlor she was working at. A fellow employee knocked of his disguise and she yelled, "Stop, that's my father." He ran into a pickup truck where her mother and husband were waiting... What the hell. These people.
>Gay Marriage Conversation. I miss it cuz phones are off the hook.
>The Homeless in SF... hm. Mischief and trickery.
>Top 5 Cars Bad Drivers Own, according to AutoTrader readers. Porche. BMW. Subaru on the list!

>That guy found his shipping receipt for the HGH that he provided to key players in the steriod controversy.
>Bloods vs Cripps: Gang signals on the field are a serious offense in Football.
>Farvre still in football news.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Tony Danza Theatre - Anchorman quote
Winner won: AMA Monster Supercross Motorcross Criss Cross

Wow. 'Sucked out' by Superdrag. Who did suck out the feeling? I LOVE THE 90's. F yeah.

Ha! Segways into The Great Abortion Story:
Angela Simmons - middle class mother fussing over her 7 yo son, Ben. 39 year old former real estate agent has kept a secret. She's had an abortion. She was 21 years old. Was accidentally pregnant, used condoms and took birth control. It wasn't in the cards. After the operation. She felt better. Second abortion 4 years later with a dude named Simon. She discovered she was pregnant after he left the country. AGAIN - abortion time. As soon as it was over, she felt relief again. W/i the year she was pregnant again. Super fertile lady. Third abortion. this is fun. She and David broke up. She attempted to move on, started working at a gym. Numero Quatro. Patrick was thrilled to learn that she was pregnant. She aborted it anyway, and he stuck by her. Three years later, she became pregnant accidentally AGAIN. Her instinct was to have another abortion. She felt incredibly guilty. The baby was born premature. Pregnant again. Accidentally pregnant. "I couldn't believe it." She had a fifth abortion. She meets Paul and gets pregnant again. And low and behold. She has a sixth abortion. A year later she became pregnant again. She aborted for a seventh time. A large percentage of women in the UK have abortions on average about 7 times. Okay there are people out there with 12 and 15 abortions under their belt. But... still. More than 5 is a little ... outrageous?

Movie: Citizen Ruth - Ruth is the town slut and drug addict.

Music & Entertainment:
>Emmy's best comedy series nominees: 3rd rock, curb your enthusiasm, entourage, weeds, and something else.
>Wild International - Rage music... Keyboar replaced Guitar.
>Nintendo - new gaming experience. Wii Music.
>Amy Poehler is up for the lead of the ABC Office Spinoff. Written by Greg Daniels. The blonde chick from SNL in Tenacious D's Pick of Destiny. I could pinch her cheeks.
>Poison picks on Def Leopard. Former metal bands spitting fire. Burn!

Robin Williams plays a dad that finds his son dead after an autoerotic masturbation accident. So he writes a suicide note in an effort to give his child dignity in death.

UK Maxim magazine. July issue - how an Indian dude can land a "gory" a light skinned woman.
*A good ice breaker is to tell a suicide bomber joke.
*Don't ask an Italian woman if her family is in the mafia.
*Most american woman are angry at Indian people for stealing all their jobs.

One in three teen girls ________. Will have already been pregnant.
Teen pregnancies have gone up for the first time since 1991.

Sexy Time Fun Facts!
Penis enlargement pants on E-Bay! Okay. Greg wants.
9 women are being charged with prostitution for an oral sex competition. Tony points out that it sounds like a lot of bad teeth and wild pubic hair.

Walk of Shame Stories:

Halloween in Santa Barbara - lost her costume. Didn't have a place to stay. Left the party in next to nothing.
Mom's weekend in college. His roommate brings a chick home that night and instead doing the deed inside, they go at it in the back yard. The chick ends up sneaking thru the backyard where the mom's are preparing breakfast and preparing to eat with their college boys. Oops.
2 girls at his Halloween party end up in the bathroom. Puked on themselves and bleeding. Next morning he hands them some T-shirts and sends them on their way.
At 19 he hooked up w/ his English teacher from HS. He had to drop her off at his old HS the next morning cuz she left her car at the bar.
Rachel - OMG. She went to Rome. The end.
Musician walks home at 7 in the morning w/ a 120 lb amp thru North Beach.
Wedding - best man hooked up w/ brides maid. She walked of shamed down to her bedroom and her parents were right next door. When the elevator door opened on her floor, her dad was waiting outside.
Someone brought a girl over to this his place. She passed out on the sofa and the guy stole her clothes at 6 in the morning.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Andy Dick made the news. Drugs and sex stuff. I missed it but linked the story in like paragraph 2 of today's blog.
>Sarah Jessica Parker is having her mole removed.

Crappy Birthdays:
~ Will Farrell - David Hassle - Art Linkletter - Carrie (Pink's ex) - Alex Winter - Mark Burnett ~

Grade Today's Show: 70.6% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Deaf woman's shouting match ends in arrest."

You are just a person.

2008-07-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

Things couldn't get any worse. When it rains, it pours. Welcome to the Island of Conclusions. PS, weirdos, I thought yesterday's blog stunk!

Wednesday 5:57 Crazybitch ~ Buckcherry

Today's Intern: Sarah rules, boys drool

Beetle... had an inadvertant sleepover to Menace's surprise. But, she is alive, she just called his phone. Hooray! We love you, Jackie.

I get made fun of for having a small studio with a teeny weeny fridge. And then for being fat-thin. Not fishing for compliments, I just... these are small jeans.

Boo on American Idol. They're taking out more of the audition shows, due to the ratings they decided that the audience is more interested in the actual competition, not the initial screening. THAT'S THE BEST PART!! I like seeing failures try to sing, who doesn't? Menace will be heading down to harrass some of the people in line for the auditions... tomorrow.

Emails!

>iPhone stuff. Turn off your GPS. Thanks Lloyd. Saves your battery, too!

>Francisco asks, would you date a man or woman w/o a cell phone? I'm single and I don't have a cell phone and people often ask why I don't have a cell phone. I don't think it's that big a deal. Woody brings up the point that he would NOT date someone w/o a celly because it's impossible to get ahold of them, emergency or otherwise. And it leaves room for shenanigans.

>Who do you wish horrible things upon?

*My 400 lb coworker who adjusts her downstairs lips after standing up.

*We hated my sister's piano teacher and she voodoo dolled him. He died a year later. Delayed voodoo. Woohoo.

>Denise is a mad mother. Yesterday morning I borrowed my daughter's car and was appalled at the response to the story of the man hitting his wife after she started a fight. Actually, I don't care WHO started it, the response should have been, "you never hit a woman!" Mmmhm.

News & Sports:

>Economy talk. Debt, bad loans, the banks. Booooo. Woody's empty flight to Jersey. Dumping money into claw machines and (me for breakfast) vending machines. Kathy Griffin's show had $12 beers and a seven mile line for said beer. The three hour line outside of Apple for the iPhone.

*People are pawning off their ... grille. Zomg. Kendra of the Girls Next Door has one. She should be shot. (I love you Holly) It's just a bunch of sparkly garbage on your teeth.*

>Someone bit off the eyebrow of his brother-in-law. Who does that?

>CA Board of Parole - Susan Atkins, the Manson follower, has denied her of her request to be out of prison. She's been in prison for 37 years. Her husband (wow) said one of her legs has been amputated, paralyzed on one side of her body. But, she's useless out or in prison. No compassion for someone who had no compassion for a person they murdered.

>Hidden camera released of a 16 year old in Guantanamo Bay son of an Alkaida financier. He threw a granade at a soldier.

>UK - 32 year old woman hid the body of her still born baby from her BF and friends in her trunk. She didn't want her BF to know about her affair so she explained the weight gain was a result of an allergic reaction to wheat. WHEAT?!

>American League claimed the victory?

>Packer's new QB...

Got Game w/ Steve Masters

Master's is at the E3 Convention down in LA. Sounds like HELLA fun. Not being sarcastic.

*Steven Tyler - Guitar Hero Aerosmith

*Topspin 3 - Mega awesome Tennis! I'd think best for Wii...

Questions:

Is Xbox coming out with a new version of the console around Xmas? Rumor of a BlueRay feature on a new Xbox product coming out soon. Speculation between Ravey and Masters is that Windows and Sony aren't ready to "get into bed together." Hawt.

Music & Entertainment:

>A member of LIT is really really ill. :( Their dummer, Allen Shellenberger, was recently diagnosed with a grade four (4) malignant brain tumor. They're going to be having several benefit concerts in efforts to raise money to offset medical fees.

>Linkin Park kick of Boston's Project Rev Tour tonight? Anyone going? I'll be there.

>Hancock - kicking ass overseas. 180 million overseas. Kung Fu Panda and Mama Mia are doing it, too.

>The final episode won't air until 2011. What show? Nip/Tuck.

>Buffy pals: Josh Weeden straight to Web "Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog." Oh, goody. Lol. I loves Ravey. Guys, it's a MUSICAL so, rejoice.

>Tom Morello of Rage rips on Republicans and supports Barack...

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Good or Gross? Beanboozled by Jelly Belly jelly beans

Coconut (Ravey) vs Babywipe (Tony)

Berry Blue or Toothpaste (both!)

Juicey Pear (both!) or Booger

Butter Popcorn (Tony) or Rotten Egg (Ravey)

Licorice (Tony) of Skunk Spray (Ravey)

Pencil shavings (Tony) or Carmel Corn (Ravey)
Winner won: AMA Monster Supercross - in January

Gay TV Report Card?

GLAD - 4,911 hours of Prime Time TV to grade the gayness of shows. ABC led the way with a "Good" at 24%. CW mostly because of America's Next Top Model also received "Good." CBS received an "Addequate." NBC And Fox received failing grades. Spike, for straight men, TV had a 10%. TBS has 7%. Logo, I guess, is for gay men. TNT had 1%. None of the channels received an "Excellent," which is GLAD's highest grade.

Stories out of Indiana:

>Custody split - Christy's a Christian and wants her daughters to go to church with her while her ex-husband is a Satanist and wants their girls to go to his church.

>9 year old girl woke up from a nap to her mother screaming. She poked her head inside the room and saw her mother being attacked by a man. So she called 911. Turns out it was just an afternoon grind sesh.

Today's Guest - Kevin Rose of Digg.com

More Techno Babble. What's a hacked phone? Blackberries need a new browser? You're gonna have to get a new phone.

Digg.com - Crazy stories
10 most bizaar Ebay auctions...

Someone is aging belly button lint. Yuck!

Toenail collections

John McCain Pancake $12.50

AskMen's Top 10 Dogs

Bull dogs. Husky. Germ Shep. Rotweiler. Doberman. Pincher. #1 Rhodesian Ridgeback.

25 signs you've actually grown up.
Depression hits the majority of the show...

140 lb tumor removed from a woman's stomach. She thought she was just gaining weight. Her doctor said the tumor was growing there for 10 years.

Highest Dugg stories: April Fool's Prank. Heath Ledger. George Carlin.

Woah - since they were 14 a brother and sister have been sleeping together. She was insanely jealous to watch him get married to someone other than herself. This story was Dugg. Or is it "Digged?" It's DUGG! 'I had sex with my brother but I don't feel guilty.' Yuck? I don't have siblings.

Grade Today's Show: 63.3% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Mormons clear up missionary position."

Crackhead of the morning to ya!

2008-07-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

Nice and early this morning. I'm a little off. I blame the move and being kinda tired.

Today's Intern: Sarah

Starbucks kicks my morning off, much like Menace got kicked off the bus and got ditched in Chinatown this morning.

NOT FAIR - Ravey and Menace got to see Batman the Dark Knight. I love love love Batman. They say it's dark, much darker and longer than expected. Ravey jumped off the Dark Knight train about 3/4 of the way in. Menace grades 100 dildos while Ravey gives it 5. Neutral and confusing. Mysterious. As always.

Tony tony tony! Is moving off the Treasure Island to San Mateo. Apparently when the station had WTR out here before they took the job, Tony looked at three places in the seven days they were here... Woody and Ravey looked at 50 places each.

Emails!

>Olivia - the SF/Berkeley heads are apathetic. They give the least when it comes to charity, they are all about free speech and open mindedness only when it means they have the spotlight and when they take the floor. Midwest donates the most, bee-tee-dubs.

>Ryan of San Jose. San Jose Pride!

News & Sports:

>Treehugger/treesitter news - people are coming down from the trees for personal reasons. However, when he got back on the ground he was arrested for many things, one of which was possession of majiuana. Pothead!

>President Bush - Oil.

>Extortion: woman tried to get $5000 by putting a rat in her meal at a restaurant.

>Oreo Cookie and Jesse Jackson controversy. McLaughlin - black on the outside, white on the inside... Yikes. Hella flack comin' your way. McLaughlin called Barack an "Oreo."

>A man's head had been severed from his body. Police determined that the man cut his head off with the chainsaw found next to his decapitated body because he was upset about being evicted. Now THAT'S a man's man.

>The Bus - one man killed and one was critically injured when their heads were struck by the overpass they were passing underneath. They decided to stand up on the upper deck and then were hit in the head. Nice. Brilliant!

>Homerun Derby news!

DumbAss Contest (2 winners)

Is it dead to real or completely retarded?

Winners won: Monster AMA Supercross

Relationships Gone Bad

*Man dies in murphy bed. Yikes.

*Woman caught fire after the engagement was called off. She doused herself with gasoline and lit herself on fire, found in the fetal position in her trailer whilst engulfed in flames.

*Niagra Falls police were informed that a woman walked into a knife on the counter. Hmmm...

*Bristol Town NJ - 19 year old girl set fire to her bf's house because she found out he took a different girl to his prom. What?

*Watch SNAPPED on Oxygen.

*Man in Canada asked his GF to carve a heart shaped symbol into his chest during rough, drunk sex. He almost died when she pressed too hard and punctured his actual heart.

*Man gets beat up by his wife for passing out beads for seeing bare breasts.

*Jealous husband put up his wife for sale on E-Bay as revenge. Guess she was a hit on E-Bay. Ha.

I'm incredibly gross today. Mind in the gutter of gutters. Oh bummer. iPhone talk makes me sad and resentful.

Music & Entertainment:
>NAS has retitled his album "N-word" to "Nas" - great!

>Picture Atlanic - Cold Play openers! YES! Good for you guys.

>Metallica (Tony's sporting their shirt) - releasing their album on the same day as Rock Banders (or is it Guitar Heros) can DL their album to the game... meh.

>Jack Black (Very Funny) School of Rock II - America Rocks.

>Christopher Ciccone - life w/ my sister Madonna. He doubts Madonna has an affair with A-rod.

Pointless Listener Poll - who do you wish horrible things upon and why?

*A man in church falls and bumps his head and wants to sue the church for the two surgeries, lost income, other stuff.

*Ravey wished that the homeless squatter would go away. He did, for about a year now. Hm. Prayer - is there something to gain from it?

*Dumpser Muffin to fall out of the tree.

*Rich brats to go bankrupt and live in 3rd world countries.

*People in the Marina.

*Prius drivers in the fast lane (funny that).

*Ex wives

We get scolded for stirring up "bad juju." This negative energy will end in no good! Make it stop.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Ohio!!

Story: Last week a guy was arrested for packing 3 tbone steaks down his shorts. different guy stuffed 8 tbone steaks down his pants from the same grocery store. store security stopped him.

Crap on Celebrities:

>13 year olds - taking flying classes. To become pilots... uh.

>Jess Alba - is almost back to her prepregnancy weight. OMG I want to be able to do that.

>Megan Fox - nude throughout the entire movie. No one dares to do it anymore. But she'd be willing to. In an arty way... lol.

>Kate Beckinsale denying a body double for White-out.

Crappy Birthdays:

Brigite Nelson - Forrest Whitaker - Jesse Ventura

Porno Birthdays:

Aja 258 films - she is 45!

Grade Today's Show: 47.5% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Illegal aliens cut in half by law."

Mundae, bloody, mundae.

2008-07-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

"Someone's gonna have a tummy ache!" Homer J. Simpson

Today's Intern: My Name is Sam

Ravey and Menace felt it was a long weekend. Woody thought it was a fast weekend.

Ravey and Greg describe their Kathy Griffin, Menace's Stepmom experience. Apparently his stepmom and real mom have braces. Fascinating.

Katie joined some of the team and went to see Ralphie May. Fun stuff.

Ravey hit the cemetery up for some peaceful, creepy time alone. *Furrowed brows*

Woody went to Universal Studios in SoCal. Raves about the replacement ride to the Back to the Future Ride, which is the Simpsons Ride. Yes! "Best ride ever." They challenge his statement. He sticks to his guns. I still think space mountain is the best ride ever. And the zipper.

Australia has a "cage of death" ride at an amusement park. Choppa the salt water croc. The description is like you are the peanut butter in a croc kong toy. No thanks.

"Chatty" Kathy of Lafyette/Orinda calls in to harass me and then not cooperate with me in order to get on air. Hates on Ralphie May and his rant on trees. OMG 10 minutes of annoying yapping and our attempts to quiet her. Fail. How does California = you are automatically an environmentalist? Also, she hates DOGS. She totally sucks for being evil.

News & Sports:

>Missed the first couple stories. Phones.

>Gym rage - lawsuit in NY a screaming spin class student. Complaints of him grunting and shouting, "You go girl!" throughout class. Sweaty equipment... Yuck. I hate gyms. Cuz as a female, I think you look like a hamster running on a wheel. Men, different story. I DO like the spin class, though. But not with shouty, sweaty noisies. Yoga and pilates. And swimming in an ocean or lake.

>InBev, Belgium, acquiring Budweiser, Anheuser Bush (St. Louis MO) for $52 Billion. St. Louis has 24 hr bars and has the International Dog Museum. St. Louis also has a Tour de Donuts.

>Dog meat has been taken off the designated Olympic menus while the games are in effect.

>Someone sold the naming rights of his unborn son for $100 gas card. "Dixonandwillaby Parton"

>Who is Evan Longoria? Ravey does not know most of the people in tonight's Homerun Derby.

>A's half of the season 51&54

>Ryan Dempster

>Brett Farvre changed his mind. He doesn't want to retire yet. So.... uh.... Hm.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

The Slogan Finder

Winner won: Monster Energy Supercross

It is 2 degrees in the studio. Shiver me timbers! There is something very wrong with Greg's body heat. Get thee to a DOCTOR!

REMINDER: YOU CANNOT WIN TWICE WITHIN 60 DAYS OF WINNING SOMETHING FROM LIVE105. I DO KEEP TRACK OF THIS CRAP, PEOPLE. SO DON'T TRY IT. AND, DONT BE AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE *ISH WHEN YOU DO WIN SOMETHING. PLEASE. Thanks!

Idiots in the News!

*Central Collections Office in Dallas, last week. White employee noticed that paperwork was missing and described the enigma as a black hole. A black employee retorted, "EXCUSE me?" Claimed the racist card. And a black judge orders the white employee to apologize for his racial insensitivity. Uh, excuse ME. Black holes are scientific objects in space that pull in matter by a gravitational pull. A white hole does exist, it's essentially the oposite concept of a black hole.

*43 yo woman pulled her gun from a holster to shoot mice on a trail. The bullet blew thru her knee cap, bounced of her partner's keys, and landed in a coin purse where it was retrieved for evidence.

*Mom in hospital recovering from appendectamy. Her son opted to walk her dogs for her. Upon doing so, he came upon footage of her engaging in beastiality with her doggies. They recovered 193 dvd, 67 vhs, and a pile of data recording her getting DIRTY WITH HER DOGS. Oh, dear.

*Someone attempted to eat all of the McDonald meals off the menu. Ate 10 of the 12 and proceded to barf in the parking lot. Could not finish meals 11 or 12. Boooo.

*OMG The French F up. They did a hostage rescue demonstration and instead of using blanks, they loaded their guns with live ammunition. They injur 15 observers. Sacrebleu!

Music & Entertainment:

>Missed this. I'm falling apart today. I'm so sorry!

Pointless listener poll - what's the one thing physically would you change about your significant other?

Femal about her Male... she'd like his rectum orifice to be larger ... wtf (weird and creepy)
get skinny
gain weight
eyebrows
smaller vagine
inverted nipples
hairy back
smaller boobies

Guess the State
Florida!!
Story: A woman couldn't find her children after a 4 day crack binge. 1 yo boy and 5 yo girl. Smoking crack cocaine. People told her she threw them out of a moving vehicle and suffocated them. She was irrationally calm when reporting her missing children, not knowing whether they were alive or dead. She's supposed to take medicine, but chooses not to...
Winner won: electric helicopter

Wisconsin people are messed up. Three young men attempt to dig up a dead former nursing student from her grave because they had seen her photo in the obituaries, Laura Tennesson (left). They take a bunch of condums, shovel and reach her cemented tomb, but are stopped when a car drives onto the cemetary grounds. Ravey was chillin there readin' a book!

But is she Hot? They're Guilty if they're ugly. You can't rape the willing. >A special ed teacher (34) in Alabama has had several counts of statatory rape with 15-19 year old boys, mostly on the baseball team. Her name is Julie Pritchett. Guilty.
>45 year old, Lynne Long, told her teenage son that he could have a sleep over. She and Angela Honeycutt join in on the boy slumber party and Angela jumps on the boys and shakes her boobies in front of them. They also finish this parade with hand services. Nice. Guilty.
>Teacher has a sexual relation with her female student. Crissy Torcella Hisey. Ravey declares Not Guilty. She looks like a Jollybee worker. The rest call guilty. Oh, and Greg is a fan so Not that Guilty. Hawt.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Anthony Keidis of the Chili Peppers and his 22 year old GF, Chrissy, broke up. He was 42 and she was 19. They were together for 3 years.
>Brangelina had a son & daughter on Saturday in France. All is well! C-section.
>Honor Marie Warren, Alba's baby girl, photos have sold have $1.5 million. Does that = "sell out?"
>Matthew McConaughey sold his baby's photos for $3 million.
>Candice Houlihan (like Patches O'Houlihan from Dodgeball?) her love affair with A-rod. Says she felt bad. But not that bad. Lol. Cynthia Rodgriguez is spending money like a crazy woman.
>Disney Stock - Mylie Cyrus's phone got hacked and her photos were sent to someone I've never heard of. Jonas Brothers? Bleh. Why am I typing her name!? Argh.
>Celina Gomez - plans to remain a virgin until marriage.
>Dane cook's landlord can sue him for letting his puppy poop on the premises.
>Brad Taylor (of Home Improvement) is suing a Choice Hotel for being tazored. The hotel would not allow him back in after midnight.

Crappy Birthdays
Matt Fox - Kyle Gas - Fred Savage - Jess Simpson - Adrian Grenier - Richie Sanbore - Li'l Kim - Justin Chambers - Mike Rosenbaum - Mike White - Courtney Love - Kevin Nash - Tom Hanks - OJ Simpson is 61
Porno Birthday
Naomi Marsala - Indian Asian porno princess. Hot.

Grade Today's Show: 58.6% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Man gets 6 months for sex with table."

Frito Friday

2008-07-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

Help: Oakland or SF? Oakland = commute. SF = change of waiting jobs... :( I'm stressed!

Today's Intern: Andy Drea Cakes (Andrea)

Menace was at a Revision 3 dot com Partay. Drank lots of wine. This weekend Greg and Ravey and Menace's mom, Jane, are off to see Kathy Griffin. Yay! Redhead comedy galore.

Naked man stealing beer at 7eleven in Las Vegas. Jumps onto the back of a bus, punches out the back window, crawls through the back, throws a driver off a bus, drives off 200 yards, and throws himself off the bus while in motion.

Emails from the People!

*Woody show sucks. They are so not from the Bay Area.

WTR hates SF and Berkeley...

*Are you gonna hi-lite Tony's clips for the first half of the year?

*Justin.tv - hooray. Thanks Grant.

News and Sports:

>iPhone lovers! Rolls out today!! Yay. I'm thinking really hard about this one. LOVE! GPS tracking...

>Wildfire in CA so bad so quickly. The National Guard has been called in. Woody challenges what the NG will actually do for the fires... shoot it out? Bwahaha!

>"So Bay Area:" officials in Atlanta, Georgia are getting rid of signs such as "Men at Work." A woman had put out signs that said "Women at Work" but people made a stink about that, and she was told to take it up with someone who cares. Apparently she found that someone.

>Clippers or Lakers?
>When I hear sports info, all I see in my mind's eye is this handsome man, Mark Consuelos. Because up until today, I thought he was a baseball player, not a Soap Actor.

Ralphie May is back in the studio. Excellent!

Woody's going to LA this weekend. And Jen and Wood are facing a sexy dilema... Jen's nani is out of commission and Ralph scolds Woody for outting male intentions and motives.

9-1-1 Calls: ridiculous threats, etc.

*Landlord calls 911 to promise that someone is going to get killed. Someone kicked his door in. The operator asked him questions to delay his murder attempt. He ended up hanging up and killing the dude that kicked his door in. Pointless call.

*One call was prolonged until the police arrive and put a stop the whole charade.

*The guy who shoots his neighbors' robbers in Texas.

*Very angry mom - needs and OFFICER before I commit a 187. Her 15 year old son has taken her car and skipped his community service. Has a hammer in her hand!! He's about to bash his brains out. Ouch.

*My fwen Mark reminds me of the Cop on Pot Brownies Call.

Who knew - Chinese food version?

Missed this... oopsies!

Someone did however call in to advise me of the Hep C epidemic in SF and how people need to be aware for this situation in the city. It's super Hep C.

Music & Entertainment:

>Derby Girls? Camel toe alert!

>Hancock - Meh

>Hellboy II Golden Army - lookin' good! (Jackie+Menace don't like dat)

>Eddie Murphy. Not funny. Anymore.

>Fran Dresser & Giovanni Ribisi are starring in a movie?? Eh.

>Strokes guitarist = "we HAVE to put out another record before people think we don't exist."

Tree Hugger story SPIRALS out of control. Many callers inform me that the University planted those trees in a grove 100 years ago. Jan and Ralphie get into it over the tree thing. Cuz the phones were out of control, I naturally miss the gory details. Juicy details. Whatever.

KONICHIWA, bitches.

2008-07-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Donuts. I'M GETTING FAT. I start to put pants on, a pair I wore last week, but we didn't get very far.... so I'm wearing a different pair. UGH. Diet - workout time.

Today's Intern: K8IE, SK8IE

Katie is recruited to babysit Baby Dean. Father, Tony Mott, offers her video games, beer, and CANDY! Hooray! Oh, the 'specifications.' Tony was considering paying her $100. Who speaks pervert? He does: "Maybe she'll breast feed him." To the left is what Beth and Tony can expect to come home to.

What's worse?

You're stranded suspended in a Sky Ride arial cable car.

During a lightening storm.

And, it's suspended over the Bronx Zoo's Lion Den.

Stories of Rape with a Silver Lining...

*British rapist received a life sentence for raping a woman. He purchased a lotto ticket while under supervision during his prison sentence. He was released after 10 years of serving. The victim is suing him for a portion of his lotto winnings.

*Tufts Univ - someone raped a girl. Aw, I missed it.

News & Sports:

>Government eaves dropping - civil act legislation regarding social surveilance.

>Jesse Jackson thought his mic was off at one point, talks smack about Barack Obama. "I wanna cut his nuts off." Who doesn't want to cut someone else's nuts off?

>CA railway authority is working to propose a high speed rail train that would connect Sacramento to the BAY to LA. Much like ... the Jetsons.

>CHP - 7 days how many tickets have been given for driving on the cell phone. 1,000 tickets.

>The Ramsey family gets cleared. Patsy died of cancer in 2006. Anyway, there's new evidence in the family's favor that they are not resposible for the death of creepy pageant baby, JonBenet... Her life was kind of cursed from the getgo.

>A's fell apart to the Mariners. 6-4

>Giants took on the Mets. Lost 5-0

>5th win of the season... uh?

>Warriors have a signed offer sheet for the Laker's somebody someone.

>LV police arrested a second suspect for kidnapping, robbery, and conspiracy against Walker.

>Forbes: by 2010 Tiger Woods will be the first person to earn $1 billion by playing a single sport. (Happens to be golf. See, something I know!)

CaCa Story:
Taiwan: there is a Modern Toilet restaurant where you can eat food out of little toilet shaped bowls, sit on closed toilets, and eat poo shaped and colored foods. Hmmmm.

Who freakin' cares?

*Australia (?) A man imprisoned a 16 year old sex slave in an underground shack for 19 hours and raped him is suing police for mistreatment. He claims that he was victimized because during his stay in prison guards asked other inmates to spit in his food and when he asked for a drink of water he was told to drink out of the toilet. Boohoo.

DumbAss Contest (5 winners)

Will Ravey's nose know it? Stinky stinky shoes.

Winner won: Hellboy II & Topspin for Xbox 360 & Wii

7:41 AM - I have to poop.

Airplane & Airlines news - Why $4 a gallon of gas isn't so bad.

I miss the first and better portion of this segment 'cuz I'm taking down all the info for all our fabulous prize winners.

*Street walker and her John are stopped to find out he had paid her for her sexual favors with a gas card.

*Shady Lady Ranch - promoting their brothel with free gas for over an hour of "services" at their establishment. Yes! Now you can have sex and get gas.

*Drivers of UPS have been instructed to only make right turns in their trucks. Their research finds that turning right saves gas. Sitting in idle waiting to make a left turn, might as well stay in motion by going right only. Funny that. Yell at the next big brown truck that's waiting to go left!

*Lately people have been topping off their rented U-Haul tanks with water when they return them to the company. Clever. Kinda.

Music & Entertainment:

>COLDPLAY NEWS. Boycott.

>Rise Against - almost done w/ their new album. Considering 'Moonrock' as a title for the album.

>Courney Cox is appearing in 3 episodes of Scrubs. Moving from NBC to ABC. She has blue eyes and dark hair. Hot.

>MGM is remaking Red Dawn of the 1980's... Described on the show as corny and cheesey.

>Robert Downey Jr. is going to play Sherlock Holmes. Sasha Baron-Cohen and Will Farrell are also going to star in a Sherlock movie in the future... The photo to the left is of Downey Jr. as a black man in Tropic Thunder.
>Noel Gallagher (of Oasis) - we have no intentions of pulling a "Radiohead" where fans can DL songs off a website for free. He didn't spend time in an expensive studio in London to give his music away. "F that."

Sexy Time Fun Facts - Tips to get you laid half of the time with half of the women out there.

Australia:

1/4 women on a reg basis look at porn

1/5 are in their own porn

65% of women jill off at least once a month

Half of the women out there want sex when it's offered.

When did your parents find out you were having sex? Did they beat the "slut" out of you?

Dad was napping. They were on the sofa, dad walked out and caught her. Called the cops because she had a warrant for her arrest.
Mom found the condom in their trashcan. Kept it in her pocket
Fell asleep in the car, nakey. Her parents caught them in the back seat...
Tony's mom informs him that they weren't all that quiet back in sophomore year
Woody's dog eated a condom out of the trash?
When she got pregnant
Woody's "beat the slut out" story - he was sent to a Desert Camp thing?
She passed out in bed with her dude, her mom came home drunk, kicked him out, beat her, and dropped her off at the police station.
Great gramma walked in on them at Christmas time

8:55 AM - Was it just gas? I haven't pooped in a whole day! Panic.

Dental Talk makes me wander the streets of cyberspace aimlessly. And I come across this AWESOME website. Ugly Babies Dot Com. This rules. I just hope my kids don't ever end up on any of these ungodly pages.

Grade Today's Show: 80.2% A (B for .... uhhhhh. Stupid?)

Just the Headline: "Die hard knitters prepare for sock battle."

Miss Piggy. Giggety-giggety?

2008-07-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hola, mi amgos. Homework rules. Home shopping kinda doesn't. But my mommy's helping me. Also, I am SO looking forward to the following movies: Hellboy II and Batman, the Dark Knight. Not because Heath is in it, but because A) I LOVE BATMAN (so much!) and B) it just looks badass.

Today's Intern: Katia (for you dummies, that's Katie)

Violence Wins!

>Puppy death? Someone attacked a person for being violent towards a poor puppy. This topic spins out of control for a few minutes, however, I'm paying little attention and miss information somehow... Boo.

>Some chick stabbed a pregnant woman and cut out the fetus/baby to claim it as her own. WHAT? Who the hell does this?

Sluts Next...

>One of the two female B52's singers turned 60 this year. Kate Pierson. Nude photos online.

>Laura Logan - pregnant by a married Joseph Burkett. Laura was going thru a divorce from someone else. Turns out she basically banged her way to the top. She's South African American. Is that how woman have to do it? Rachel Ray allegedly banged her way to the top? *sigh*

Reno 911 & contest winner, Beau of San Mateo calls in to inform us of the episode he's in: Episode 67. He's spotted about 15 minutes in. The show is doing dialogue and he's in the background...

News & Sports:

>Federal Reserve: protecting home lenders from risky subprime borrowers who pay off loans early. This sounds complicated. I will probably understand it and get upset about this when I actually prepare to buy a home.

>NASA - preparing for the final 10 space shuttles. They are retiring the program in 2010.

>Smitty's in Canada. They apologized for kicking out a family because of their autistic daughter's reaction to their menu not offering her favorite meal.

>A flight MIA - NY never got off the ground. The crew was an hour late. Passengers boo'd them. Naturally it was American Airlines. The passengers threatened the crew and used "harsh language." Therefore the flight was so intimidated that they refused to take off. This is a little ridiculous. Who A) shows up an hour late to their flight job and B) doesn't fly a scheduled flight that passengers paid for? I come in and still answer phones. Hello.

>Fatally stabbed his roommate over a heated argument regarding Foot Odor. I have foot odor. Perpetually stinky feet. Gellin' like a fellon. Clever.

*Dry your feet thoroughly. Wear shoes from natural material. Use powder. Wear socks and there is a absorbant foot pad you can use. There's a Goldbond spray on deoderant. I'll but it!

*Daily flossing. 2 annual dental visits. Get your teeth whitened, it helps keep stink breath away!

*Deoderant and Antiperspirant! Menace uses women deoderant. While I use man deoderant. This show is so confused.

>Trading trading trading... Lots of baseball trades!

>Davis left Warriors for the Clippers. Signed a 5 year $82 million contract.

>Michael Vic has filed for bankruptcy protection. Amazing. This fool made millions and millions of dollars. Involved with dog fights/attacks. Whatever. AND STILL winds up filing for bankruptcy.

(XTREEEEEM) DumbAss Contest (2 winners)

Foot-in-mouth contest (can you say, "pigs feet?"). Tony, Greg, and Menace race to eat as many pigs' feet in 2 minutes. Callers pick a winner. Menace's gag reflex goes off. Ravey films it. These feet are stored in vinegar. I would consider pigs feet to be garbage. Smells like they're dying Easter Eggs in the studio. Looks like what they suck out during a liposuction. May the puking begin. I'm so not hungry any more. Greg ACTUALLY ATE ONE. Menace couldn't get it down.

Winners won: Top Spin 3 for the Xbox and PS3 - yay!

Excellent! Katie mans up and also joins in the piggy fest and scores $50 after choking down a pig's foot. *GAG*

Music & Entertainment:

>Metallica 3 seperate versions of their album.

>Madden 09 in stores Aug 12.

>Franz Ferdinand something.

>Guns and Roses something.

>Chris Martin asks that you get off his back about his kids' names.

Woody cleans out his desk with tidbit information that never got air time and serious attention from the show. Let's refer to this material as "the stack." And we'll refer to it as the Bottom of the Stack. We need to add some flare to this to make it a little more pizzazy...

Jot.com - a concept for people to be able to take notes when they are pen and paperless.

Walgreens is coming out with a nicotine enhanced hand gel. Nicogel!

Scientists in Singapore discover that spiders get kinky under UV lighting. Spidies like raves. Yay.

Today's Guest is Mr. Ralphie May

Check him out! He's at the San Jose Improv for several nights!
July 10 - Thurs 8pm
July 11 - Fri 8pm & 10pm
July 12 - Sat 7pm & 9pm & 11pm

July 13 - Sun 7pm

I missed the sex lead-in to this segment :( Has foot problem. He takes vicodin for it. Apparently he's a rockstar on that particular pain killer. His wife is near-nympho status. She wasn't too into getting freaky while she was pregnant, but apparently she's back to her normal kink status.

Stories for Chicks

>Medical Spa in Manhattan - dedicated to strengthening and grooming vaginas. "PHIT" has their clients basically clench their VJ muscles and do kegels around their doctor's finger. Really? I do this on my own, on my own time. I don't need to pay someone $300 a session to be told that I'm nice and "phit." Suck it.

>Pregnant woman from the Bronx - the doctor exposed her genitals to the entire WAITING ROOM. OMG I'd die. According to Woody Math - that's a lot of traumatic imagery and experiences.

>Women who marry uglier men have healthier marriages. I think we established this...

Dental Prank Call with Greg Gory. OMG. I love it. Dental talk = sexy talk. I need to get me to a dentist, myself. My denstist hates AND loves me.

Got Game with Steve Masters. Me love nerdies long time!

Kewl new games. There are more neat songs on one of the ones that you can play music on. RockBand? Guitar Hero? They ... aren't the same thing? Who has BOTH? I'm curious... You probably have a PS3, an XBOX 360, AND the Wii. Like Ravels.

Menace HATES RockBand and Guitar Hero. As do I; I don't like it in theory because it promotes air guitar nerdom. I like nerds, but air guitar is the DEVIL. Do NOT take me on a date and tell me your hobby includes simulating being a rockstar. You're not. Even if you can PLAY real guitar, don't sing me songs acapella. I'll stab you. Stoppit.

PSP is cool because it plays movies. YES! This gadget it HOT. And, girls (softies) I love LocoRoco [image above]. It's THE cutest game in the world. Check out Patepan.

"Skate" is hard. It's more realistic. The next version is going to be called "Skate It." Stevie will have more info after E3 in Los Angeles.

OMG IT SMELLS LIKE VINEGAR IN HERE CUZ TONY PUT THEIR TRASH IN HERE AND TOOK MY SCENTLESS GARBAGE OUT. Thanks, F'er.

I like eating contests. They look like fun. I'd never enter one, but I'd like to see one live. Go Kobayashi. He's a cutie pie. Everything is so CUTE today!

Grade Today's Show: 71.2% A [I grade today an A+ for the gag reflex action.]

Just the Headline: "Illegal wire tapping found illegal."

Hm. Hm. Hm.

2008-07-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

Awwwww. Menace and Greg lurves the show and came into work over the vacation. Granted they weren't out of town... but still... They're silly.

Today's Intern: Sarah O'Hara

CBS gives Woody and Jen Yankee's tickets. 1515 Broadway, 47th floor. NY NY. Check it out. That's where all our $$ is. And MTV is in that bulding, people. Anyway Woody made plans with his family as he was under the impression that CBS would not give him the tix. So he did not make it to the Saturday game.

Woody News & Stories:

>Friends Movie was green lit! Despite reports ... the rumor is not true.

>Rush Limbaugh and Clear Channel - his new contract landed him $38 million a year. Plus a $100 million signing bonus. His brother is his agent.

>Charlotte bound flight quick landing, throwing ice at passengers, refusing to put his seatbelt on, and grabbing a flight attendent's buttocks. Ha! He was intoxicated, kept changing seats, and was disruptive to the point of an expedited landing where cops greeted him. American Airlines.

>First class passenger was so upset that coach passengers that he opened up an emergency exit to exit as soon as possible.

>Borock Obama plane made a precautionary landing. The pilot had difficulty keeping the nose upwards. Apparently the emergency exit slide came out midflight.

UGH HANDS FREE YUCK. For the sake of radio, it's impossible to hear you on air. But for the sake of saving yourself $350 for driving on the phone, it's worth it. Call us when you get home or to work.

News & Sports:

>13 ppl injured running from the bulls in Spain. They still do this? Hm, so far 14 people have been recorded to have died from this festival. So it's not so bad. We root for the bull!

>We covered this story a while ago: over the vacation on 6/30, Thomas gave birth to the baby. The lesbian couple had a baby, and the man of the relationship was the mother, cuz she had the sex change.

>Merriam Dictionary - added over 100 words to their most recent dictionary publication.

>133 year prison sentence.

>Teen in FL - launching a baby across a room with an inflatable pillow.

>A's

>Brewers

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

It's the Giants Run Around - How many home runs have the Giants scored? 367

Winner Won: Top Spin 3 for the Wii

Who knew?

>3/5 people would rather sell their car than split the ride and share profits.

>More than 12,000 laptops are lost in US airports every WEEK. 70% of them are never claimed. You can get a free laptop at the airport, just claim one that was left there.

>Gun Deaths: 55% gun related are suicide, 40% are homicides, I missed the rest.

Music & Entertainment:

>Beck has a new album!

>Guitar Hero - new additions of the game are not coming out any time soon.

>Osbournes are coming back to TV on Fox. Their own variety show.

Hungry. Sleepy. Tired. Thirsty.

Woody's buddy, Joey, attends a Stanley Cup party. Plays guitar while Kid Rock jumps up on stage, Tom Hanks is kickin it, Jeremy Piven (swoon) on bongos, and more all in Malibu. Sounds like fun. Super jealous.

That's So Bay Area

>Something about car points? For global warming... in California.

>Kids in London are outed for being racist.

Pointless Listener Poll - who's the cheapest person you know?

Hellooooo.... I'm very sleepy. We learn to not mess with Texas. I like-a the Texas.

Crap on Celebrities:

>Vern Troyer - is well endowed for a little person. Worked together on the Love Guru.

>A-rod and his wife are now split. He had a prenup.

>Flava Flave said he lost his virginity at the age of SIX.

>Brittany Spears - shave her back door? Does NOT wax her back door.
>Jennifer Lopez's guard dog bit a flight attendant's leg. The bite threw her on her back and she could no longer work. She's suing Lopez for $5 mill.

>Bob Sagget - comedy central roast

>I love Justin Long. He was in the news for something.

Porno Bithday

Kaitlin Kelly ? - 37

Grade Today's Show: 65% A

Just the Headline: "ScoobyDoo still alluding police."

Note to pretty boys: chicks dig scars and missing limbs.

2008-06-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

Awwww. Eating veggie fresh mozzerella sammich for break-fast. Why did I wake up with purist thoughts about my heritage? I woke up in the middle of night being especially aware of being German and being Japanese. WHAT!? I love everybuddy. Oh, and I watched American History X last night.

Today's Intern: Andrea Wellington, sister of Brenton Wellington

The show is off for a week on vacation! Today is our last day for 9 days. Be jealous.

Mark from Berkeley emailed the show a copy of an email he sent to CBS stockholders something something about the show promoting anti-Global Warming propoganda. Thanks Mark, everyone loves a poop-poking tattle-tale. BTW the video I've linked here is produced by one of my faveskies actors, Sacha Baron-Cohen, his nephew and his little online comedy team.

Drinking Stories:
>Someone dies after shooting 23 shots in 30 minutes. of what? Bacardi 151? Oh, vodka.
>Australia: A 2-foot saltwater croc was lurking outside the bar one evening. Some barflies grab the croc and tape its mouth shut and the bar proceeds to take photos with the crocodile super star then they put it in a box and carry on.
>An Australian man completely forgot he was married when he was blackout drunk in Arizona. He was informed of this marriage when he and his Hawaii girlfriend were moving to Hawaii to live.

Guess the State (1 winner):
Florida!!
Story: During a hold up, the robber was holding his weapon, a gun, by the barrel aiming the handle at the cashier. He's holding the gun backwards!! I was TOTALLY hoping that the gun went off.
*Uh, ok. The first caller answered with Florida. Woody said, "sorry that is incorrect" and moves on. Callers keep guessing states and then all that's left is Wisconsin. When Woody says, "that's incorrect" we all go kookoo cuz we've heard all 4 states guessed. Then a faux caller calls in to claim his Nascar and song, Rooster by Alice in Chains, and then the real Luis calls in. I love my job. Hooray week long vacation!
Winner won: Nascar 09 AND a song request [w00t!]

Tony's "X" marks the spot: Tony leaves early tomorrow for St. Louis. Today he's sporting a sexy large "X" on his hand which serves as a reminder that there is a note in his pocket. On this note is some chicken scratch list of things he needs to do before he leaves the state for a week. It is hilarious. He must wash his socks. And pay Lolita. Pack crayons...

News & Sports:
>Gun Law? Second ammendment.... I learn that Tony's taking Woody to a gun range for a part of his bachelor party.
>Jake, a 13 year old boy in England, hanged himself after his dad took away his nintendo Wii because his sister was already watching television.
>Jade's mother sent her to school in a shirt that reads "N the N-word."

>Battle o' da Bay this weekend. Giant's v A's
>Twins?

Music and Entertainment:
>'Wanted' looks HOT cuz the new Mia Farrow, Angie Jolie, is in it.

Jan Wahl, Hat Lady - Movie Reviews
*Wall-E wasn't really engaging for children audiences. Too sad. Wall-E is based off a bomb squad robot?
*Brittany Snow? Who the F is this?? Brittany Snow plays a perky, bubbly hooker with Matthew Broderick... Ferris for you special folk. Name of the movie? No clue. Finding Amanda. I'm sorry but ALL AMANDAS I've ever met have been crazy nut-job kooky girls.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Brooke Hogan blaming her mother, Linda, of violating uh something against Hulk Hogan. Oh, then the police report that there is no restraining order in place.
>The Hulkster is trying to back out of a $2 million home something? What. MY MIND HAS SHUT OFF.
>Drew Carrey is crazy. Sparing no expense when it comes to catering the final episode of this season's the Price Is Right. He's ordering 45 pizzas. $450 plus the cost of
>Whisper rapping. Someone, Mitchell Rose, who wrote a book entitled Mike Tyson Tried to Fight My Daddy, is claiming he invented whisper rapping. Really.
>Mini Me Sex Tape!! YAY!! Verne Troyer... Is a strange, strange little man.
>The Girls Next Door is infuriating the staff. Kendra is going at it with my HOLLY. I LOVE YOU HOLLY. Kill Kendra. I'll allow it.

Crappy Birthdays
~ Truffle Shuffle's Chunk! (I love Goonies) - Michael Vick - Toby McGuire - Joe SuperNanny Fraust - Ross Perot - John Cusack - Kathy Bates - Mel Brooks - Richard Louis - Gary Beusey - George Michael - Dynomite JJ ~
Porno Birthdays
Chenam Blanc - 40 with lots of botox
Kelly Rice - murrr?

Today's Guest: Jim Breuer is here!! You may remember him from such films as Half Baked with Dave Chapelle, American Dummy, and Crooked Lines. And from SNL! SNL rules.
San Jose Improv this weekend:
Friday 6/27 @ 8 / 10 pm
Saturday 6/28 @ 7 / 9 pm
Sunday 6/29 @ 7 pm
62 S. Second Street
San Jose, CA 95113
408-280-7475

Jim's on Sirius Satellite. If you have it, check him out. Also, please make a note that he's not high 24/7, a common mistake. Yes, he is a very funny person. And he's also funny if you're high, but he's a dad now. Things to focus on. Etc etc.

DumbAss Contest (? winners)
Breuer on Breuer - how well does Jim know his own career
In what did you play the Pied Pioneer? Yes - Hardball
Do you know who is in this photo w/ you? No - Woody and Tony
SOMETHING? Yes - Anthony Edwards
Another thing I missed? No - Talk to me
Okay... So Jim knows his own career!
Winner won: STP Tickets

Stories of BadAsses... (drunk and sober)
>FL - guy has his arm ripped out by a alligator and then gouges the gator's eyes out in the middle of the Death Roll.
>Someone had to cut off his own arm out of a combine to survive as his arm was trapped
>A man caught a 4 foot shark off the coast of Australia cuz he was drunk off vodka. YES!
>Seattle - man cut off his own fingertips to release himself from a sinking boat only to have his future son-in-law come with help moments later.
>Racoon attacks a young boy! Denise, the mom, strangled the rabid racoon to death. Go mom!

List of 14 Songs that should be BANNED from Bars: (holy taco dot com)

Dancing Queen
Smooth (santa and rob from matchbox 20)
Loveshack - B52's
Piano Man
All I Wanna Do - Ms Crowe
Mr. Brightside - killers
It's the End of the World - REM
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynard (Freebird, ugh)
Don't Stop Believing - Journey
Hotel California - Eagles
I Will Survive
Meatloaf
Kid Rock's Bomb with the STFU
Beatles (missed it) Woody don't laik dem either. My mom raised me to just "eh" the Beatles. "EH!!"
#1 American Pie (ralf)
American Songs
Sweet Caroline
Party like it's 1999 - Prince
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cindy Lauper
Raining Men / RESPECT
Ice Ice Baby
Barbi Girl - Acqua
Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Bad Bone
Motley Crue
Poison - Every Rose Has Its Thorn
Friends in Low Places
YMCA
Isle La Bonita
Celebration / We are Family
Margaritaville Buffet
Monay Monay
Country Stuffs
Twist and Shout / the Twist / SHOUT!
Sittin by the Dock of the Bay
La Bamba & Tequila
Locomotion
Shook Me All Night Long - ACDC
Benny Benasi's Satisfaction / Right Said Fred 'Too Sexy'

Friday Song Show Down Pick of the Week:

9.6% Greg - Chemical Brothers 'Galvanize'
18.8% Ravey - National Lampoon's Vacation 'Holiday Road'
3% Menace - Play Radio Play 'Brightside' cover
Winning Tony - Outfeild 'Your Love'
23.4% Woody - 2 Live Crew - ME LOVES YOU LONG TIME!!

I THINK WE'LL MISS YOU? I KNOW I'LL MISS YOU. AND I HOPE YOU MISS ME. *TEAR*

This is the 51st post. You suck it.

2008-06-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Caffeine for the win. I had no idea my mom still read this blog *_* Red Bulling it up. And stuff. Katie and I happen to be quite the sleepy. I breaked the English language.

For all you Menace Fans, check out his blog Menace.fm ... he's working to make it all shiny and pretty for you. I'll be posting crap up there, too, from time to time. So this is a shameless little double plug (you like that?) to check out The White Menace.

Today's Intern: (aren't you paying attention?) Katie

Jared of Subway is NOT dead. Menace gets internet/Twitter punk'd. Jaredremembered.com

Water burst through the wall in a Pittsburg museum featuring a Titanic artifacts display. Fortunately none of the artifacts were damaged.

Someone beat up 50+ ducks at a zoo in Iowa. Who does that? Some were only days old. Total sad face. Ducks are cute. Stinky, but adorable. On postcards and websites.

Reminder: You can get still pregnant when you take birth control pills. Try to be nice and not trap your catch of a man into a horrible life with you by bringing a kid into the world for your selfish gain. Birth control pills are ultimately pretty bad for a woman's body. I'd just abstain, if I were you. But, I'm not you.
Love Always, Planned Parenthood.

Oh and to those 17-18 girls at that Mass HS who are all knocked up - high five, slores. You're SO going to regret doing this. YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK LEGALLY YET! Ha. But you will. You will...

Emails!

*I get my first Blog hate. Did I graduate from eighth grade? Oh, I'm sorry I don't have a journalism degree from Northwestern. I actually attended a very nice high school, better than yours, attended Stanford University, & am back in college. You don't have to read this. Why don't you go buy a power tool and go drill holes in your head?
*Greg's appetite. Could be hyper thyroid?

*Dewey of Fremont - is a Woody Fan. Hardcore listener. Do you listen whilst working? Do you, really?

*Eh? Jane Fonda is a C-word. The HISTORY of swear words. The F-word brings us to the C-word. I like the T-word (think British). Where do we go from here?

Neat ideas for creative new swear words: Muffeletta (vajeen) - KussKah (skeet skeet)- Pusscle (vajayjay) - Zaffed (F'd)- My Favorite "Shvock" (v. to fornicate, n. a poopie-head)

News & Sports:

>Some people came down, from where? The Berkeley TREES! One came down for a CIGARETTE. Stupid hypocritic hippie. The names of these branch sitting warriors: Squirtle, Dumpster Muffin, and Redwood.

>The FBI has rounded up 345 pimps and rescued children that were being sold for sex across America. One of the cities was Oakland. Hollah!

>Bang Bus! The rolling brothel - this is a for REALS whore house on WHEELS in Miami. Yes. Tony's watched a staged one in porn. Undercover cops arrest the 6 prostitutes aboard the Bang Bus. I kinda feel bad for everyone in the story...

>Death penalty - people are fighting against a death penalty sentenced to a child rapist. Many believe he deserves to die. But he did not commit murder, treason, or that other crime. Boo.

>Most underage drinkers are receiving their booze from home, parents, or adult family members. Cuz shoulder tapping SUCKS!

>Women have not adapted to casual sex. They did a study. So, it's true. Women are still somewhat uncomfortable with one night stands, and such. Meh.

>I FEEL SUPER BAD ABOUT NOT DOING SPORTS AFTER GETTING BLOG HATE.

>Also, lots of hate that Soccer is never mentioned on the report. Here. Read this or BUY A NEWSPAPER, watch a sports channel on TV.

>Feast or Famine night - turns out that it was a famine night for the A's.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner) Oopsies!! I'm sorry if you called when Wood and Tone said "Call Now" and I sent you away... I did not hear those two words.

What line are you on?

Winner won: STP Tix

Sexy Time Fun Facts!

Ejaculoid - Tony, the human guinea pig, has been ingesting this product twice daily. He has noticed a 15-20% increase in the volume of the "ringing of his bell." Hand me a bottle.
Vibrant Health Vitamin Center - go see Phil for bottles of this and other neat vitamins

Guy was caught having sex with a PICNIC TABLE on DVD. Is going to

Japan - elderly porno sales has doubled. Yuck.

Tricking Pill - penis reduction pills... The idea is for women who are snooping around his house, she chances upon this bottle and believes that he is taking penis reducing pills.

Sexy Time Poll: What lies have you told just to get laid? (Greg's suggestion.)

I'm a freestyle skiier
I was a prisoner of war
I have filed for divorce
I am a StarTrek Trekky and dress up for conventions ALL the time
I'm about to start my period, today's our last chance for a wh0le week
I love you
Will you marry me
I'm a virgin (men) omg I fell for that
I run 5 miles every morning
I'm in a band (not) and she said she's head of them (hot)
I'm on the next cast of the Real World
Lowered Sleep Number...
I was Hunter S. Thompson's pilot (LOVE THIS LIE - I'd want to believe it)
That I have a BF that I'm really committed to, get them to think their getting her to cheat
Speed Dating - caught a dude in his lie, cop patrolling the entire Bay Area
Someone claimed to be Woody from the show (ha!)
Husband and wife picking up chicks at a bar, this one chick is on her moral pedastal about how could a couple do this, how can a woman like other women? By the end of the night she's claiming virgin and begs him to leave his wife for her. BAM!

The 5 lies the every guy tells: (love, Glamour)

Your best friend is AWESOME
My best friend is having problems, I need to go talk to him
I'm sorry
The sex is great but let's take a quick break (he's either finished or broken a bone)
I'm just kidding

The 5 guys that might be trying to bang your woman:

Her "understanding" boss
Her male Yoga instructor / personal trainer (etc)
The stay at home dad down the street
Her dysfunctional ex
Your kids whatever coach

New Jersey News Dummies - A Ninja sighting caused a 2 hour lock down for 6 middle schools in the surrounding ninja-sighting area. A man dressed as a ninja carrying a large plastic sword through the woods was reported to police by a librarian of a nearby campus. Turns out it was a camp counselor heading to a costume themed day at camp. The ninja counselor was taking a short cut.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Ohio!!

Story: 41 Jeff Barrier @ Aloha Tanning Center. Decided to snap photos of some naked female tanners. Someone noticed what he was doing, called the cops, cops ask for the photos. He denied he even had a phone to take pictures. They found his camera phone ... IN HIS ANUS. Ouch.

Winner won: Nascar 09 for his Xbox 360

Grade Today's Show: 71.4% A

Today's Just the Headline: "God arrested on coke charges."

This stupid Gatorade bottle is peeing on ME.

2008-06-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

I know, wtf? I have baby blue milk stains all over my baby yellow tank. Booooo. Oh, and my crotch and booty... Stupid stupid.

Today's Intern: Katie, baby

Lamont and Tonnelli turn 19! Woody re-enacts an awesome promo for their morning show on the Bone and tears stream down my cheeks. Imagine your father spittin' that hip, fresh lingo. No thanks.

<--- WARNING: THIS MAN/BOY IS NOT FUNNY. Pointless Listener Poll - Is Stuart from MadTV Funny or does he Suck?
63.9% like him. He's not funny, just so you know. You're all wrong. Yes MadTV can be hilarious, but this bit. Not funny.

Emails!
*"Blogger hottie" - Thanks Jeremy Winkles, I also answer the PHONES. High five.
*Dumpster Muffin: Dave writes in. He's from Seattle. Thank goodness there are other normal people in the Bay Area. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Indeed Dave, you rock.
*Jimmy participated in the weight loss challenge. Lost 35 lbs. Lookin' for a T-shirt to be a walking bilboard for the show. Yes!
*Jose - ringtones love-hate. Please post more new ringtones.
*Personal trainers make you suffer. I kind of like daht.
*Wes in Oak - needs a dead to real opinion. Been dating this girl for 6 months, totally in love with her & vice versa. She still wears her ex's boxers to bed. We highly encourage you to RIP THEM TO SHREDS and buy a new pair of the same brand. STAT! I did that when I still had feelings for an ex with these SUPER comfy kick boxing pants. I still have them, but no longer wear them...

Gay Pride!!! Hooray. Gay is Yay!!

News & Sports:
>Fire fighters of 3 states have supplied support to the Bay Area and aid our fire situation all over the Bay. Camp fire aroma stings the nostrils. But the fires are dissapating and the smell of smoke will soon fade. And I'd like to see the sun sometime this summer.
>Marijuana supporters and airports? SAFER Alternative Recreation are asking the gov't if they can smoke pot in the smoking lounges. Pot smoking aids in calming the nerves of Nervous Nilly's about to fly. The airport would run out of munchies! The Nut Cart would be out of nuts! Uh Mile High City - Denver has a MJ law? What?
>Politics something - Under the Bush administration... Conservative applicants were more accepted than the liberal applicants. Ha. Ha. Transition to allegedly news. I'm so confused. Who you know not what you know?
>Imus - defends himself the following day. He was cracking a joke but it came out the wrong way. However, he was in hot water so recently for this very exact thing, racism is a thin ice issue with him.
>Hilary - Effs herself? She's 22 million in debt!?
>Fremont - 4 stabbing victims and a gun shot victims were taken to a hospital. Sushi restaurant about 10 people were wounded. Security guard shot a girl in the leg.
>Kills herself - 42 yo woman was found in her own freezer chest. It was SO HOT. Apparently she decided to lie in her freezer to COOL OFF and ended up dying.

>One of Javon Walker's attackers were arrested in Vegas. He was apparently robbed and left on a street in Las Vegas. The other suspect is still "at large." Who says that?
>Omar Visquel - treated like a Hero for something ... he's in Baseball?
>Shaq's freestylin costs him... Shaq and Kobe are cool.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Hsd CBS banned it? Firewall in this building... Tsk tsk.
Winner won: STP Tix

Music & Entertainment:
>Coldplay. Shoot me.
>Pinhead gunpowder... Green Day's somebody's side project releases EP?
>LOVE IS NOISE! Sometimes I just type phrases I hear.
>Tribute to George Carlin. YES! HBO honors the funniest old man.
>Paris Hilton has the final word (yuck): "You should not believe the stories about me demanding someone to give me a yorkie puppy... Dogs are not accessories or toys." Yeah, thanks Pair (I call her pair for short), when did you become my mother and start explaining the difference between 'responsible' and 'irresponsible.' Go choke on some dude meat.

Who knew?
Sex stuff...
Lightening strikes 6000 times on the earth
Toothpick most commonly choked on in America
Yoyo was a philipine jungle weapon
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
Heinz - in the 1830's ketchup was sold as a medicine
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Techy gadget thing friend - young relatively wealthy male. low level of modesty. only buy luxury brands.

Pointless Listener Poll: What is your woman's hot button? What that one thing that will always make her mad?

Jen hates the C-word / ex-girl friends
Calling her fat
Talking smack about her family
"Relax"
Anything other than "yes," "no," and the food order from a waitress at dinner
Doing comparisons to other people
Bringing up other women
She brings up how much more money she makes than he does
Call her man "Dude"
Tell her BF when he's ignoring her that she'll just ask one of her other BFs (I do that)
Tell him he's being "gay"
Katie says she's not allowed to touch the hair on his head. He uses products to style his do.

Got Game (with one T) w/ Steve Masters me love nerd stuff, long time!
New Hulk Game! Mixxed reviews.
Sweet! DS is redoing Space Invaders!
I don't even have a TV - I'm so lame. But I'm going back to school First day for me is MONDAY. Wish me luck. MoFo's.

Grade Today's Show: 82% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Man busted for giving illegal buttocks injections."

This is why you wake up.

2008-06-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

Who kicks us off?? Yeah, this guy. Mr. Zombie.

Today's Intern: Sara-on-pain-meds cuz someone stole her wisdom toofs.

New & Improved!! Why messing around with successful products to improve them only ruins them.

Menace goes back to school for programs at the station, but the version he's learning is not what Live105 has. And they are resisting with purchasing the version he's learning. WTF?

Don't forget to play Black or old!! When you approach any Chrysler 300 guess with other passengers in the vehicle with you if the driver is a Black person or an old person?

Old people drivers: 82 year old woman ran through a security fence onto a runway at an airport.

Emails!

>WTR you are all ugly idiots.

>Phantom Pooper theory - is it the employees at the hotels where Menace cacas?

>WTF - What the heck is this 1% tax charge for universal health care? I wish I could smack someone once a day. ME TOO!!! We should start smacking people together. The idiot smack crusade! I don't have health.

>Bitches are crazy. Check it out - new hot front desk chick, they flirted, he got her number, she avoided a real date, he starts dating someone else, and she corners him and tell him she's hurt that he's seeing someone other than her. Chicks are nuts.

More side notes - Bush's 'Swallowed' and Erykah Badu's 'Honey' are STUCK stuck stuck in my head this morning. Sharing is Caring.

TAPEWORMS GALORE!!

Woody brings up how tapeworms would be a great weight loss program. We learn that it was a fad at the turn of the century up until the 20's. Also that tapeworms when they are done being a parasite in one's body, will leave the FASTEST WAY possible, even if that's your MOUTH. Ugh. I've always wanted a tape worm, too, just a coopertive one not an evil gross annoying one. I guess eat undercooked 3 world beef. Avoid the 3 world pork...

News & Sports:

>Bay Area Fires - getting help from surrounding firefighters!

>Just because it's funny doesn't mean it's not real - folks in San Francisco are voting to name a sewage system after President George W Bush.

>Dissatisfied customer goes head to head with a cook. Placing foreign objects inside a STEAK, the surprise inside - PUBES. Yes! (I hate free loaders, even if it's my nickname.)

>Imus vs Adam Pacman Jones? What. Racism results in "Oposite Day on the Imus Show." Al Sharpton jumps on this story.

>Kobe and Shaq and something someone in BEIJING. Cue ching-chong music. [I say it because I'm AZN.]

>Shaq does a freestyle clown on Kobe, asking Mr. Bryant how Shaq's booty tastes?

>Adam "Pacman" Jones would like to be taken more seriously and is dropping the Pacman now that he's a Dallas Cowboy. Who knew? I do.

Ravey's Non Sequitors Clip - Hilarious, mostly last week's potty humor.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

The impossible trivia: 1 in 6 women own more than 50 of these! Purses.

Winner won: STP Tickets

Music & Entertainment:

>Motley Crue new album, Shine Down, G Love and Special Sauce

>10,000 BC is out on DVD.

>Futurama Movie: Beast with a Billion Backs (?)

>Smashing Pumpkins recording and prepping for a tour. Gish?? Dish? Bish??

>Beck's trailer for his new album coming out soon. 7/8

>Sopranos coming out in a 30 disc pack that weighs 10 lb + 16 deleted scenes. YES!! I LOVE SOPRANOS.

>Wipe out and How I survived a Japanese Game Show premier this week!

>Celebrity Family Feud. Really? Ice-T & Coco

>Hell's Kitchen - Great show. I love to watch you cook. [fap fap]

Guess the State (1 winner)

Wisconsin!! (Pardeeville)

Story: Cokehead drug dealer sold coke, pot, and dicepham/valium to an undercover cop. When the cops went to pull her over, they couldn't find her coke stash anywhere. Chivan "crotched the blow" - was about the size of a golf ball.

Winner won: Nascar 09 for the Ps2

Stewpid Lawsuits?

HMPH.

Victoria's Secret - Thong Suit [Cue Cisco's Thong Song] A design problem on a pumpkin headed meter maid's thong caused a metal piece of the panties to pop off and fly at her face. Her lawyer makes the point that a few inches over and it would have hit her EYE!! Who cares?

Crap on Celebrities:

>Heather Mills SUCKS this story made me Not Like Her. One legged calendar?

>Gossip Blogs are going coocoo that a Comic Superstar is exploring a new persona of an openly gay man...

>Linda Hogan calls 911. The 911 operator berates her for FOLLOWING the stalker that was just at her house. Someone is at her house even though he has been ordered to stay away from her and her house. SO SHE FOLLOWS HIM WHEN HE LEAVES and calls 911. Go kill yourself.

Crappy Birthdays

Missed it. WHO ARE THESE STUPID PEOPLE?? Caller and I rant about how pathetic it is to have ppl like Heidi and Spencer and the Kardashians in our vocabulary! Really. Get out of my life.

Porno Birthdays

456 films! Sydney Cox 38 years old today.

Grade the Show: 61.4% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Pet gerbil blamed for 3 car accident."

The death of pure point-blank comedy :(

2008-06-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Rise and shining, Mr. Alex!

Today's Intern: Sam

RIP George Carlin - passed away yesterday at 71. He experienced his final heart attack in a hospital after he checked himself in for not feeling well :(

Pointless listener poll - What celebrity made you really sad when they passed away?
Joe Strummer
Eddie Gurrero
Dime bag Daryl
Chris Farley
Heath Ledger
Bob Marley - up until like 3 years ago, I thought he was still alive.
Steve Irwin
Kurt Cobain
John Candy
I will be sad when Hugh Hefner leaves this earth.
Uh, John Cleese is not dead...

News & Sports:
>School trip update - father refused to let his daughter go on a field trip. The daughter took him to court after the fact and the judge ruled in her favor. The father resented being undermined by the court and brought his ex-wife, the mother into the picture. Apparently the mother told the girl that she could just move in with her if her father denied her the option to go on a field trip.
>8th grade graduation - really? Is it a big deal!? Just treat it like a routine accomplishment. It's not like it's a master's degree.
>18 cops in England are busted for bragging about crashing cars and hitting pedestrians and posting videos of the accidents online.
>Internet Addiction - clinical disorder. #1 Forgetting to eat and sleep. #2 Needing more hours online and more advanced equipment to keep up with technology. #3 Actual withdrawal symptoms when away from the internet for an extended period of time. #4 Increased aggrivation etc etc from use of internet. MENACE TOTALLY QUALIFIES and is an Internet Junkie.
>Time Warner and a 60 year old woman get into it about whether or not she ordered porn 52 times on her cable in a month. She claims she did not. They claim she DID. They think her DOG ordered it?!

>BASEBALL CHAT! Giants lost.
>Infineon Raceway in the Bay - Kyle Bush got his first win on a track? What?

DumbAss Contest (2 winners)
Is it Newark or is it Fremont
Winner won: Nascar 09 Xbox 360

Who the hell is Taylor Swift?? Some country singer? What. Kinda hot, but also goofy looking... Woody admits to nohomo watching Once Upon a Prom where the winner get to take Taylor as their date to prom. SWEET!!! What a bunch of losers.

Men's Health lists the top 10 WORST DRINKS EVER. Woody rattles off names and calories of drinks that people snack on in the heat. Baskin Robins + Heath Bar for the win. McDonald's thrown in there, too.

There's a Phantom Pooper in the men's room at the station. Greg goes to investigate the story that Woody and Menace have to tell about how stinky and floaty it is. Greg flushes before he almost pukes.

Music & Entertainment:
>George Carlin's ode -
>Love Guru kinda sucked it at box office
>Li'l Wayne kicking butt. Stupid Colplay and Offspring news. UGH!
>Nice - Judas Priest release something in the top 10 for the first time since big hair was "in."
>PETA votes on something in the celeb realm. Lame. Raising children vegan? Shudder. Real humans eat meat.
>Little Boxes the song of Weeds makes the M&E Report...

Slump Buster. Cheers!

Pointless listener poll - What have you said you'll never do, and turn around to end up do anyway?

Woody spends $3200 on a watch. Open a credit card 20% off! YES!
And getting remarried, for Woody.
Greg is now open to the tattoo idea. And never thought he'd shrug off loads of money donated to uh, Vegas.
Menace - get back with an ex again. Three times.
Ravey - become involved in the gaming revolution. Now owns every console.
Leave floaters in the potty
Sleep with an ex's arch nemisis
Fear of heights - careers in scaffolding
Spend $$$ on car stereo - $5000 later

Menace Dot FM has a bunch of awesome CRAP!!!! HOORAY go Menace :D
Nelly/Green Day Mashup is there
Katy Perry Fotos from Warped Tour
Weezer's Hootenany sound clips are up and running. The Pork and Beans song sounds GREAT. I thought it would sound like kindergarten for grown ups, but it's SO MUCH BETTER!

Weezer Hootenany Contestants was on LIVE105.com. Oops. Link here now.

*On a side note ~ here's a cute poop blog site I came across. Makes me laugh. Reminds me of lolcats for poop.*

Crap on Celebrities:
>London Heathrowe Airport - Naomi Campbell throws a fit AGAIN
>Jamie Lynn Spears moves with her baby and baby daddy to their new home 2 days after the baby was born. She's 17 years old.
>Queens of the Stone Age's Johs Homme is NOT homophobic. Censorship conversation.
>Amy Winehouse gets emphysema. Druggie pays a price! Apparently it means SEVERE DIFFICULTY BREATHING. But, hello, she smokes CRACK. I don't feel so bad. I like her sound. but we have Duffy now. Thanks.

Crappy Birthdays
~ Duffy - Selma Blair (I LOVE HER) - Jos Weeden (?) - Randy Jackson - Clarence Thomas ~
Porn Birthday
Dominique Simone 292 films = 37 years old

Grade Today's Show: 60% A

Week's End

2008-06-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

Egg salad sammich, anyone? I think this floor is haunted... I keep shadows moving on the walls out of the corner of my eyes.

Today's Intern: Andrea

A "fire foot bag" - is a hacky sack on fire.
Dumpster Muffin whacko video linked here.

Someone spent $$ to buy a piece of toast with an image of Howard Stern on it? Really.

News & Sports:
>Croatia - Hedwiga sat down drink tea and watch tv. She died there and her body was found 42 years later.
>Cyber Arch - IT tech study discovered that a percentage of those with access to sensitive data will access it just out of curiosity.
>17 girls all under the age of 16 made a pact to become pregnant in order to have their babies at the same time and raise their children together. One of the girls was so desperate she turned to a 24 year old homeless man for his ... seed.
>Want free gas? Drive a bilboard!
>Mother in Czech Republic had two boys in the basement. Neighbor discovered feed from a video of these poor boys. Apparently the mother and sister tortured the poor boys by burning them with cigarettes, cutting chunks of their body and feeding the chunks to other family members, and forcing them to eat their own vomit. WTF?
>Sex offender moves into his uncles house. Was convicted of molesting 5 year old girls. One of the women in the neighborhood decided to welcome him to the community by beating him with a metal bat till his arm broke.

>Charles Barkley heads BACK to Las Vegas. It's been a month since he's sworn Sin City off, but it's "for charity." Yay.

Get ready for New Orleans' Voodoo Experience!
Oct 24/25/26

Weezer Hootenany - Links to the um contestants. My head is far away :(

Pointless Listener Poll: What's Worse? Mama's Boys vs Daddy's Girls
Traditional 1950's Gender Rolls - A Daddy's Girl may be needy but women traditionally are portrayed as less independent. But Mama's Boys are the absolute WORST because they resemble Daddy's Girls in that they, too, are needy and dependent and incapable. When it's a more agressive, proactive, capable MAN who can provide and bring home some bacon that women look for. That to me is the difference and how i justify and support Daddy's Little Girls. Plus chicks who spend time with their fathers sometimes walk away with cool knowledge like an interest in sports or cars. which is a plus.

Mama's Boys take the cake. Daddy's Girls, try to tone it down a little bit.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Spelling Bee with a Twist
Winner won: Warped Tour Tix

Music & Entertainment:
>Get Smart (I'm SO upset that Steve did this movie cuz i LOVE HIM and it looks like a movie made of caca) comes out today.
>Guru of Love with Mike Meyers... looks tired already. But perhaps it's funny... who knows?
>Weezer something. Uh. You can check out the contestants for the Hootenany are online. Somewhere.
>Oscar
>Steve Carrel - Didn't want to end up doing an impersonation of whomever.

Reality Shows and Game Shows:
Unbeatable Bonzuke
Most Extreme Elimination
Ninja Warriors

Some awesome brainstorms for future shows are listed below:
Hurl - who pukes first?
Suicide - can you really kill yourself? 2 years, $2 million, however and wherever you want. If you don't, we will do it for you.
Bumprentice -
Survivor Retards -
Jump -
Midget Security -
Death Rowe Blood Bath -
God Gyped -
Who wants to fight their Boss? -
Midget hunting -
Will it float? -
Digging up the Stars -

Jan Wahl the Hat Lady - Jimmy Hats Today
*Get Smart - a remake of the 1965 Mel Brooks and Barbara Feldon. HORRIBLE. So boring, Anne Hathaway bores the audience. Steve Carell looks BORED. Etc etc. No thanks.
*Love Guru looks like CACA
*Pirates (xxx) - Jan's First Porno Review!
Useless sex!! The woman is boring, vapid, and Barbie Doll. Jan admits she likes to be able to put herself there when she's watching porn and it's difficult to achieve that when the sex is boring and the woman looks like she's like a million miles away. Wasn't sexy enough - 1/2 a Jimmy Hat. She was impressed with the costumes, the CGI, the effort on the men's part to be in period YARRRRR. But she was turned off by the stupid girls who were uninterested, unengaged, Valley girl "whatever" Barbi blondes that all look alike.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Billy Ray Cyrus claims that he was unaware that the photo shoot would have Mylie strip down and wrap her in a blanket (ugly photos, btw) - the more you stomp and poop the more it stinks. WTF?
>"You're an F'ing Liar. F you. FFFFFFFFFFFFF BOMBS and an N word," Chalie Sheen to Denise Richards in a voice mail.

Crappy Birthdays:
*Meredith Baxter - Carson Daily - Cindy Lauper - Nicole Kidman (who I HATE)*
Porno Birthday:
*Missed It - 29
*Randy Spears - He Whore over 1,000 porns.

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song:
18% Ravey - NERD 'Spaz'
Menace - Green Day/Nelly (Mashup) 'Grills'
25% Tony - Primus 'Tommy the Cat'
% Greg - Salt 'Bluster'
19% Woody - Kanye West 'Gold Digger'

HAVE A GREAT BAY AREA WEEKEND & SUCK IT.

Porn that goes well with Comedians and Soy milk.

2008-06-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Meh.

Today's Intern: Katie!

News & Sports:

>UC Berkeley - being indecisive? We meet Dumpster Muffin...

>Truck driver takes a new truck for a test drive, swings by a nearby bank to rob it. The car salesman gets suspicious and calls 911 to bust the idiot. Vic calls in with a story about how someone robbed a bank in a cab as his getaway, heads to the mall and the same cab picks him up and busts him.

>Some people are now checking Google Earth to find homes with pools to show up for an uninvited swim. They are called "dippers" and it is illegal to go to other's home, I believe the term is "trespassing."

>ASSININE

Today's Phone Guest #1: Kathy Griffin
Sleep Train Concord Pavillion

Saturday July 12th - 8pm show

Her show on Bravo kicks off Season 4 on June 12th.

Apparently, Kathy is a Homo Hero. I kind of knew that... She still considers herself a D-list actor. Something horrible happened to her right eye after she received lasik surgery.

Today's Phone Guest #2: Michael Leahy, Author of Porn Nation

Describes his battle with an addiction to porn. He lost his job and wife over his severe addiction to pornography. I think his book, Porn Nation, addresses the seriousness this addiction

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

7 signs that you are addicted to pornography:

partner isn't as social as they used to be
isn't as sexually responsive as before
dirty talk , rough sex, or porn styles suddenly make their way into the bedroom
emotionally distant
complaints about your appearance
too much time on the internet for porn
defensive about porn

We think Tony qualifies as "porn addict." We know lots of porno addicts. Hell I was just living with one!

The "eff raffle" - wow for a Penny you can buy a raffle ticket fraffle.net to band a porn star. WHAT? She's going to have sex with 10 winners, the stipulation is you must agree to having sex on film.

Sexy Time Fun Poll:

What was your most embarassing moment invovling porn?

Greg: was at a hotel in Carmel, with a camcorder back in the day, hooked it up to the tv monitor. Greg records himself giving a warning to any accidental viewers who may have chanced upon that particular tape. About 20 seconds into the recording, Greg freaks out and stops the tape, records
parents grabbed the wrong video at a family gathering during his fiance's meet & greet the family visit...
mom discovers dirty photos of her eldest son's porn stash on the family computer
Ravey gets caught by her brother!?!?
College dorms, roommate walks in at the most inoportune time, and he quickly flips over (think Gramma's Boy) on his stomach and tell his roommate the he was "sick." Sits in his "reverse superman." EW!
Woody tells his 1 sock story. Mom asks why are you wearing only one sock?
Visual aids in HS english class ends with a classroom full of very tight pants.
7/8 grade watching porn at a friends house. Parents walk in and they rip out the VHS tape, breaking the machine.
6 buddies having a little pow wow watching a video when the house mom walks in on them, buck naked, experiencing The Feeling. Everyone's mothers were called. The caller lived with his GRAMMA. :(
I don't have an embarassing experience. Just a possible tape out there... Don't look at me, I destroyed my tape.

Cereality of Santa Cruz is here!! Feeding us cereal. I'm not a fan of cereal... but this is taking it to that next level. Fancy cereal. My father TOTALLY ruined cereal for me, for starters I HATE milk and then to wake up to a bowl of soggy rice KRISPIES kinda destroyed any joy out of cereal love I may have had.

1315 Pacific Ave
Santa Cruz CA 95060

This morning I chowed on Frosted Flakes, blue berries, banana slices, and plain Soy Milk. YES! this combo is cereal I can Digg. Totally. I proceed to flip my slurp spoon out of my cereal box and fling soy milk into my hair lalalala. I'm an idiot.

Hmmmm ~ WHEN IT'S A GOOD DAY, THE PHONE IS OFF THE HOOK. AND THEN, THE BLOG SUFFERS. DOWNLOAD TODAY'S SHOW AT JUSTIN.TV/THEWOODYSHOW. KTHANKSBAI.

Grade Today's Show: 59.1% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Mr. Dingaling accused of raping 13 year old girl."

Lardy lard.

2008-06-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Nothing cool to report. Woke up energized etc. Woowoo - happy Wednesday. Little hungry.

Jealous: Menace hopped in the elevator with Mos Def & Dave Chapelle. Luckeeeeeeeee!

Today's Intern: Sarah, do you dare-uh

The Bay Bridge had a Jumper this morning since 2:30 am. Drove by that and saw cops and firefighters talking to him... Yes! I say, "jump." But that's just me. 6:57 we're informed that the jumper was taken down off the ledge by police and Caltrans.

Dean's Mustache Fiasco - Tony draws mustache. Dean cries. Tony continues to draw mustache. Deans cries continue. C is for cookie. And we all fall down.

Strange Baby Stories:

*A 2 year old boy, Martin, was lost in an Indiana Walmart with a note from his other. His family came to the US and his father left two months after they arrived. His mother left him at Walmart in the hopes of a family finding him and taking him home. He is now in foster care. Officials are trying to find his family, however it's clear that his family doesn't want him... Boo.
*11 year old girls are getting microdermabrasions and bikini waxed. On average 1/5 customers at spas are now prepubescent girls. Bad female mental health rooting from the pressure to look a certain way by society's standards (yadda yadda yadda).

*A 16 year old girl is struck by lightning; the electricity ran through her body and shot out of her fingertips which took out the electricity in her home. Her mother rushed her to the hospital and nurses inform her of how lucky she is. They buy a lotto ticket and win $20.

*Heel-larious high heel crib shoes for babies up to 6 months old. WTF - they can't even walk!! Stupid idiots designing infant heels.

*Update: She was not guilty because of insanity. A year later, she's requesting a leave from the mental hospital. November of last year police found her soaked in her child's blood, singing a hymn, after she chopped off her baby's arms. Wow.

At the break we chow down on one of four types of cupcakes from That Takes the Cake. The ladies munch on a delicious coconut dusted cupcake, while Woody tries a peanut-butter and chocolate cupcake, then there are chocoale Suck It cupcakes and plain vanilla looking ones. I'm not one for cupcakes, I have Ravey, but these hit the spot. I'm not hungry and now have a sugar high. Who wants a hug?

News & Sports:

>Al Gore's mansion has been modified in efforts to lower his energy waste, but somehow after all the modifications his energy consumption INCREASED. The irony?

>Brain scans of straight men v gay women and straight women and gay men. Turns out there are similarities between the straight men and lesbians and between straight women and gay man. Huh.

>Thousands of gay marriages in the next couple of months. Clerks are saying something weird and confusing about performing the ceremonies?

>UC Berkeley putting pressuer on the tree sitters... meh. Chris calls, "Why don't they just cut a hole in the trunk and poison the tree. That way instead of "cutting" them down, they'll fall and then no one can live in them!

>Lakers lost to the Celtics? I make this all up. There isn't even a team called the Celtics.

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters! (I tried Grace's number earlier, but no answer.)
Madden 09! Sweet.
Nerd chat - although I thoroughly enjoy nerds, it's kind of like car talk and sports talk to me. My eyes glaze over and I'm moments away from toppling over and off my chair like a moron.
You can always email steve with questions: steve@gottgame.com

Music & Entertainment:

>Coldplay FREE CONCERT. There was one. End of story.

>Weezer played first Hootenany in Arizona? Weird. This still is a little mystifying. I GET IT I'm not a moron I just... HOW DO YOU WIN IT?

>Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas - beer loving Canadian brothers. Animated adventures of Doug and Bob McKenzie. Uh, Strange Brew, and all that, eh?

>Final Word: M Night Shyamalan. Something drab about his new film, The Happening. SIXTH SENSE WAS HIS ONLY GOOD MOVIE. STOP MAKING MOVIES M KNIGHT. WE LOVED YOU BUT YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING IT.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Ted Kennedy Tumor Theatre (ahahahaha) Answer: Ghost Busters. I knew it only because I saw Be Kind Rewind last night and their remake of Ghost Busters was HILARIOUS!

Winner won: Wall-E

Happy happy Story! AKA Who Friggin' Cares?

April 22 - San Jose. Three falcon chicks hatched in their City Hall nest. "May and Mercury." Students that named the chicks were being honored at the City Hall. One of the chicks decided to take flight and slammed into a building wall. Lame. Totally turned into a "Who Friggin' Cares Segment."

Allegedly news:

>A man commands his pet python to attack 2 officers. Who knew that snakes won't follow your human orders...

>Match.com - 1 in 11 personal ads are plagerized. Uh, hello?

>Drivers that decorate their cars are more prone to road rage.

>Coworkers have one annoying habit that makes you hate them.

>Uh. According to a RESEARCH study by the University of Penn, those who make $150,000 a year are happier than those who make $15,000 (like me).

Caller #105 WINS! Weezer Hootenanny tix. Hey and the secret location is!!!

Today's Guest: Kevin Rose of Digg

What IS Digg? It filters up the information that the masses "digg" is cool and worthwhile data is on the front(er) pages at the site. Check it out, if you haven't already. It makes sense to me now. It's been explained to me only 6 times. I guess it took Kevin to explain it in tard terms for me to get it. I get it and DIGG IT! (You can kick me for the lame pun.)

Digg Nation - (not Dig as in "digital" Nation) with Kevin and Alex Albrecht

New episodes every week and released on Wednesdays. Check it out!

Today's Pointless Listener Poll: Who's Worse? Mama's Boys or Daddy's Little Angels
As a Daddy's Little Princess myself, I TOTALLY think that Mama's Boys are WAY WORSE. It's like having a gay straight manbaby on your hands. Ugh. At least having a chick with male interests like sports or cars is kinda hot. We never got to this today :(

Grade Today's Show: 69.9% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Woman receives a 9000 pound electric bill." [huh?]

Go back to sleep.

2008-06-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

Starbucks ROCKles my SOCKles. Green tea latte for this morning's first win.

Today's Intern: Care Bearah Sarah

IRS SPAM/Phishing email... Ravey's received it TWICE in the past week. Do NOT be fooled. The IRS should have all your information, you should not have to provide it AGAIN. Esp right after tax seasons. Thanks.

Tim Russert passed away. Tom Brokaw sheds a tear. Woody cracks a smile. A caller advises that wikipedia was the first to announce his death... curious, how does the internet know before the tv announces it??

XM - Sirius satellite radio merger is coming up! 20+ channels geared towards minorities will be offered for free. Howard Stern makes a good point: when the Exon merger occurred the company didn't offer free gasoline to minorities. The concept is that satellite radio is a luxury and if you can't afford it, you simply cannot afford it. Why do minorities need this service?

Baby Menace, "blood." It's supposed to be funny, not an PSA of child abuse, please people.

Emails!
*David Beckham @ Men's Macy's soon. To Ravey's delight.
*Ian - old fart of your demographics... Lose the signal in Walnut Creek, Greg. Go do something about it! (Greg grabs hammer.) We are about to get 60 more watts. Rejoice.
*Candice - Danville teen stargazers: her husband was on the job when the boys were brought in the hospital.
*Shower radios are dangerous.
*Jackie, Beetle, writes in for an animation suggestion: Tony's bad experience with Ross.

News & Sports:
>Gay marriages! 5:01 pm they started to wed same sex couples in San Francisco. Hooray! Phillis Lyon and Del Martin got married!
>A Florida woman got fired from her job at a restaurant for LAUGHING. She admitted she had an odd laugh, but to lose her job over laughter seems a bit much. She has no case against him as FL is an at-will employer state so her boss had every right to fire her over the noise her voice box was making.
>Sticking it to smokers. The tax on smokers in NYC at the highest in the nation: $2.75 per pack. Hoping that it will encourage smokers to quit.
>St. Louis Home Depot, about a year ago, a man tried to get off the toilet seat, his butt was glued to the seat. He has finally decided to sue Home Depot.
>Al Gore has endored Barak Obama. America needs change. Have you been to the city lately? "Spare some change, ma'm?"

>The Giant's break thru! Seven tries but finally beat an American League team.
>Ketchy Yabu?
>Mets fired manager Willy Randolf. Bench coach is now taking over.
>Tiger Woods does something to make golf news. Awesome sudden death playoff. Tiger won his 14th championship! Incredible, riveting golf stuffs.

Happy Happy Story!
Animal tragedies abound. NYC 57 YO bronx 2 boston terriers for a walk - was about to load the dogs in his car when a street sweeper came by and sucked up and killed by a street sweeper.

DumbAss Contest (2 winners)
I'm going with C, but that's just me
Winners won: Wall-E

Music & Entertainment:
>Viva la Vida - this is STILL making news? REALLY? I love Coldplay, bunch of great guys. America loves Britain and their ppl. Awesome. We get it, new album. New songs. Lalalala.
>Offspring - back again. And STILL in the stupid news. I'm kicking Coldplay and Offspring simultaneously. GO AWAY!!
>Katy Perry - album release "For the Boys"
>BE KIND REWIND & SUPER HIGH ME out on DVD.
>Metalica has selected "Death Magnetic" to be their new album name. No song titles yet...

Retards in the News:
>24 years old. Husband #1 divorces after 10 days leaves her for her mom. Husband #2 is a stand-in cuz fiance #2 ditches her at the alter while she is 8 months pregnant. Husband #3 was already married to someone else when they got married. Husband #4 cheated on her and she popped the question to HIM taking him back and claiming that he's the love of her life. Husband #1 walked her down the aisle for husband #4 because he's not married to her mother.
>Man somehow breaks a restaurant window, running down the street with their pants pulled down.
>Seniors taped a vandalism prank hoping to get on MTV, their hit show "High School Stories." Caused over $10,000 worth of damage.
>Woman tells cops that she had been assaulted for 45 minutes, the boyfriend walks by with their 10 month old baby and HURL the infant at the police and ran away.
>Gangster babies? Gang Christening. Iron? Latin Kings and Queens.
>Wanna be gangsta idiots. Two men get into a fight over having the same gangster nickname. C-Thug. They start a brawl on a woman's lawn and she settles the fight by STABBING one of the C-Thugs, who is then rushed to a nearby hospital. The fight came to a screeching halt as the stabber woman is declared the true C-Thug.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Pennsylvania!!
(Gay) Story: Lesbian love is a beautiful thing. Apparently not everyone agrees: 61 year old Joyce walked in on her 16 year old grand daughter having a lesbian experience with a 16 year old neighbor girl and Joyce proceeded to beat her granddaughter with a cane and then a belt. The 16 year old ended up in the hospital following her grandmother's rage and abuse.
Winner won: Warped Tour Tix

Smart Cars. = so cute and tiny. Old lesbians seem to drive these cars the most, in SF. Ugh don't get me started on why gas prices in Asia and Europe are DIFFERENT than the US prices... I'll let you do your own research. [xo]

Crap on Celebrities:
>Nick Hogan related voice mail: threatening messages made public by Frank Caruso left for the Hogan family by the father of the son who was injured in the car accident.
>Golf what? Sean Connery threw his back out whilst playing golf?
>Weeds!! Back on SHOWTIME yayayayayayayay. One of my Sopranos replacements...
>Britney Spears will not be charged with running over a paparazzo's foot.
>Leo DiCaprio will star in 'Atari' YES of the video game console. Yay.

Crappy Birthdays
~ venus williams - will forte - greg kinnear - joe piscapo - barry manilo - newt gingrich ~
Porno Birthday
*Nautica Thorn Hawaii prostitute. Yuck. Is 24
*Christy Canton with all natural cans. Is 42

89.7% of listeners are for Tony putting a mustache on Baby Dean's adorable little face.
Ravey is totally NOT for it.

Grade Today's Show: 56% A

Just the Headline: "400,000 black balls save LA resivoir."

Munday Twosday, Happy Day!!

2008-06-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

Happy happy.

Today's Intern: Wham, Bam, thank you Sam.

Chinese restuarants - Pennsylvania. The owner of Panda Chinese Kitchen wants to get his restaurant back up to code. He had a turtle in the kitchen sink where he prepared the food for the restaurant. Great. Nothing says Chinese food like turtle soup, alley cat, Mushu Dog, and Chicken Butt.

Singapore man - had a fetish of sniffing women's armpits, considered a molestation crime.

It was Tony's FIRST FATHER'S DAY. Woowoo. I TRIED to contact my Daddy, but he hates phones and my phone SUCKS. And I was at Pasta until 3:30 busting my butt for oh, $30. Fantastic. (Love you, Dad.) Brings us to customized greeting cards for dysfuntional families - "Happy Stepfather's Day. Thanks for banging my mom in this lonely chapter of her life." Callers inform me that there are inmate cards - for friends and family in jail, little greetings and messages...

Denny's is recreating their late night image to appeal to the younger, wasted demographic. New night uniforms, changing the restaurant music, and oh look, something called Potachos.

News & Sports:
>Bad day in Turlock - shot and killed by police as he kicked, punched, and stomped a toddler to death. They are still trying to determine the relation between the man and child, who are now both dead.
>Member of the Manson family wants a release from prison. Susan Atkins - murderer of then pregnant actress Sharon Tate has been diagnosed with brain cancer and has a limited time to live.
>R Kelly gets away with peeing on a young "whore" SIX YEARS AGO. Finally this stupid thing can be PUT TO BED.
>Parents of the Year: NC child was found dead. Parents tied him to a tree for being disobediant and untied him the next morning. Apparently he continued to misbehave so they tied him up again through the night and checked on him the next afternoon at around 4:30pm. That's a felony child abuse they are both facing life in prison. Brings us to Momnesia.

*LA Times: 'Biological signs you might be gay.' Do you have lots of big brothers? The more boys a mother gives birth to, the more anti-boy anti-bodies her body produces. Are you lefthanded? Tony is left handed. More lefties are homosexual. Wow. Who knew? Does the hair on your head grow in a counter-clockwise direction? Straight men tend to have a clockwise hair curve. Weird. Are you well endowed? Gay men tend to have longer and thicker penises, than straight guys.

>Lakers took game 5 last night!
>Tiger Woods doing something awesome and amazing!?

Greg Mail:
RE: Woody Show and Justin.tv ... I am really impressed and need advice, how can we get a web cam show on that like yours on Justin.tv? Thanks Greg. Love, Steve @ KNGO or something.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Will it Flush!? POT OF COFFEE (lolololol love Tony.)
Winner won: pfffft. Wal-E'

DumbAss Story
2 dudes in Danville (rolling on E?)* stargazing together. Before 3:30 in the morning, a woman delivering newspapers ran over them in her Nissan Sentra. LOL if anyone is going to be in trouble, it's the boys for SLEEPING IN THE STREETS in the way of cars and traffic. Plus, uh it's PITCH BLACK almost anywhere you go at 3:30 in the morning...

*For the record, the news that I regurgitate on the blog is skewed because I listen to one thing with my left (phone) ear and another thing with my right (WTR) ear. So many things fall in the cracks for that reason and that I suffer from AADD. Yay & thanks.

Josh Honne of Queens of the Stoneage verbally assaulted a fan after he threw something at him on stage. Calls him out and threatens to beat him up. With colorful language.

Music and Entertainment:
>Oh HELLO! Ravey's doing it right now, the report, not sex.
>Something about changing the world.
>Peal Jam's 3 hour set screwed Kanye West's set. He finally went on early early in the morning... booo

Toner Fight - Spud vs WTR+Greg+Menace regarding the TONER for the printer in their office... LOL hilarity follows. Heehee. MiniMoos and Toner Nazi's.

Pointless Listener Poll: "T or F - What men want women to know about them." Men's Health Magazine in response to a women's magazine and the female claim to what they think men want us to know or not.

bare tan shoulders underrated T
speeding now, should see me T
don't play hard to get T
shopping is a chore T
don't talk to me when i'm poopin' T/F
love my friends T
don't be afraid to ditch the makeup T/F
leave eyebrows alone F
express yourself F
I'm watching the game. Be quiet. T
won't stop for driving directions F
sometimes men crave hugs F
just may lie to make you feel good T
get upset over pointless things makes me upset T
can tell when you're faking it T
call just to chat at work, i'm not listening T
chicks who buy us beer, drink it, and watch the game = hot T
no guy wants to be "cute" T
public random gropes are welcomed T
woman who solves her own problems = hot T

Who is Ken the Bastard Bastida? Greg apparently loves him... He announced that Dana (King) was out last night, and then proceeded to read his teleprompter news story making it sound like Dana was murdered and then set on fire. Link to video and article is up above.

Happy happy story!
Last month a couple in TX lost their black lab mix. They received a call that officials found their poochie. They went to pick him up, but he'd already been euthanized. Suing the county and shelter for $206,000. The shelter is changing their euthanasia policy to avoid situations like THESE in the future.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Reese and Ryan's divorce was finalized recently. Shared custody of their children. She's dating Jake Gyllenhal. He's dating some uh Australian actress....
>Hugh Hef turned 82 back in April. Pamela Anderson was naked in a cake. His three GF gave Hef chocolate body parts. Kendra's calls it her "chocolate starfish." I Love you Holly!
>Pam and Tony are living together with their children, who are happier now. For the BILLIONTH TIME.
>Kid Rock rushed to a hospital in London for stomach pains and exhaustion. Yay. "Looks like someone's gonna have a tummy ache!" Homer J. Simpson.
>Keefer Southerland just got divorced and weeks later is getting married for a third time.
>Brad Pitt? New tattoo? WHAT?! Angelina. Criptic messages.
>Shia LaDouche?

Celebrity Birthdays
(2Pac) [omg then Woody proceeds to make gunshot noises for EVERY SYLLABLE he speaks. Bam. Bam. BAM!] - Shai Le Douche - Jason Muse 34 - Gorge Bush Sr. - Jim Helewig - Lori Metcalf - Josh Jackson - Gene Wilder - MaryKate and Ashley - Steve-O - Tim Allen - Donal Trump - Ice Cube - Helen Hunt
Porno Birthdays
Mary Kerry 28 - ran for Governor against the Governator.
Tiffany Taylor 35
Danielle Rogers 41 - 135 films (wow)

Grade Today's Show: 67.4% A

This Week In Non-Sequitors: New thing. I'm not sure how to do it! Strange noises. Hilarity in it's Purest Form. Pray for a blog tomrrow; I just died of laughter.

TG, TG, TGIF

2008-06-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I seem to be very thirsty. Berry thirsty.

Today's Intern: Andrea

Bah. Jam Master Jay rockin' us into the morning. Heh. It's Friday the Thirteenth. Traffic could be noticeably lighter and WORSE, cuz of all the bad accidents from the bad luck everywhere. Fewer cars on the road (from fear of Friday the 13th) = a higher chance of accidents. [This is written sarcasm, excuse me.] Actually less accidents happen.

Uh where did Friday the 13th come from? Some callers say from the Kings of France executing the knights' templar on Friday the 13th. Also that there were 13 people at the Table of the Last Supper and on Friday, Jesus was crucified. Paraskavedekatriaphobia is the fear of Friday the 13th, just so you know...

Woody's getting hated on. Today's the day, babe. So what you gonna do?

News & Sports:

>Hkjn-afdbvxo. Ljnadrsf - y89hoq3n5gaebkj!! Yay!

>Tila Tequila bisexual Myspace "star" says she's responsible for the legislation of gay marriage... really? "I think my show has helped definitely the mov't." REALLY? Wat a dumb bimbo. Where does she eat her Pho, cuz I refuse to go there, now.

>Students cooked and ate a cat on Facebook and have been banned. It was already dead. This was as a protest to the way pigs and other animals are slaughtered and killed for meat. Disappointed that the point of their protest was not understood.

>Retails increased in retails sales by this May. Biggest increase since November of last year.

>Charges dismissed against French Spiderman - "Americans have a proud tradition of something something honehonehone (my Frenchman laugh)."

>Scared straight program? Death and being alive. What?

*Shake that bear dot com

>Bear hunters. A bear chewed off a hunter's arm and groin. Then the man and bear started to wrestle and he shot the bear in the stomach. It died. They look forward to bear season again!

>Celtics - what a rally. THEY BEAT (my) LAKERS.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Will Woody know it?

Winner won: Nascar Tix

Is Ravey sexually harassed at work?

deliberately use sexual language dispite their uncomforable response
avoid work because of the sexually uncomfortable charged situations
invades your personal space by brushing up on you or inappropriate contact
sexual advances
denied a raise relative to sexual favors (?)

Woody's Great Semen Experiment: In honor of Father's Day (sweet)

Woody was browsing Walgreen's and passed the condom isle and spotted a product - male fertility test you can take @ home. Of course, he purchased it and tried it out. Color code reveals generally how fertile the tester is.

Phil, owner of Active Nutrition (like a GNC in SF) tells Woody about Ejaculoid. Mmmmmm tasty. Personally, I take it with my prenatal vitamins instead of eating cereal. Increases amount up to 600 times, organic, and improves oragasm and possibly taste (!!). Cripes! Makin' it rain. Tasty coconut rain.

Jen returns sunglasses from Macy's and lipstick to Walgreens. To Woody's confusion. The term for the abuse of buying, using, and returning products is "Retail Renting." Nordstrom, Costco, Khols, and Trader Joes will take back ANYTHING anytime. It's a store policy for them... weird. But don't abuse it, someone's father got BANNED from Costco for taking it to THAT level.

Music and Entertainment:

>Beck rocks. Not sure why specifically TODAY.

>Dr. Drew - apologizes for calling Tom Cruze's link to Scientology and something negative about child whatevery. The appeal to cults.

>Um...

NJ Story: 36 year old man was driving around drunk until he became sober so his mother wouldn't find out he was drunk. She found out alright when he got into an ACCIDENT from driving drunk.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Wisconsin!!

Story: Busted twice for driving under the influence in the same night. 40 minutes later. What a dip-ish.

Winner won: NASCAR tix

Movies that Make Men Cry: (*cough* poos-eye *cough*)

(Brian's Song?)

Pearl Harbor makes a male caller cry - how does Ben Affleck continue to get work? Getting.

Backdraft

Forrest Gump

Gladiator

Cave Man (girl called it in)

I Am Legend

PS I Love You

My Dog Skip (?) Tony

Saving Private Ryan

King of California (Indie movie?)

The Sporting News Top 20 Movies that Make Men Cry

Schindler's List

Frequency

Dead Poet's

Forrest Gump

The natural

Shawshank

Big Fish

Sea Biscuit

Lord of the Rings return of king

Passion of the Christ

E.T.

Green Mile

Saving Private Ryan

Pride of the Yankees 1942

Rudy

Braveheart

Brian's Song

Old Yeller

Feild of Dreams

Jan Wahl - the Hat Lady Movie Reviews:

>John Cusack in War Inc. He's hot. And Hilary Duff is in it??

>The Hulk - someone informs us that there is no neat scene at the END of the credits.

>Woody and Tony got the Pirates XXX porn for Jan to review. YAY!!

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song:
17.2% Greg's Song - Prince "Controversy"
22.7% Menace's Song - Tupac's "California Love"
21.6% Ravey's Song - Flobots "..."
11.5% Tony's Song - 311 "Do You Right"
Woody's Song - LL Cool Jay "Going back to Cali"

Have a great Bay Area weekend!

How very.

2008-06-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

Katie brought in Round Table Pizza. Hell yeah. "Pepperoni!!!!" Chunk of Goonies. YES! I am very sleepy and unfunctional today.

Today's Intern: Katie (duh)

Lalalalalala. So sleepy today and I got a good night's sleep, too. WTF mate.

Today in History - June 12
1963 - a Mississippi klansman returned hung victims what?
1994 - Nicole Brown Smith and Ron Goldman were found murdered.

Fake video floating around of an in-office freak out where a "surveilance" camera records footage of an employee throwing a tantrum and a computer around a cubicle... Woody makes fun of ppl who fall for staged videos on the internet and scripted phone calls on air that out a cheating member of a married couple in a grown up Butters voice. Heh.

Chris Martin of the UK on world politics. Told Rollingstone mag that the world should vote for the United States' next President... Oh goody ~ Greg has a mini heyday with that one. 'Yes, Peruvians should have a say in who runs our country. I've always felt unfair to the people of Madagascar because they had no say in who was elected President of the US.'

Ravey Does NOT Like Daht

Children's private party clown was arrested recently for being a child pornographer. 9 violations. Business cards had
A drunk Italian couple caught having sex in the confessional booth. Their bishop has forgiven them.
Outside of Target store, a driver almost ran over a mother and her two children, called the mother a bitch, and the mother handed her a a flyer for church, and the driver proceeded to pull her pants down and wipe her ass with the church flyer. Who does that?

News & Sports:
>A woman drove 2 miles in a Muni Tunnel going against traffic at 10 o'clock.
>Marines hurling the puppy off the cliff: one is being suspended the other is being expelled.
>66 year old man is blaming a car accident on brain freeze from a frozen drink. Yeah right.
>Crude oil prices and um gas prices are still rising? What?
>Living life and partying...
>Another emo kid bites the dust.
> :(

>Sports.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Will Tony know it?
Winner won: Project Rev

Chocolate Rain anybody?

Who knew? The years ppl committed suicide? Thanks Ravey. I HATE THE PHONES TODAY. I HATE TODAY.

Sexy Time Fun Facts:
Exciting things. The Blog suffers when Nessa's in a bad bad mood. Boo. Phooey. Fart.

Pointless Listener Poll
"I would rather ________ than have sex with ________."

eat Dean's diaper / butt sex (mines)
lick my own butthole / sex with Donald Trump
eat glass / sex with Ron Jeremy
hear Tony apologize for saying the N word on air / sex with Kim Kardashian
jill off with a rusty nail / sex with Jack Osborne
MANY HORRIBLE THING / Sarah Jessica Parker

Women also think "I'd do him" when they see a hot guy, it's not just men who think like that.

Music & Entertainment:
>Missed it on account of my pure bitchiness.

Today's Guest: Sean William Scott, AKA Stiffler... (we hit 1375 viewers while he was in the studio! Thanks, Sean.)
In the studio promoting the Promotion with John C Riley, Jenna Fischer, Fred Armisen. 2 guys @ a grocery store fighting head to head for the position of store manager. Very funny.

And Sean proves himself to be a SUPER cool guy. Hooray.

Guess the State (1 winner) Great googly moogly!
Pennsylvania!!
Story: 31 yo man went in to a port-o-potty wasted, naked, and fell over.
Winner won: Nascar Tix

Grade Today's Show: 66.3% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Dear rescued from coffee can."

Free coffee breath (& peepee poopoo)!

2008-06-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah. I'm here. You suck it.

Today's Intern: Katie, of the 5-1-0

Gramma stories: apparently Tony's Grandmother fell down the stairs in the basement and her family found her HOURS later. Very sad, it's hard to shed a tear though, when Tony is laughing about it as he describes the story.

Dave got a complaint about yesterday's Guess the State story: baby getting hit in the head with a hammer. Specifically Tony's comment that although the infant is in intensive care, she has a really bad headache. [Insensitive, but kinda funny. Hey, it's GUESS THE STATE. This is not the Feel Good Show.]

30 year old woman didn't know she was pregnant. Running around from bar to bar wearing a bumble bee costume started to feel unwell. She went to her hotel room and delivered her 2 lb boy Owen.

Money: Sac-town - A fight over a living from chair - Jim thinks it's comfortable, Candie wanted it gone... She cleaned out the pockets of the recliner and found a lotto ticket. Think it was an old one, she threw it in the trash. He came home and discovered the ticket was missing. They looked up the numbers online to discover they they won the 5 mill mega bucks.

Dog news:

*Pit Bull and Samurai Sword - Matresses on a porch. Someone punched his GF in the head and had a samurai sword at her throat. Her dog had interfered by biting him.

*A toad survives a dog's stomach in Australia - cane toad (poisonous) spent about 40 minutes in a dog's stomach. Bella, the dog, also survived the toad's poisonous chemicals that they are known to release when under stress. Bunch of survivors, yay.

The White Menace discovers that 944 Magazine is now in the Bay Area, much to his delight. He called the magazine all juiced about them being here and offered to get involved somehow. After the phone call, Menace comes upon the LAST PAGE of the 'zine only to discover that HOOMAN of Alice's Sarah & NoName is the featured Bay Area person of this particular volume. Heh, heh. Now Menace is on the fence about 944...

Craig Gass calls in... Sounds like a cutie. Does a shameless plug for Gene Simmons' Roast that's coming up. Blah blah blah - check his MySpace.

Emails!

*Emily: 2 cents on the next animated clip on the For Reals Lettuce episode.

*Teresa - that's for hosting the most awesome concert evar!

*Dave is related to Ted Kazinske, the Unibomber. Nice.

*Tony Drama: "Awkward" lol there's a podcast on it. Sorry, Veronica. You could crack yesterday's 30 minute awkward with a spoon it was so thick.

Hello, Victor Mature!

News & Sports:

>Tomato Freak Out! Salmonella issues, industry is trying to pinpoint the source of this outbreak.

>First Gay Wedding comin' up... Long-time lesbian couple is finally getting married. They'll be the first ones married. (I like how the UK is reporting this.)

>Ron Paul - what's that old bean up to these days? Something about a rally. Greg calls him a "fruit bat" and "weirdo." I don't get this guy. But, I don't get politics or American goverment...

>10 US airports are putting in scanners that will be able to "undress" travelers and show sex organs and other nono's, highly detailed personal features of their body. The scanners will not expose the person's face and the images will not be saved, stored, or used after the actual scan. Yeah right, that's a little sketch. Fliers CAN opt for a pat down as an alternative to the stripping scanners.

>Australia - A judge stopped a trial upon discovering the jurors playing Sudoku instead of paying 100+% attention... Yuck.

>Missed it over a stupid call. Something about having a built-in recliner or hump-back? Someone has a penis on his back? DAMMIT! Okay - baby born in China with his twin brother's penis attached to his back. The brother was not born and the penis was removed.

>British guy in trouble for assulting his GF upon discovering her having relations with her ex. Neal had been dating this girl, Toni, and he left their apt for a few days for "space." She took advantage of this freedom and invited over an ex boyfriend. During sex with her ex, they knocked the phone over and it dialed Neal. He heard them having sex and rushed over to the apt. Neal stamped on Toni's head so hard he left a shoe print on her face. Slore.

>Sports!

>Yankee's scored @ Oakland Coliseum.

Music & Entertainment:

>Cold Play postpones their tour begin date from mid/end June to mid July.

>Foo Fighters: 2 headlining shows in London sets a record for both the band and the venue.

>My Chemical Romance (Gag. My ears suddenly clogged up, perhaps with ear tears?)

>Rodney King is going to Celeb Rehab. And Rod Stewart's son, all will be mentored by Gary Busey (Who's been free of coke for 13 years. He's kinda messed up from the helmetless motorcycle accident?)

There's an underlying caller/text theme of HATERED regarding the Woody Show vs the Bay Area Listeners' taste in music. Yuck. Flobots vs Offspring. Even with hate for Metallica at the very top of the show. Cripes.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Will Greg Gory know it?
Winner won: Project Rev

Happy happy story!

Kendal in Miami was really depressed about his divorce; he was hanging out at his mom's place. The arrest report said that he was depressed and didn't know how to vent his frustrations so he hurled his mom's dog off the balcony. He's now in jail. What a bobo.

Today's Guest - Cung Le (36 years old)

MMA = "Mixed Martial Arts" for those who are unaware... He will kick your butt!! You all know how much I personally love Vietnamese people and Cung is Vietnamese. HELL YES! He is a total hottie. And his BELT is incredible!! He'll be at Fremont Toyota 1pm on 6/21 for signing autographs.

Next Fight: 6/27/08 with his folks from his gym, Universal Strength Headquarters. Holla. Also he has movies coming out. First one is entitled "Fighting."

He eats pho!! And wheatgrass. I love pho. Cung eats at Pho Kim Long (I think! Near the Great Mall) Check it out, I will and maybe we'll run into him ^_^

1975 he moved from Vietnam to the US; he currently lives in San Jose. It was getting picked on for being a skinny Viet kid growing up that peaked his interest in being healthy and bulking up. Currently he's coaching and working on movies and other arenas of his career rather than fighting competitively. Good for him, he and his successful career is BLOWING up.

We got one caller, the "Keyboard Warrior" that rubbed mellow, zen Cung the wrong way. Look out. Stop bugging the nice MMA man.

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters!

1) Rock Band vs Guitar Hero: What do I buy for my teen center? ROCK BAND all the way. She's getting a Wii at her teen center, too. SICK.

2) Cheats! Yes all games have cheats.

3) Metal Gear Solid bundle (Konami) launch tomorrow & on Saturday Metreon Store 4pm the creator will be there signing autographs. Sweet! Hideo Kojima, who is Japanese, like my Papa.

4) The next Battlefield is going to be a transition to Xbox 360 - called "Bad Company."
*Remember you can always email Mr. Masters: steve@gottgame.com

Grade Today's Show: 85.7% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Big unit jacked up for finish."

I hate Tuesdays

2008-06-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I am late for the 2nd time. Reset the consecutive days list. I worked the restaurant last night. No excuse but definitely a contributing factor... Mom, can you please bring the fire alarm clock tomorrow? Thanks! ALSO Menace had me CRACKING up, as he instilled a new rule that Interns must call Menace and I when they wake up to wake us up. Maybe I'll start calling him too, should I be awak... He used to call me to make sure I was on top of it :/

Today's Intern: Sarah

Woody describes his trouble making early school days. The cool new thing for parents is the ability to check your student's grades and progress reports ONLINE so no more room for kids to sneak information past their parents (like Woody [me too] did growing up).

Karma is a bitch. Woody was upstairs at Alice and stole a boxed lunch from their spread for an artist that was coming in. After removing the tomatoes at home, per Jen's request, and scarfing down the sandwich, life made the Woodster pay for his lunch snatching deed by blowing his butt out. Yuck. Let's hear it for mozzerella.

There's a Fat Chick Fight from BFD '08 from break.com.

Emails!

*Request for a revote for the Flobots cuz they rocked it at BFD.

*Thanks for putting on a great show, love Heather. Had a depressing day recently. Watched a man die.

*Thanks for the best BFD ever. Kathleen.

*Taj: "Mantastic" explination!

Pointless Listener Poll - Flobots, should we bring them back?

59% = Give them another shot!

News & Sports:

>Raw large tomatoes are off the menues in California! 145 people have been infected. 16 states have had folks hospitalized. Salmonella information here.

>Canada is more tight about no-smoking laws. They are trying to hide cigarettes from customers in stores to curb young consumers from smoking.

>Chinese woman. Diamonds and food? Chipping teeth? Swallowing rings - excellent it was a proposal gone wrong.

>New iPhones are coming! We're camping out for this, me and Menace. Totally wanna iPhone.

>Gas + flames. Mass apartment complex caught fire. Were storing 45 gallons of gas in their aparment. Stored in a utility closet covered in rags. The dude who was storing the gas had to jump from his apartment on the second floor and sprained his ankle.

>Teens and internet = "t-r-o-u-b-l-e." Kids are sending naked photos of themselves to each other. Bad idea when they break up and their exes take "revenge."

>The 2 teenage boys were charged for pulling the "Fire in the hole" at Taco Bell. It's when you order a big soda at a drive through and throw it back to the window worker's face. The boys filmed this act and posted it on YouTube. A judge sentenced them with 100 hours of community service and have to write, film, edit, and post their apology.

>Giants complete the sweep!

>The homerun streak is not as exciting as it once was since the steroid craze has tainted the whole experience.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Will Menace know it? (NOPE!)

Winner won: Project Rev Tix

Music & Entertainment:

>New Albums: Alanis, My Morning Jacket, NERD. etc out on CD.

>Bucket List. Funny Games. Are on DVD.

>Home Improvement. Boondocks.

>Trent Rezner - television project. Lawrence Bender? Hmmm....

>Courtney Cox Arquette's her FX Dirt - just got canceled.

Katy Perry (I adore her "UR so Gay" song) gets her "I Kissed a Girl" song played. Not bad.

Pointless Listener Poll - Who's worse: a pack of drunk girls or drunk guys?

(Sarah and I think they're almost equally bad... But annoying, shrieking, pukey girls are a little worse. It's the non-stop "lemme spit my GAME at you all night" and beligerent guys that make me feel murderous.)

13.9% Tony

30.6% Guys

55.5% Girls

Interjection! Woody and Tony get into it when they mention Dave's request of Tony to keep it to a healthy, professional moderate intake of booze at BFD. F bombs were dropped and Tony left the studio to cool off for a quick minute. Boils down to Woody disrespecting Tony's desire to not discuss this on the air and Woody being unaware of crossing any distinct line (we were unaware of the line until Tony blew up). Oh, Tony is/was pissed at Dave for some reason. No one really knows why, and THAT'S why Tone was avoiding this conversation.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Pennsylvania!!

Story: 11-month old girl was flown to hospital after being struck in the head several times with a hammer for CRYING too much. A 4 year old cousin might be the criminal here. Where were the parents? She is not dead, but is in critical condition.

Winner won: Nascar (HELLO - YOU CANNOT WIN TWICE. Don't be greedy.)

Grade Today's Show: 53.1% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Penguins perish after freak truck accident."

BFD Weekend Aftermath

2008-06-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

My tummy hurts. Menace is late, he was up till the wee hours of the morning working on the website... Is headed in.

Today's (bored) Intern: Sam, the man

Gas prices. Yikes $4.90 a gallon.

Emails:

>"I can tell you're lying, I can see it on your forhead."

>The Woody Show's political opinion.

Deliniator - road dividers.

News & Sports:

>Miss Clinton - it's OVER! Wrapped up her campaign and support for Obama.

>Uncooked tomatoes. Salmanila. YUCK. Even in California. Mostly TX and NM. 11 states. No tomatoes = no burritos. Cue burrito song!

>TX woman went to hospital for routine ultrasound, mass tumor on baby as large as the fetus. Removed the baby to separate the tumor from the baby and return it to the womb.

>Kmart's abstinence sweatpants "True Love Waits." Website's ad promotes the abstinance screen print.

>Stabbing rampage in Akihabara, Japan 25 yo man ran a rental truck into a crowd and ran out shouting things and stabbed 7 people to death. It ended with an armed police officer.

>Civil Court Peterson case - Scott will have to stand trial this summer.

*Cue Music: Psycho Killer. Qu'est-ce que c'est!?*

>A sports announcer passed away.

Game (2 winners)
Will Ravey Know it? YES!
Winner won: Project Rev (8/9) & Nascar Infineon Raceway Tix (6/22)

Music & Entertainment:

>2 strong movies: Kung Fu Panda then Don't Mess w/ Zohan (lamers)

>ColdPlay started streaming music? Viva La Vida. Kicking iTunes history BUTT.

>More CelebReality: A bunch of "Where are they now" celebs Signed on for Hulk Hogan's Celeb Champ Wrestling. *Shocking*

>Patrick Swayze after pancreatic cancer: doctors cleared the 55 year old for an A&E show. Refered to Chicago as an amazing untapped city.

>The real green Hulk, Lou Ferrigno is doing something on American Gladiator.

BFD Recap:

Live 105 has interactive options, submit your photos and videos of BFD 08 here. And they have posted a few photos from BFD already, but I noticed several duplicates and all the photos were taken before the sun went down?

I had a GREAT and MANTASTIC time at BFD. This was my first year, so being teamed w/ my roommate, an employee of Live Nation, we had the Ultimate Hook up. Be jealous.

Text Poll - What was your overall impression of BFD this year? 73.9% Had a great time. Stick around NSSN is going to be Bigger and Better rumors.

lawn wasn't open, boooooooo
parking was $15 not $4 like advertised online
Cyprus Hill didn't show up to the Smoke Out? NO WAY MAN they were ALL THERE!!
what happened to the Woody Show fight?
there was a fat chick freak-dancing an elderly lady during Cyprus Hill
someone was super stoned and forgot his ticket at home, locked his keys in the car at Shoreline, and needed a tow truck to let him in his car to get home for his ticket and FINALLY get in to see the show
Pit Passes rocked, but couldn't mosh to PENNYWISE. Wtf, mate?
Scion hooked it up with the Pit Passes for Paul and his son
Linda from OAKLAND came out for the show
Flogging Molly and hot chicks FTW
chest down female crowd surfers
punk rock poser got his ASS KNOCKED OUT during Anti-Flag
high and starstruck by the Flobots, what?!
what was up with the sound system in the Subsonic Tent?

Guess the State (1 winner)
Palm Beach, Florida!!
Story: a theif was run over by a U-haul that he stole, Mr. Willy Lee Thomas III, while it was still running. Cops were chasing him down, he jumped out of the moving vehicle, tripped, and and got under the uhaul and was crushed to his sad death.
Winner won: Project Rev

Crap on Celebrities:
>Amy Winehouse - singing a racist song in a crack den. Her husband was a part of it, he's been in jail for a while now. Wow, to the tune of Head, shoulders, Knees and Toes, everybody sing along! >Rosie O'Donell & her partner are NOT going to get married and take advantage of SF's legalization of same-sex marriages, until the US recognizes same-sex marriages
>Anne Heche has to pay her ex-husband for child support of their son Homer.
>Jessica Biel moving in with Justin Timberlake - they're both super excited!
>Sean Stewart gonna be in Celebrity Rehab
>Queen Latifa is coming out with her own scents.
>Jessica Alba and her hubby has a baby girl this weekend. Engaged in December after they announced he pregnancy.
>Steph Tanner from Full House gave birth to Zoe 7 weeks ago. Yay for late celeb news. Battled Meth-head syndrome... Nice

Celebrity Birthdays:
~Natalie Portman 27 - Johnny Depp 45 - Mike J Fox - Dick Vitel - Donald Duck 74 - Jackie Mason~
Porno Birthdays:
Samantha Strong - 145 films (?) Still working on getting my brain to wrap around this segment. How do I go into shock when they mention "Porno Birthdays." She's 42 today!

Grade Today's Show: 42.1% A / 42.1% B

Today's Just the Headline: "Defendant's speech ends in long sentence."

It is a big freakin' deal.

2008-06-06T05:50:00.000-07:00

Words words words.

Today's Intern: Andrea

Nice cornball old school morning music(I got the poWA!). Who is Tigre and Bunny? I named my boobs "Tiger" & "Bunny" in high school. Funny thing is, at this point I don't even remember who is who.

Two men tried to climb the side of a 52 story skyscraper in NYC from Times Square yesterday One man was French Spider Man.
67 German man passed out between railroad tracks and didn't wake up even while a train ran over his slumbering body. He was five times the legal limit.
Rodeo clown chases and taunts his bicycle theives who trap themselves in their getaway car that wouldn't start until cops arrive.

Emails

>UK love - "best radio station we've ever listened to!" Great story about a train in England that hit a cow and a dumb passenger who asked a train employee if the cow was on the tracks. He replied, "No we chased him around the feild for a while but we got the bugger in the end." Lovin' the British sarcasm.

>When an emailer was in 1st grade his sister was a Sr in HS. They were discussing nipples. She mentioned that it was odd that he had two nipples. Hilarity ensues when she brings in a dead siamese twin and their mother goes along with the story.

>Green Lantern vs Green Horn are really night and day, duh. Dork talk.

>Writer's wife is baby talking in bed.

>Office Max strikes again. And again....

>The most bipolar brilliant email ever. Filled with love and hate all at the same time. And just as delicious.

What is a "Super Dave?" Retro cable TV memory lane... Ah that takes me back to 2004?

Today's Guest: Dana Gould of the Simpsons is in the studio today!

He is at the San Jose Improv this weekend:

Friday 6/6 @ 8pm and 10pm

Saturday 6/7 @ 7pm and 9pm

62 S. Second Street

San Jose, CA 95113

(408) 280-7475

News & Sports:

>Gavin Newsom wants to get gay marriages underway ASAP. June 16th at 5pm.

>Clinton and Obama had a secret and surprise meeting. Top Secret meeting.

>Mariners. Lesbians at the game were "making out" and an usher asked them to "tone it down."

>Condom use among teens is UP from years past and sex has gone DOWN among teens.

>Osama begs for death for 9/11.

>HS teacher in trouble for yelling at a student. He told a student that he would rip his eyeballs out, pee on you, and kill your family. A little harsh, but high schoolers are a pack of monsters. I'd say something similar I'm sure. And I have.

>Sports.

>Dallas - Jacobs was shot to death over steroids in pro sports? NFL whistle blower after he ratted out players to officials.

Happy Happy Story!

You work hard, look forward to retirement. Sharon taught her last class after 36 years. Packed up her things and prepared for her summer and retirement. Five minutes later, she had a heart attack and passed away. WTF. Oh, how we love the Happy Happy Theme Song ^_^

398 tix left at 8:10 this morning. We're at MAX capacity cuz its festival seating.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Press your luck (No whammy, no whammy, stop)

Winner won: Pit Passes

Music & Entertainment:

>Missed it, lines blew up after BFD Pit Pass bonanza for Wal-E tickets??

>The View is going to broadcast live in HD from Las Vegas. lol Ravey's STOKED!

>Rapper TI getting more serious about acting...

We hit 815 in the Justin tv webchat/webcam = DANCE PARTY. Super cute.

Jan Wahl, the Hat Lady

*What happened to the Jan Porno review?

*Pirates XXX - $1 million dollar budget, costumes, etc.

Crap on Celebrities

>Mike Tyson with a depressing quote. Yikes.
>Who is Tatun Oneil? Buying crack?

>George Clooney - dumps his girl, Sarah Larson. LOL She thought they were going to get married. Don't you get it? Clooney doesn't marry.

>Marky Mark was charged with attempted murder. Those poor Vietnamese men :(

Celebrity Birthdays

Lots of birthdays!! Happy Birthday!!

Porno Birthday

Holly Body is 38 today.

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song:

Greg's Song - Moby "We Are All Made of Stars"

31.3% Menace's Song - Ray Love "Get My Money On"

Ravey's Song - Coldplay "Viva la Vida"

39% Tony's Song - Busta Rhymes "We Made It"

Woody's Song - Slick Rick "Children's Story"

Greg won last time (right before Memorial Day Weekend)

We will see you guys at BFD - Have a great weekend. SUCK IT!

Insert clever title here.

2008-06-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

Greetings and salutations. Cramping pain. Katie, goddess that she is, comes through to the rescue! *hugs* BESTEST MOOD I'VE BEEN IN FOR A LITTLE BIT. Enjoy it, folks.

Today's Intern: Katie

The toilet fan on the space station has been repaired! Yay!
Japan: The Magical Water Princess: makes sounds to mask the noises made in the restroom to avoid billions of courtesy flushes.

Dave is not a fan or supporter of the Grace episode. A mental institution in Germany created a false bus stop on the property to reduce escapes from the premises by resident patients. (Heehee.)

Emails!
>I get hate for putting someone on hold and for having to tell them (this is the SECOND person, BTW) that I'm sorry, but you are actually NOT the winner. Just because you make a stink about it, doesn't mean you're going to get a free win. I MADE A MISTAKE. I'd say suck it, but you already are.
>Racist jokes that aren't funny... Something about Jay-z. Missed it.
>Sex & the City emails... The women are sluts and whores converstation. Women empowerment, thanks to actors like Sandra Bullock.

Ravey looks forward to vacation time after BFD to get away from all the women-haters on the show. She ranks the guys Woody, Greg, Tony, Menace for most misogynistic to least.

News & Sports:
>Clinton-Obama updates.
>Teens are having less sex and getting less high... (Something is reminding me of HMB.) Statistics galore.
>Bay Area something?

>Redwings are the Stanley Cup Champs. Much to Ravey's chagrin, disappointment, and sadness. Lol, for some reason I want to say, "EeeeeeeeyORE" not as a burn, it just sounds appropriate... Love you Renae Cupcake Ravey.
>Mets beat the Giants (by 3?)

DumbAss Conest (1 winner)
The Family Cube
Winner Won: Pit Passes

Music & Entertainment:
>Who wants to be a millionare? I DO.
>FHM - Megan Fox "I have the labido of a 15 year old boy!"

Man-Cow Hate and Cereal Love.

Sexy Time Fun Facts - Things commonly done wrong in bed.
*16 stainless steel metal washers around his junk. How did they end up there? They were stuck, afraid that if he slid them off, his penis would come off with them. Doctor used razor sharp, metal cutting scissors to remove the washers and leave his junk in tact.
*Sexual medicine defines premature ejaculation:
1- Unable to delay your ejaculatory explosion
2- Become stressed and avoid sex because of your early explosions
3- Finish w/ in a minute or even before the sex begins
List of things commonly found to be bedroom sexy time mistakes:
'8oh;kjb .kjha;oerhgn;zlkijhxcvpobhn;ansfd;libu insert awesome list HERE.

Pointless Listener Poll:
What drives you (yuck) crazy in bed?

My in bed pet peeve - Nipple Abuse
Deep scratches
Farting
Uninterested/inappropriate conversations
Drunk sex
Talking about the ex
Fake orgasm
Stinkiness
Won't reciprocate oral
Contradicting motions, bad movement, cramping, stopping, breaking the flow
Routine

Greg Gory Hate Male (I really should not be in charge of summarizing politically charged antics)
*Daniel: HS student looking forward to voting. Voting for Obama.
Greg: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
*Cecilia: Screw you. Corporate sellouts. LOL. Thanks. The USA is the country that pays the most taxes for the least services. You're all white spoiled brats. You just want more money, don't you? The awesomest part: you just give the Swiss government half your paycheck and everything is FREE. Byebye 50% of my paycheck, HELLOOOOOO free stuffs!
Greg: Ooooooh more hate and ignorance than a Klan rally.
*Lori: I can't wait to wake up when Obama becomes president!
Greg: you won't wake up. JK he didn't say that, I did.
*Stewart: Calls Greg a "faggot" and points out Greg's shirts hug his man boobs.
Greg: Fashion updates Stewart.

New Feature: Greg's Liberal Hall of Fame
MADDEN of the Madden Radio Disaster

Grade Today's Show: 60% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Complaints about NBA referees growing ugly."

Grace under fire.

2008-06-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

Uh.

Today's Intern: Jeremy

Oh kewl. Twitter hate. And Woody throws information back in Menace's face and takes revenge on an old friend. Bro-code?

OMG AND THEN THE INTERNET CRAPPED ON US. MY BLOG GOT EATED!! I'M SO MAD RIGHT NOW!! Combo this and other technical difficulties and my hormonal PMS with a side of poor sleep. Sorry all. :(

F@CK

It rubs the lotion on itself.

2008-06-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Okay.... So the BF flies out at 9am this morning. It was a bittersweet farewell. I wish him the best.

HEY! WE ARE NOT NECESSARILY GIVING PIT PASSES ON THE TOP OF THE HOUR DURING THE WOODY SHOW. WAIT FOR WOODY'S GO-AHEAD.

Today's Intern: Sarah

Planes and flipflops discussion...

Emails:

>Someone got suspended at his high school for the whore naming game/poll... lame. The school assumed the caller was "outing" someone in his school while it was another girl of the same name elsewhere.

>YAY "you guys are funny." She looked at our photos online and thinks we look mostly "normal," except for Menace who was not what she expected.

>You guys are awesome ~ she loves Miss Ravey. And sends some burns/rips towards Menace.

>Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse? More like a man! (Jennifer Aniston looks like Dustin Hoffman) Oh, look. It's Jennifer Hoffman. Lol.

News & Sports:

>Primaries are almost over?? Could end today! Obama might win the final show down.

>Gay marriage is gonna be a big topic this November... Gays, get married while you still can!

>Man responsible for an American icon... eh uh er. Mr Pringles can is dead?

>Lingirie store, Secrets, opening and selling sex toys as well. Shopping bags say "Smile you're on YouTube." In Vacaville? Goody. Caller advises that there is also a store in Pleasant Hill and Concord. Let's all go!

>Drugs: NYC - new thing is to rub Prep-H to make their torsos look tighter. LOL!!!

>A's & Giants...

>Hockey!! Penguins won. Even I saw it with the entire house, together for the last time.

>TO got a new deal yesterday. W00t theses ppl make way too much money. Just to toss and kick a ball. Sheet.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Simple Jeopardy!

Winner won: Pit Passes

We Are Rockstars - by Does It Offend You?

Oh, Miss Chang is downstairs this morning doing her Tai-Chi... Sweet.

Music & Entertainment:
>Weeeeeezerrrrrrrrr. Band member named River. With his Moooosestash. :D
>Radio Head.

>Yes, caller number 20 wins!

Special Caller #1: Kevin

Oh? I was mowing the lawn. And a bee flew up my pants. So I took off my pants and RAN AROUND THE LAWN IN MY UNDERWEAR!! (lol) And my neighbors pointed and laughed at me... (Woody tries to get him to gargle over the phone to fix his shotty connection. Kevin is apparently in the desert.)

Stupid Young Teenage Girls in the News:

>17 year old Giana was pulled over by police on Friday night. She blew a .15 BAC and told the officer, "I didn't drink, I was kissing a boy who was drunk all night." There were empty beer cans in her car and purse.

>Lebenon Main, 2 teens sunbathing got hit by a train. Train came upon them unexpectadly. They were on towels on the RAIL ROAD TRACKS. They were cutting class and lost legs after the freight train ran them over. The conductor said he blew the horn several times and they made attempts to scramble away at the last minute, too late. One of them said they had fallen asleep.

>Lakeworth FL, robbed a 9 year old girl scout outside of a grocery store. 17 year old girls snatched an envelope containing $150 and ran away. "I wanted that money," one of the bad asses says nonchalantly.

Special Caller #2: Grace

HELLO ... ? I'm getting a lot of pressure to come into the station. (Why?) Because society is telling me too. (Why would society pressure you to come to the station?) Because 12 years ago, Steve Masters wanted to go out with me? [This is SO to be continued tomorrow with Masters himself during Gott Game.] And we got Grace to gargle over the phone to fix her static-y phone reception.

Crap on Celebrities:

>Lindsey Lohan reportedly turned down 1 mill for a cover story where she had to admit she's gay.

>Nick Hogan wants out of jail... :( Attorny's requested that on Monday he be removed from his solitary confinement. He's still in the early stages of his 8 month sentence.

>Kim Catrell will star in another sex based comedy-drama on HBO based on the UK's "Sensitive Skin."

>Kelsey Grammer - recovering in a Hawaii hospital from a mild heart attack.

>Bo Diddley died of heart failure at 79.

Celebrity Birthdays

~ Scott Valentine - Chuck Barris - Tony Curtis ~

Porno Birthday

Nadia Hilton & Blondie (Not Debrah Harry)

Grade Today's Shows: a lot% A (cuz of Grace)

Just Today's Headline: "Police bust party in man's pants."

Caller Five Jillion Wins

2008-06-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Think I'm getting sick... At least I know I look and feel like caca.

Today's Intern: Sam Sam

SO FLIPPING COLD IN HERE.

Food prices are increasing. Even the price of SPAM is increasing. Ew! SPAM? The price of everything is rising, rising...
There is an all Black cable news channel starting up. Why does race even need to be iterated in news perspective? Callers bring up how it'll be a black news channel ran by a white man.

Emails!
Missed it cuz I was takin' Comin'At Cancer VIP Pass info. LOL YAY BFD - I can taste it.

News & Sports:
>Road rage on 101 leaves a teenager and toddler dead. Police are looking for a white Toyota or Honda.
>Homeless woman was living unbeknownst to a man in his apartment. He video surveilanced his home when he noticed food going missing when he was away and caught her on tape.
>Spell Numbnut, I mean numnah.

>HOCKEY TALK!
>Kyle Bush is unstoppable in Nascar this year.
>Lakers v Celtics

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Woody Show Password
Winner won: BFD Pit Passes

Music & Entertainment:
>Missed it thanks to the, "Uhhhhh, caller 20 on the hour?" calls. Fail.

Sex & the City takes over the phones and the show for like 30-45 minutes. Mmmmmmmm.
Vanessa is super gasy today. Hawt. Glasses and gases.

Celeb Bdays:
Dave Hernandez - Collin Farrel - Brooke Shields - Leah Thompson - Chris Elliot - Justin Long (swoon!) - Wayne Brady - Dana Carvey - the Beaver - Clint Eastwood - Alanis Morrissett - Morgan Freckles Freeman
Porn Birthdays:
2 b'days. Bunny Blue & some other slut.

Grade Today's Show: 75% A

Today's Just the Headline: "If your baby doesn't like fresh milk it should be boiled." Lolz.

Short weeks move fast.

2008-05-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

Grumpy. Sleepy. Tired. Hungry. Upset. Stressed. These are a few words to describe my moods RN.

Today's Intern: MIA (not the musician) - Andrea!

Menace can't caca at the hotel he typically heads to, for nakey-nakey deuce dropping time Apparently they took his photo and has been interrogated. :( A cab driver recommends that he tell the hotel that he's just a cab driver.

Recap/revisit (gingerly) the Sarah&NoName battle yesterday. For many reasons I just don't want to have to delete my content :( Uh what is Swat Monkey? Also, this is the artice that started it all, at least the Woody's Show half.

Emails
>Woody Show love. Go monkeys.
>Lies about Fireworks for their daughter's 5 year old birthday.
>Props to the Greg v Office Max Freakout. This is why Greg should be president!
>Nword email - shock jock challenge. Don't call it "Frisco."

Deliberations of how to handle the Battle Royal from yesterday as the saga seems to continue. Listeners wanna KNOW!! (So do I.) Whew. That's wasn't so bad!

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)
Are you a good American?
Winner won: Hulk Tix

Drama happens - the blog suffers. Woody does have strep throat. I know because I'm his physician. No, we know because he said so.

Woody requests that you (the awesome listening audience) leave Dave alone. BOTTOM LINE IS: Woody gets the rest of today off and tomorrow (Friday) off. He's resting up so he can be healthy for BFD '08. Hell yes. Feed better, Woodster.

Grade Today's Show: % A

Today's Just the Headline: "..."

Little competition never hurt anybody

2008-05-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Bah. I walk slow when Jeremy is here...

Today's Intern: Jeremy

Menace dreams of Dennis Richmond... Man cuddle puddle. The show has been nominated for the SF something something. They need a photo of the crew. Lalala.

$1 box of moon pies = weapon in battery against elderly homeless man. Snakes... animal cruelty. A pet python was nailed to a telephone poll with 6 nails left to die in Massholechusettes.

Traffic & Weather:
I'm just kidding. I love it when Greg does traffic + weather. Saw a CRAZY accident by Battery & Market yesterday. Fire hydrant was spraying, a bumper fell off, and another car was flipped all the way on its roof. :-O

Emails!
*Greg's Freakout Video - Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper funny. Check it out!! HILARIOUS, animated by Chris Julian. Greg has a short fuse and it is priceless. Writer suggests: try Weights and Measures.
*Office Max deserves some hate - love, another F'ing Office Max employee.
*2008 Live 105 500 countdown be on the air for about a month?
*England's Century FM station is having a competition "Where in the World" station hides tickets around the world. Tickets have been located at the Live 105 station attached to a piece of DJ equipment. Interesting!
*Re: Surfer Spud - a walk down memory lane... is Spud an EXEC?!??! Challenged and questioned by Daryl.
*Global HEAT - I am a chick. I am young. And I am hot - I think global warming is bogus!

Text Poll (hot chicks only - Yes, No, Don't Care) Does man have a direct effect on the global warming?
50% 50%

News & Sports
>Santa Cruz fires 80% contained. YAY! Smoldering brush fire
>China's being nice. 1.3 billion ppl. CHINA, YOU ARE OVERPOPULATED. REFRAIN FROM HAVING 18 BABIES. Amnesty?
>NASA is totally affordable. Space travel - generates $156Billion. Toilet's fan in space stopped working (Menace: "Turd Chopper") and is a big problem. To fix it, tracking down spare parts, fly it out to Discovery space shuttle. When the toilet reaches capacity, they'll have to seal their caca and peepee in plastic bags.

>Baseball News!
>Tiger Woods - had knee surgery!

Problem with the transmitter today ~ watch it on Justin-dot-tv. Sweet. Signal Strike! San Jose cannot hear us.

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)
Impossible Trivia - how many kernels does the average ear of corn contain? 800 kernels. 16 rows.
Winner won: HULK!!

Happy happy story!
16 year old. Stripped of her flesh. And he flushed down the toilet. Dumped the rest at butcher markets, placed among meat. weighed down her limbs with rocks and sank it off a bridge. Prostitute. Charged with murder.

Pointless Listener Poll: Lies You told your Kids, or Were told Growing up.
Why do we lie to children in the first place? Protection and to get them to not do certain things. Identity. Sex. As an amusement for adults. To get children to Listen. Ravey brings up the "Why?" phase.

Swallowing watermelon seeds will grow a watermelon in their stomach
Babies are shipped from Kmart
Keep making that face and it was get stuck in that position
Moon is made of cheese
Teaching them the wrong children.
Turn your voice box off (to curb kids from swearing)
The bumps in the road are turtles sleeping and when she misbehaved in the car he'd run them over.
Don't make fun of retarded ppl or you will become retarded
Masturbate = blind
Santa Clause -
Tooth Fairy didn't come because she was on vacation
Easter Bunny -
if you don't wash your privates reall well, they'll fall off
Watch TV in the dark - bad eyes
Mtn Dew reduces sperm count
Threats if death to get things done... lol

News Break: SF Weekly ~ Best of SF '08. First thing is People and Places. Front page "Best morning radio and crew = Sarah and Noname." The article inside "Best morning crew = The Woody Show." LOL. Confused? Newspaper BLOOPER? Hahahaha. Readers poll... vs the newspaper's pick? Do'h.

Music & Entertainment
>Missed it. Does Alice qualify for this segment as filler?

Who knew?
*Ravey DID!! Top paying hourly rated jobs. Panhandling vs Construction.
*Sometimes flight attendants have to deal with nasty thingies in airplanes. Dirty diapers. People who had sex in their chairs.

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters
Nerd Luv!! ^_^ steve@gottgame.com email him with your RELEASE DATE questions, and other things.

Grade Today's Show: 96.8% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Swat team mistakes Lara Croft for crazed gunman."

Shmuesday

2008-05-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a wonderful extended weekend...

Today's Intern: Our Lady Sarah (who brought in Patron and Bio-K+, yum!)

Weekend Recap Ravey got a little sick. Woody was sick. Tony pooped thrice on the plane ride home. Greg BBQ'd it up all weekend. Menace does not like extended time off because it reminds him of life being laid off. Woody goes to Michaels for all of 2 seconds and heads over to Super K-mart. Dumpsville Alert.

Emails:

>Anna - Hooray, this weekend you guys managed to play some REALLY good music. Few new and few old songs. Food, blood, puke, and "S." Hooray on this weekend's Memorial 500 list. Woody says "you cannot fall off the floor." Brilliant.

>HMB is a beautiful place. Point taken. We get it. We anticipate the creation of Half Moon Island!

>Global Warming: your audience cares. Especially women. Continue to refer to Global Warming as a theory and you will lose your fine (and foxxy) chicks in your listening audience.

Pointless Listener Poll:
Memorial 500 Weekend

94.6% of texters really dug it

News & Sports:

>Gay wedding invites as soon as 6/14: Same sex couples can marry as soon as June 14. Yay, it's legal. There is a complication... County forms have to be uniform and they have to determine terminology for same sex couples in replacement of "bride" and "groom."

>West Virginia woman pulling off a miracle? 59 year old woman called her son while she experienced a serious heart attack. He arrives at her home and she was on the floor motionless. When the paramedics arrived her heart had stopped beating and they pronounced her dead. She was hooked up to life support and rigormotis had begun to set in. Her son started making funeral arrangements when he received a call from the hospital: as the staff pulled the plug, she came back to life 14 hours after being pronounced dead. WTF?! They expect her to make a full recovery. Wow, ultra high five for her.

>Basketball player kicked off team for being too good! 12 year old girl (awww, she's really cute) joined an all boys basketball league. No one had a problem with it until they saw her play. She's 6 foot tall. Parents and the league are using the gender card to kick her out of the league because she's better than the boys (and I'm sure she's taller, too). A college in Oregon has already offered her a scholarship. Sweet! Good luck finding a husband though...

>A's & Giants were off yesterday...

>Phillies beat the Rocky's 20-5

>Red Wings are steam rolling the Penguins.
>Detroit was the place to be! Pistons crush the Celtics.

>Big Brown horse has experienced a hiccup. A quarter crack in his left hoof. Could take days to a few months to heal.

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)

Greg Gory Friends Challenge (Stupid Ross. Ruined it for me, that blasse douche)

Winner won: Incredible Hulk Tickets

10 items that you think make you look cool but don't.

From Maddox's, The Best Page in the Universe. (I LOVE LOVE LOVE THAT SITE. Be sure to revisit 'I am better than your kids.') Guess he's got a book out about being a man. You can look into it, I'm already man enough.

iPhone
Ironic belt buckles
Bluetooth head set
Quoting Austin Powers, Borat, and Old School (LOL - no fair, I LOVE Boratitis.)
PT Cruiser (gag)
Tricked out bicycles
Rock Band video game
uh... uh? mmmm... huh
Longboard skateboards
Funny ringtones

CROCKS! Sunglasses when it's dark or in a building. the Prius. Nor*Cal stickers. Truck Nuts. Tite pants on straight men. Giant sports brands on their car. Spinners. Large muscular guys with shaved legs. Loud motorcycle engines. Oversized white T's. Tramp stamps. Smoking weed (lols). Chevy HHR. The guys that set up camp at Starbucks ALL DAY LONG.

Greg's semi Perma Ban from Office Max... is ANIMATED!! Click here to witness Greg's Freakout! By Chris Julian. Awesome. Hugs to him, friend of friend of Menace.

Music & Entertainment

>New Music Releases: Sex & City Soundtrack. Cindy Lauper. Usher.

>Indiana Jones = scores #1 at the Box Office. :( Shocking.

>YouTube celebrity, Chris Crocker is mentioned.

>Kim Kardashian - almost gave boyfriend Reggi Bush a heart attack after she publicly announced that she's 2 months pregnant. She was just joking.

1943 Guide to Hiring Women - 11 old school tips

Pick young married women
If you have to hire older women, hire those who have worked outside the home at some point in their lives
General experience indicates that "husky" girls are more even tempered than their lean sisters
Retain a physician to give female hires a physical examination
Stress at the outset the importance of time
Give female employee a definate list of tasks and duties
Let the inside employee change from time to time
Give every girl adaquette rest time
Be tactful when issuing criticisms and delegating duties. It breaks their spirit and slows their efficiency
Be considerate when using strong language around women
Get enough size and variety in uniforms!

Guess the State (1 winner)

Ohio!!

Brittany has failed math portion of her GED repeatedly. Now she wants to pass to get her GED AND to get her father out of jail. When she was staying with her mom, she'd skip schoo. She became a mother at 16 years old and quit school altogether. The courts put Brian, her father, in charge of her education. He was charged with contribution to the deliquent of a minor. So he's in jail cuz she can't do her math.

Winner won: Incredible Hulk Tix

Fist Foot Way - tae kwon do movie? with the cats from anchor man... or something. speaking of which, check out trailer park boys. it's canadian and really funny. i know i'm not using capital letters, F U! happy?

Crap on Celebrities

>Nick Hogan whining hoping to get his butt out of jail early. Another Hogan got into an accident?

>Lindsey is not a lesbian... Cannes Film Fest and was making out friend Samantha.

>Woody Allan will disappear for 40 days and water survival to refresh his head.

>Brangelina spent $7 mill on an estate. She's expecting twins.

>JLo and Anthony are caring for their children on their OWN. their nanny up and left abruptly.

>Rob Knox in Harry Potter was stabbed to death outside of a bar.

>Dick Martin of Laughin' ... is hooking up with Kelsey Grammer and reviving his career! Huzzah! Wait, who is this?

Celebrity Birthdays

Andre 3000 - Todd Bridges - Peri Gilpin - Lou Gossett Jr.

Porno Birthday

Lexi Belle

Grade Today's Show: 66.4% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Farmer's chemical fueled vomit does something with gas."

Muh-muh-muh-memorial Day Weekend

2008-05-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Dean and Beth come by the station today. Happy Memorial Day weekend... Bleh. I have a ONE day weekend. So, suck it all you three-four day weekend peeps... And Menace barely made it in this morning. WTF. Who brought in cupcakes? I hope their not poisoned 'cuz I'm eatin' them.

Today's Intern: Andrea

Woody goes to Michaels this weekend w/ Jen to make programs. Tony's off to St. Louis. Ravey is going to Pittsburg. Vanessa stays at home. Menace might go to Vegas. Knowing Greg, he might tag along. Kidding.

Emails
>Marvin from the "Frisco Bay" - Woody Show Friday Song suggestions. Interesting. He recommends everyone chooses a rap song from the Bay.

>Seattle Matt (AKA Sleeping Beauty) - "Thanks Dicks. In my defence I was up at 4 am the day before... Am sick." Oh boy, Woody's throat hurts, could be Matt's fault.

>Eric in WC - Seattle Matt mentioned how tired he was.

>Adam - just moved to the Bay Area. Love the show. lalala Thanks Adam!

>Greg-geg - Hatin' on the HMB crud"izzle." And love to Ravey (foin woman) and Greg's political stance.

>Soooooo Bay Area, on HMB. Nina: Stop stereotyping small towns in the Bay Area. Best hippie teenager voice EVAR! Reminds me of Daria.

>The Woody Show rips on practically every city in the Bay Area. Any city that comes up gets reemed for the reasons the city is in the news/a topic of discussion.

>Movie segment with Jan isn't this emailer's favorite. Loves Jan, just feels the variety of movie conversation is limited.

>Global Warming: We lost a listener over global warming. Really? And then he's going to our sales department. Why. I don't get it.

>Gravity is also a theory... cuz global warming is for real. so east bay so bay area. hottest day 136 degrees El Azizia Libia Sept 13, 1922. Hottest Day. 2nd hottest Death Valley 134 degrees 1914.

News & Sports:

>Santa Cruz Mountain Fire - still raging out of control. Burned 34 acres. 15% contained. This is a big fire. Yikes.

>True crime story involving Charles Manson: authorities were digging for hidden graves in the last known hide out. Ended yesterday and found nothing.

>Car Deal Sales going through roof!

>Polygamists in Texas courts: authorities had no right to seize the children. Texas fails to show that the children were not in any dire danger. Not enough evidence.

>Reduces traffic
>18 year old girl something - someone's getting more than the max sentence

>Brave fan was drinking at a baseball game. Decides to slide down the hand rail, unfortunately he wound up falling 15 stories to his dead - authorities state that "alcohol was a factor."

>Detroit Pistons ended oponants' winning streak.

>Redwings and Penguins - Stanley Cup Finals

>Giants and A's were off yesterday...

>MLB wants to speed up their games - players need to hustle their bustle out on the field and will be charged with penalties for taking too long.

>USC's OJ Mayo has terminated his relationship with his agent. His mother made the statement to the public. I don't know what's going on. Who is OJ Mayo?

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)

the Virtual Driver's Exam. Study showed: 16.4% of drivers wouldn't pass the DMV driver's test, that means 33 million drivers in America don't know the current rules of the road. The lowest 5 states that scored were Georgia, Massachusettes, NY, Washington DC and New Jersey. The top 5 states were Minnesoty, Idaho, Nebraska, Whyoming, and Kansas(#1).

Winner won: Woody Show Prize Pack.

Pointless Listener Poll - What was your senior prank?

*Granite City - a senior belly flopped onto the hood of the car, hit his head on the pavement, and it killed him. He would have graduated.

*Texas - her dress was too revealing. Didn't make it to the ballroom because the dress violated dress code. Wicked short. Midsection. Picture: marche taylor

*Class of .08 seniors T-shirts. Pushin it to the limit. School decided it sent the wrong message. So 45 students were suspended for wearing it.

*Tenn - student rides his horse to school on his last day of classes. No graduation ceremony for him. Because he rides his horse to school... WTF. So stupid. He was being green. Leave him alone!

1 million goldfish in the pool = 1 million dead fish
stocked soda machine with a bunch of beer
glued the school locks, lockers glued shut,
filled main hallway with half full dixie cups
termites ate thru his admin's wooden leg
fed pot to the gerbils in the bio lab. one ran himself to death on the wheel :(
entire sr class hid bouncey balles in their palm and as they shook the dean, the balls dropped on the stage. Ha!
3 pigs were put on campus and they were numbered 1, 2, & 4. Teachers spent all day looking for #3 and there was none.
Called in about a kegger off campus where the keg was empty...
Sr's found roadkill and brough it back to school and threw it in the pool. wrote fresh meat on the wall.
'96 - autoshop only girl. pretended her hand got stuck in car parts with fake limbs from Halloween

Music and Entertainment:
>Marvel comics = movies
>Spike Lee - where's the Negro soldiers in Eastwood's version of Iwo Jima?
>American Idol. (There, I said it. Er, typed it.)

That's just not right vs Happy happy story! 64% brings us to NOT RIGHT:
44 yo man selling someone for sex 19 yo woman that got married in stockholm. using site to sell sexual services. Hmmm missed it cuz Katie is here to see Dean and Beth. W00t.

Jan Wahl - Movies & Hat Time
Indiana Jones: something something something cuz of the VIP Lymphoma Research Foundation

Crap on Celebrities
MANY BORING THINGS. Get a pedicure and read one of those magazines to get filled in on this segment. This isn't hate. It's just filler for data that I missed. :(

Celebrity Birthdays
Jewel - drew carry - john c reily - heavy d - preseley - b dill - tommy chong - ethan seply - jamie kennedy - anne heche - mike meyers - frank oz - Sir ian mccallan - matt stone - kravitz - bobcat golthwait - sally ride - naomi campbell - morrisey
Porno Birthdays
Ana Chong - asian-atrix
I missed some of the others.

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song: (AKA Menace gets the most votes & we hear 4 other songs for 30 seconds)
Greg's Song - KORN "Thoughtless"
27.3% Menace's Song - Drew Down "Mac of the Year"
13.8% Ravey's Song - MC Hammer's "Can't touch this"
9.5% Tony's Song - Neil Diamond "America!"
20% Woody's Song - Jay Z "99 Problems"
The White Menace, Defending Champion. The show might end the segment if Menace wins it every week. HOWEVER Greg one. Finally a new champ reigns.

Murder

2008-05-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

This morning the SF skyline was beautiful, gorgeous, and amazing.

Today's Intern: the beautiful and talented Miss Katie

Hometown pride talk. Woody mentions that sometimes people have a blind pride of their hometown. Ravey claims that for her it seems that absence makes the heart grow fonder. To a certain extent I guess you could say that there are certain things I miss about Fremont... I enjoy knowing that place like the back of my hand. Certain places hold good memories and are one of a kind places where you can only get something special, etc. But if it were to randomly fall off the map, I'm pretty sure I could move on and not want to slit my wrists. Frankly.

Emails RE: dead issue. deleted upon request.

News & Sports:
>Airlines and their stupid fees...
>Bush bars genetic discrimination act.
>Slore story: Sex & the City fan or something?
>SF first city to pass rule fine businesses for contribution to global warming. So businesses will be charged $0.044 per ton of carbon waste they emit into the air.
>What? Someone passed away? SF news anchor... ? Fox? WHAT? A deep voice?

>Marlins in the NEEEEEEWS.
>Lakers' game 1. Kobe.
>Celtics.
>Dolphins & Jason Taylor. Guess he's not coming back... ?

Girls Gone Gross:
Girls Gone Wild meets the world of chick farts and burps! Yummm.
Seymour Bucks is on the phone with us, owner and CEO of Girls Gone Gross. Hot chicks that aren't shy about breaking wind, some up and coming actresses. Uh, CBS IT department has a block on that site, so this is the next best thing that I found on YouTube... I did not get the email address but it could be: girlsgonegross@hotmail.com.

Sexy Time Fun Facts
Who's the biggest slut or man-whore that you know?
*My friend - Chad
*Linda - Laticia, was hoin' it up online in love chats
*lots of ended up in the hospital stories. and dirty genitals stories.

*May is National Masturbation Month
Nina Hartley

8 Myths about sex

No hymen = not a virgin. False.
Men are more visually stimulated then women. Not true.
Only women can have multiple orgasms. Men CAN but they have to train themselves to delay the deed.
Being uncircumsized is less hygenic.
A woman must be in love in order to orgasm. They need a symetrical man... lol
Men don't have sensitive nipples.
A woman must have an orgasm in order to conceive.
A guy's junk is sensitive so handle with care. Not true, it's actually pretty resiliant.

Retards in the News:
>Blaring Mariah Carrie music. Totally missed this part :( VIP Calls.

Music & Entertainment:
>Racontours is going to the Treasure Island music festival thing. I'm glad I'm not getting paid for the blog. This blog gets and F for today. Me so sorry. :(

Katie True of False:
*Is Republican and hates whiney Liberals - True
*You think you're hotter than most girls - False
*Stolen something - True! blinking SpongeBob doodad.
*Something in your sexual past you're ashamed of - True
*Has blamed someone else for your fart - True
*You want to have sex with Greg Gory - Which leads into Woody grilling Katie, then Vanessa about the final question.

Grade Today's Show: 69.7% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Grandmother of 8 makes a hole in 1."

Bring it!

2008-05-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

Busy day, lots of phones. No breakfast. Slow morning, everyone seems to have had difficulty waking up today. Woody even slept in... but was not late. Neither was I. Joyful times, all.

Today's Intern: Jeremy

Covering some emails and updates. Phones already off the hook. What's up with that? I'd check it out at justin.tv hooray!

We played Beck's new song, 'Chemtrails.' Caller isn't a fan of the song, neither is the majority of the show. Hey, we love Beck, this is just new and out there. The 415 texts in berating us for not being open minded and immediate die hard fans of the tune. Sorry.

Emails:
>Update on Kevin's status (nude photos of his ex online): she called the cops on him and he missed Woody reading his original email because he was in JAIL. We think he should turn around and sue her for wasting his time and money.
>MEOW!![content deleted] Cue callers and topic spiraling out of control. Holy hell breaks loose. Sweet.
>Sean Grey: RE: the paper bag vs no-plastic bags in SF.
>Paul: you guys are idiots. You have a large influence on youth in the Bay Area. This is a bad influence! Go to http://www.treehugger.com/ and search the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.
>The Brandy Saga continues! From "Brandy Lawyer" brandyslawyer@gmail.com in ALL CAPS. Priceless hilarity ensues.

Seattle Matt falls asleep! This is actually adorable, it reminds me of the YouTubes of cute puppies falling asleep standing up, etc. Oh and kitties. And monkeys.

News & Sports:
>Campaign news!
>Edward Kennedy (Ted, yes Tony, Ted is short of Ed) has a severe case of brain cancer. Caller informs us that this strain is more of a death sentence than just simple removable cancer.
>People are stealing grease... for their biodiesel cars.
>Ppl who like to impersonate cops.... Official Booby Inspector is not what your fake badge should read if you're trying to be "official." Uh, duh.

>Giants scored a couple in the 9th.
>Celtics did something.

Who knew?
*Abortion issue coming to a head in Britain. 5900 abortions in the UK. Is not an alternative to contraceptives.
*Sorry guys, this VIP pass is eating up a lot of my "pay-attention" abilities.

Music & Entertainment:
>Chili Peppers is disbanded at the moment...
>Marching with My Chemical Romance. Yuck.
>Courtney Love - has NOT scrapped her solo album. She's been working on it for the past three years.

If you transpose our "800" number and instead dial 1-800-LIVE-478 you will reach a phone sex line.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Ugh. I'm not even recording this report! Simpson family update *barf*
>Coco and Ice-T talk about the parenting life... bah. Missed a lot of dad.

Celebrity Birthdays:
~ Ricky Williams - Mr. T - Al Franken ~
Porno Birthday:
Brianna Banks! ("Ooooohhhhh," from Tony. Looks like he is familiar...)

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters. Tech Time!
Menace: Where the heck is my Wii Fit??
You can email him!! Check it: steve@gottgame.com

Grade Today's Show: ?% A

Today's Just the Headline: "phones!"

In the words of Bono, it's a beautiful morning.

2008-05-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

Have a happy U2 day! I've been up since 1:30 in and out of the ER. Fun stuff folks. Be jealous.

Today's Intern: Sarah Bear (Happy Birthday this Sunday. We're so proud!)

Sperm donor story - apparently a sperm donor paternal father stalked his biological son. Which is illegal. Segway into the adoption and single mom discussion. Apparently someone has an adopted half brother who's a teenage and still doesn't officially know it. Wild.
[killsometime.com - shark attack]

News & Sports:
>Primary update. Look it up on CNN or something. I think if you cared, you'd already know.
>Child porn law = cracking down.
>Landscapers using a woodchipper that purees wood. A 20 year old guy was hanging around them while they chipped wood. The landscapers tell him to be careful and stand back from the death machine. A few minutes later, the young man comes sprinting towards the wood chipper and dives head first just as the landscaper turns the machine off. Of course he survived but with sufficient injuries to his chest, arms, and shoulders.

>Giants and A's = had a tough night.
>NHL Stanley Cup Finals: Pittsburg Penguins v Detroit?
>NBA
>Spurrs beat the Hornets
>Charles Barkley - is not going to be gambling for a while. He says he needs to stop. To Greg's dismay.

Happy Happy Story!
Treasure Island: researchers were going to go up the Bay Bridge to rescue baby falcons and bring them to a safe place in order for them to fly later. Awwww when they got up there, they discovered that the baby falcons were dead for the past 2 weeks.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
White Menace Theatre: Animal House
Winner won: Woody Show Prize Pack

Pointless Listener Poll:
What's the weirdest thing you've ever found.

Woody Show
Naked women on his lawn making out
American Express gift card for $100
Dead body in Lake Michigan
Cop's wallet
Chick to bang me
Diamond ring
$800 floating in a plastic bag in Folsom Lake
Dookie covered gold chain in a urinal
Bag of talcum powder - mistaken for coke
Unexploded artillary shells
Box of Porn
Bag of perscription medication

Music & Entertainment:
>Oh, lovely. Something about Foxboro Hot Tubs.
>Indiana Jones out this Friday.
>Many calls for the VIP Passes, yo.

Google: "the chalker chronicles" Blog & scroll down!

Camping stories ~ hooray. Please, no one invite me to go camping. My love of poo goes hand in hand with a nice Western porcelain toilet with running water.

6 Most commonly misquoted facts:

Christmas causes suicide - actually Christmas time just increases stress and depression
You only use 10% of your brain. Load of horse manure.
Accidentally 8 spiders while sleeping a year. What animal walks into the mouth-cave of a predator? LMAO the article put this brilliantly.
Spousal abuse increases during Super Bowl Sunday.
You must wait 30 minutes after you eat before you go swiming.
Men think about sex every 7 seconds. 30% of men don't think about sex during the day at all.

Crap on Celebs:
>Nothing too exciting. I missed at least half an hour of the show cuz the VIP Passes took up A LOT, a lot, of Nessie's time...
>How does John Mayor do it? Gorilla face pulls some of the higher hotties from Tinsle Town (Who calls it that? Tinsletown.)

Grade Today's Show: x% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin." Thanks for the correction! So Seal as in the singer?

Someone tell me why I even keep this blog up?

2008-05-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

No one reads this! I hate you guys. Not really, but I need comments. Anything. A dot or dash every once in a while to let me know that you ppl bother. Thanks. Join the Woody Show Fan Forum.

Today's Intern: Tucan Sam

THE WOODY SHOW COMIN AT CANCER BFD PASS: Get your Comin at Cancer BFD pass - brought to you by the xD. Listen to the Woody Show all week to find out how you can support the Lymphoma Research Foundation and snag 2 BFD, Deviant Den, Smoke Out (BBQ) with Cypress Hill @ BFD, Front of Line for Autographs, a Got Wood T-shirt. $250 per pair - Credit Cards will be ran by the Lymphoma Research Foundation not by Live 105.

Normal person, "Do you have some/any scissors?"
St. Louis person/my Japanese father, "Do you have a scissors?"
Woody claims it is retarded. Most of us agree.

Weird things from Woody's weekend:
#1 Beth cut herself badly with a scissors and wound up in the emergency room. Yikes.
#2 Did she get a stitches? No, they glued it. Hooray derma bond!

Emails
*AIS - isn't giving Menace his credit appropriately. They've listed Live 105 as 103.5 and another station under 105.3 (perhaps it's the Mikey Show).
*Gay Marriage topic. My hungry mind wanders in and out.
*Friday Song of the Week - Menace's magical wins... Jackie proposes to Menace an anonymous song submission instead of having names attached to the song. Ah, yes. reppin' the bay.

News & Sports:
>Uh, something about a young girl that has started her period really early. A moronic teacher... I was on the phone with ppl who thought the VIP passes are free. Please note that they ARE NOT free. A 5th grade teacher called in to inform us that 5 girls in her class already started their period and at her school three 2nd graders started as well. Genetically altered food, chemically pumped ingrediants, and parabins/hormones in daily products.
>Cell phone use - pregnant woman who use their cell phone 2/3 times a day increase their risk of a Hpyer active ADD monster child. I wish I could thank my mom, but cell phones weren't invented yet. Or were really expensive.
>Bear Attack story that RULEZ!
>Olympic Try Outs: a least expected contender. Parapalegic wants to run. He has special boingy legs, is that considered a cheat?
>A Woman is sexually violated - oh boy.

>Celtics are moving on.
>Flyers are going home.
>Big Brown continues to rule.
>Eight Belles had no steroids in her system.

In China - a construction truck filled with glue turned over, spilled on the road. Fire fighter attempted to dilute the glue but the solution was so sticky that brooms, tools, and ppl slid and stuck into the glue and were caught for quite a while until they were freed. By the hand of God.

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)
Read my mind! (Tony's Mind - Kevin Spacey Movie) Superman Returns!
Winner won: Woody Show Care Package

Well, that's just not right
A DJ in Philly - Kidd Chris, worshipper of Howard Stern, got fired for running a song called 'Shwoogies' by Lady Gash to the tune of Blondie's 'Call Me' based on racial grounds. Wow, so "shwoogies" is a racist term for Black people, commonly used on the East Coast. Apparently he's been playing it since mid-March. Who does this?

Music & Entertainment:
>Prince Caspian had a great weekend: Dominated Box office
>Coldplay was not speaking for a while... Chris Martin says the members of the band weren't really speaking until they stepped into the studio to re-record after 2 years of promoting
>Offspring to reissue 2 earlier albums: 1992's Ignition and 1994's Smash. These are coming out with the new album, Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace on June 17 of this year.
>Death Cab for Cutie - I typed them into Google followed by "news" and this is what came up... I make my own reports at times.
>Mike Tyson documentary... what?

Douche bag of the day
5'3" construction worker beat his live-in gf. she made him dinner when he wasn't hungry. 42 year old left and continued to drink and go out to eat fried chicken with his friends. When he returned to his home near Disneyland he proceeded rape and molest his GF's mute daughter. He was fortunately caught red handed by the girl's uncle. He won 10 years in a California state prison. Apparently he has a family in Mexico and other counts of this behavior on his record south of the border.

Uh. New Kids on the Block. Yup, the rise and fall of boy bands, mands. Bleh.

Crap on Celebrities
>Ashlee Simpson is 4 months pregnangt and married.
>Bouncy (aka Beyonce) might be pregnant. Whatever. She sucks.
>Britney Spears is vacationing with Mel Gibson. Whaaa~?

Celebritiy Birthdays
Uh, bunch of nobodies. But hey! Sarah, Woody Show webcam mistress, turns 5 today! You go girl. Seriously though she is 19! Celebrate ^_^

Grade Today's Show: 58% A

Today's Just the Headline: "*clap*"

Porn pr0n porn!

2008-05-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

Nothing here to see... I'm a Happy GIRL today!

Today's Intern: Miss Andrea

Christian group is making a stink about Starbucks revival of an original logo where a topless mermaid with a double tail resembles a naked woman with her legs spread. They are promoting a boycott of Starbucks, AKA Slutbucks.

Turlock, found a bazooka behind a Jack in the Box.

Icelandic Phallological Museum: 261 types of the male member. They have the largest specimen belongs to a sperm whale on display.

BME penal index / rasputin's penis debate over whether it was a horse's or his actual penis...

Guess the State (1 winner)

Pennsylvania!!

Story: 39 year old man was at a bar, time to go home, too drunk to drive, had his 9 yo son drive him home. they took off. noticed the car swerving, kid @ wheel. boy clarified that he's 9 and a HALF. Rodney behaved like a drunken jerk.

Winner won: Indiana Jones Tix

News & Sports:

>Supreme Court ruled same sex couples CAN get married in the state of California. To Woody's chagrin and not in a homophobic way, but because that means more weddings for him to attend. YAY!

>John McCain - 2013 America CAN win the war. It's not a time table, it's a victory.

>Office worker in the UK claimed to be bullied, awarded $10,000 after her boss lifted his left butt cheek and "farted in his general direction." Her team of all male sales staff even threw a beach ball at her head.

>Mom that set up a fake myspace acct then ended with a student hanging herself.

>Someone did not want to go to work? 20 years for lighting something on fire in the bathroom in flight?

>Eeeeeew! A 9 year old Greek girl recently reported stomach pains. Doctors discovered her embryonic twin was inside of her stomach. WOW. She grew around her twin. Her two inch twin had hair, no brain, and other developed body parts.

>Giants - things were looking great. Then the wheels came off. Fail.

*I have acid reflex right now. Yuck.*

>Penguins are generous franchize: lol because they LET the Flyer's win last night.

>Kentucky Derby - Big Brown

>Eight Belles official autopsy showed she had no diseases and no bones abnormalities. Some people have suspected her owner of steroid abuse.

Happy happy story!

New Jersey - 14 year old mother was charged with murder after she gave birth to a baby in a fair grounds toilet, hid the baby in the tank during a Cnco de Mayo fest. She managed to keep the pregnancy a secret but someone narced her out when reports of the baby's discovery made the news.

Who Knew?

*Shark Attacks - according to (Woody) last year there were zero deaths due to shark attacks last year, 2007. Ravey and I challenged that, and she found one report of a death from shark attack off the coast of South Africa.

*Survey: 98% of women have been hollered at. 1/3 women are hit-on on a regular basis as reported on CNN.

*There has been an increase in breast reduction surgeries

*The difference between men and women in wet dreams: women dream more often about celebrities and exboyfriends. 41% of women have wet dreams a week. 3% of men say they have had a true "wet" dream while 4% of women say they have actually had dreams that resulted in a climax. Who knew?

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)

Tony goes with C, but that's just [me] him.

Winner won: Indiana Jones Tix

Music & Entertainment Report:

>Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Read all of those. I'm kinda stoked. Whatever.

>May 11 show - Radiohead got stuck in a monsoon and missed their show in Bristol.

>Death Cab for Cutie: playing xBox Live @ 4:30. Message: gwfdcfcnick & gwfdcfcjason.

Pointless Listener Poll:

Not all stereo types are true... HEY! Stereotypes are observational humor.

White ppl let their dogs lick them in the mouth
Black men loving white women
Asian people have trouble driving
Brothers are lazy
White people can't dance
Mexicans like to decorate their car
Old people cannot drive! Suck at driving...
The effeminate lisp of gay men
On a side note... Tinkerbell sticker on your car = fat chick. Hurley sticker on your car = hot chick. Mexican and Middle Eastern drivers hang CDs from their rear view.

Well, that's Just Not Right...
*Fire drill at a High School, one student while classes were gathering on the lawn outside, someone came behind the 11th grader and lit his turban on fire. Who does that?! That's just not right.

Free Porn Friday!
We have some serious goodies this week... "Crack whore confessions vol 1," "Twisted as F," "Ass Jazz Vol 5,"' and "Glory hole." Woody and Tony report that Shane's World is the best porno out there... I'll be looking into that.
Place your bets everybody! Menace goes to the corner for the DROP. Woody made the bag shorter than it was last time. Guy in gray shirt did the pick up in 3:52 minutes.

Danny 1:39 minutes
Jason 8:00 minutes - winner
Ian 2:47 minutes
Nick 2:00 minutes

Jan Wahl & The Movie Review. Hat Time!
*Prince Caspian was non-stop battle. Harry Potter meets Lord of the Rings. Not as wonderful as the first one...
*3/4 hats for the Colonial Movie... pfft. I missed it.
*Woody convinces Jan to do a porn movie review with Jimmy Hats as her scale of review.
*Fantasy Movies...
*Batman 6/18 comes out! I LOVE BATMAN!!!! omg.

Crap on Celebrities: Break ups!
>Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are getting married! Sweet,I love them both.
>Shaniah Twain is splitting up with her hubby.
>Jodi foster and her partner are also breaking up.
>Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are broken up...

Celebrity Birthdays
~ NIN Trent Resner - Sugar Ray Leonard - Bob Saggat - Jack Johnson - Tina Fey - Jamie Lynn Sigler - Emmit Smith - Dan Patrick ~
Porno Birthday
Ava Angelina 23 half cuban half chinese. Over 250 movies!

Official Woody Weekly Friday Song:
4.8% Ravey's Song - Fear Factory "Cars"
37.6% Menace's Song - E40 "Tell Me When to Go"
16.7% Greg's Song - Rush "Tom Sawyer"
15.3% Tony's Song - Muppets "Movin' right along" by Kermie
29.5% Woody's Song - Afro Man "Becuz I got High"
Defending Champion!

Grade Today's Show: % A

I love my job. (Really. I do.)

2008-05-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

Okay. We're here. In your ear.

Today's Intern: Katie from the 510

Cab driver discussion.
Revival of the Brandi story...

That's just not right.
Curious George is being dragged into the campaign. Someone in Georgia is selling T-shirts with an image of Curious George eating a banana and underneath print reads "Obama in '08."

Emails
*Naked Chick Pictures as revenge? It's a federal crime to post photos of another person w/o consent, especially if the photos are of the person nude.
*Prison comparisons... from yesterday's

News & Sports:
>7 year old punk kid strikes again! The little brat that took his grandmother's SUV for a joy rode in Florida raises hell at a mall. Monday took his bad boy image to a new level. His grandmother and he were shopping at the mall when he asked her for some chicken wings. When she declined him, he walked over to the counter and ordered them anyway. After she approached him and attempted to cancel the order and intervene, he started hitting his gramma as hard as he could wherever he could reach.
>Supreme Court to legalize same sex marriage? Decision is being made today. Massachusetts is currently the only state that allows it.
>Canada airport experiences Home Alone scenario - A family moved from the Philipines to Canada. The family only discovered he was missing while inflight when they received a call from the boarding gate back in Vancouver. He was 21 months old.
>Elliot Spitzer is blaming NYC's water supply for his desire to spend money on prostitutes. He was quoted using the term, "Flesh pots." Poll vaulting chick, Allison Stokke, at UC Berk, okay she is HOT!
>Smarte Car got the highest rating in safety. It's super small and looks crushable!

>A's lost again.
>Wing's first loss in 9 games, Dallas took the game because of a "home team call."
>Pennsylvania Senator doesn't want Spygate to die.

Sexy Time Fun Facts
Ass Man or Boob Man. Women, what's the first thing you look at physically?

AOL Survey: Do most moms really fantasize about other dads in the neighborhood?

23% of moms say their favorite way to get in the mood is watching porn
21% of mothers say they need to drink in order to engage in sexual relations
32% of moms say they have sex more than once a week but 77% say the want to have more sex
59% moms say they don't want to do the deed while the kids are home
69% of moms say they will have sex just to appease their husbands (omg I've done that sometimes. is that "rape?")
36% of wives say they they are just as attracted to their husbands as they were before kids
58% of moms say that they have fantasized about coworkers, delivery men, and other dads.
34% of moms admit to having an affair since having children. 53% say they have thought about having an affair. And 48% think their husbands have cheated on them.

Men's Health report: Wayne State University did a study where they researched women's physical reactions to porn.

17% women became aroused by tonguilingus
29% turned on by manual stimulation
38% were turned on by watching anal
42% were turned on my doggie style
63% became aroused when watching a woman perform oral on a man
Looks like more women get aroused when giving than receiving (Men's Health)

Something about whispering and gifts etc. Romantic stuffs. Weird. Women in high heels or thigh highs. Is that hot or not. Yeah, it's hot, but not necessarily as much a turn on as something else. Which leads to Aries busting through the door to put his 5 cents in.

Sexy Fun Time Poll - Ass or Boobs?? A or B...
76% voted ASS MEN!!
23% are boob dudes...
I'm not concerned, 'cuz I'm happily equipped with both. "Fluffing the cheeks" coined by Aries (at least first heard here by me) where you motorboat the ass cheeks. Sounds stinky and splendid.

Today's Guest - Aries Spears
Will be at the Improv in SJ tonight and this weekend.
62 S. Second Street
San Jose, CA 95113
408-280-7475
Check him out this weekend:
Thu 8pm - Fri 8pm / 10pm - Sat 7pm / 9pm - Sun 7pm

Aries gives us a taste of a Part II & sneak preview to his Mid-June YouTube-ness rap battle extraordinaire. It's NOT FAKE, to all you hater a-holes.

Music & Entertainment:
>Sublime on Rock Band whatever video game. Let's hear it for a sarcastic "YES!!"
>DAMMIT I MISSED MORE OF THE M&E REPORT.
>Super Bad Jonah Hill is in negotiations of 21 Jump Street... where Johnny made his debut appearance. Sweet.
>21st season of Real World will start airing early 2009. OH PLEASE! Just kill the show already.
>Nature boy... Slater. Ali Landry was cheated on by this guy. Who is it?

Guess the State (1 winner)
Florida!!
Story: Last Friday at mexican rest chef heard nois from grills exhaust pipes. Chefts and guests were surprised when a human leg emerged from underneath the range. the air duct he fell in while looking for his friend. He was trying to rob the pharmacy next door and got confused.
Winner won: Indiana Jones Tix

Chris and Johnny from Coldplay call in from London!
James coordinated the call with me. *Swoon* I love British accents! These guys are VERY cool, very humble. We have been playing Violent Hill on the station for a while now...
@ HP Pavillion: July 24 & 25!

Grade Today's Show: 85% A (i make this part up sometimes...)

Today's Just the Headline: "Lance Armstrong scheduled to attend two charity balls."

Well, then.

2008-05-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

Starbucks run. Got a freebie from the folks, cuz I said something for it taking a long time today. Granted the machine was shut down for the night. Hooray for first latte of the day!

Today's Intern: Jeremey

Emails
*Sergio - Morning Radio Sucked for him, and then the Woody Show came along. Thanks for keeping him awake. Anytime. firememusic @ Myspace.

*Vice - Indian Accent Segment. Calling the author of the email about hating the accent as "bitch." More accent-imitating defence. Brilliant.

*Boston Brian - Ravey's lover, aka Baseball game buddy. OMG more Indian accent crap. More intelligently put. Bravo Brian.

*Denise - Sarah's Question, no! Don't tell the cheating bachelorette's fiance's groom that the bride cheated... whatever. I don't liket his gray-area double-standard BS. Just don't cheat!

CUDDLE PARTIES - Newest fad at adult clubs...

This is a structured, safe way to meet people. No drugs, alcohol, sex, or nudity. OMG do NOT sign me up. Fail.

What we learn from Callers:

*NYC - mostly gay guys going to snuggle up to their best buds that are possibly straight?

*Walnut Creek - most attendees pop ecstacy, rub lotion on each other, the new age rave... nice. Doesn't it say "no drugs?" Excellent.

News & Sports:

>Clinton wins big in West Virginia... Might not mean much.

>Teens = loserville. New at-home drug trent - "Robotrippin'." DXM in cough syrup allows kids to hallucinate. It's free!

>Teens aren't all that happy - depression... Caller lets us know that it's because they don't work out that kids get depressed.

>28 year old lesbian eating dinner w/ her partner and goes to the restroom. Bouncer stops her from entering the ladie's room, "Sir, men aren't allowed in the women's restroom." She won $35,000 bucks suit. Don't be too quick to judge!

>What about hurting the baby? New Zealand... something. Long phone call. KEEP IT SHORT PPL, or I'm gonna get rude to keep you in check. Just keepin' it real.

>Money making scheme - pimped out a 12 year old daughter as a dominatrix. The mother and her BF made the girl watch porn and practice techniques. They made $80,000 off this girl, who is now 20 years old, the investigation took 2 years. Way to go.

>London convict escaped jail and came back because he'd rather live life inside than outside. They have 3 meals a day with a choice of menu, no locked cells, television, gym, pool table, and other fun things. Nice and luxurious. Life's easier in an English prison it sounds like.

>Barry Bonds: indictment. Attorney claims he is not guilty. He'd be going to a white collar cushy prison.

>A's score 12 runs or nothing at all. Last night they scored NOTHING.

>Philly Flyers are one game away from being bounced out.

>Pittsburg Penguins are kickin' butt!

>Spygate Saga is coming to a close.

>Boston Harold published and apology to the ... something.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Dyslexic TV Themes

Winner won: Foxboro Hot Tubs Tix

*Emeryville Apple Store - Menace's friend AZN Ben. Go say hi and bother him. In a nice way.

Oh, look. Traffic and Weather. I NEVER feature this... xo

Music & Entertainment:

>Who was in jail from 8:55 am to 6:45 pm of the same day? Scott Weilan is a FREE MAN!

>Weezer - moved their June 3rd Red Album release date up by three weeks. Sweet.

>Chester Bennington - workin on an album, that's basically done. He's waiting for the perfect time to present it.

>Spring collection: Vaselle - Nordstrom

>Prime Time Tv released their Fall Season schedule. W00t. Tony RIIIIIIPS throughout the segment.

>Harrison Ford: Putting on his original Indiana Jones costume... hadn't worn it in 18 years. LOL!

Follow Ups

Micheal Moore is preparing for more Farenheit 9/11 something something. To Greg's pure bliss. Greg calls Moore a 'hypocrite.'
Sue Simmons (the bumper VO: "What the F- are you doing?!") from yesterday's Technical Difficulties segment. Audience and censors retort, what was she thinking? Hey, she apologized and thought that the VO was recorded and NOT live, which it was.
Someone 413 lb prisoner is trying to sue his (lost 105 lbs in jail) jail for "starving him." Got caught giving away his food to make his claim. Now it's ALL garbage. This fool is crazy! The jail claims to feed their inmates 3000 calories a day.

Sex and Scandal

*Email of the author's friend who was dating someone who cheated on him with a married cop. The story is ridiculous. Cripes. Thanks Frank. He's not sure if he should tell his buddy. Menace chimes in that it doesn't make any difference. They're already broken up.

*BillyBob Thornton's 14 yo son: Willy Thornton is dating a 22 year old woman. TMZ website -

*Client #9 Mark Spitzer

*Ashlee Dupree - Kristin (WTF? phones.)

*Kwame Kilpatrick - charismatic Black mayor of Detroit, married with at least three chilren is accused of being involved in an affair with married Christine Beatty. He is dubbed the "Hip Hop Mayor." Transcript of his text messages with Beatty read awkwardly by a news anchor. Creepy delivery in a news-like tone makes my skin crawl... *shudder*

Happy happy story! :D

Did I miss this? "Have you heard about this?" [lolz - Jimmy of SoPark]

Guess the State (1 winner)

Wisconsin!!

Getting hammered BF and GF. the BF bet $1 his GF wouldn't shoot her 8 year old daughter. The mother took aim her daughter's leg and shot a BB gun! for a DOLLAR. What the heck? Grow up people.

Winner won: Foxoboro Hot Tubs Tix

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters - *Nerdtastic*

You can also ask Steve questions by emailing him: steve@gottgame.com
Metal Gear: hits street June 20th? Gonna go fast!!
GTA IV - can you customize your car? Steve doesn't think so...
UFC games for ... THQ what?

Grade Today's Show: 75% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Homeless food service serves hundreds, grosses millions."

Earth Quake Milk Shake

2008-05-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Breakfast Tuesday morning: egg roll of CPK. Krispy Kreme. VitaminWater.

Today's Intern: Sarah, Provider of Krispy Kreme, Daughter of Donuts.

Earthquake chat takes us down memory lane to the '89 earthquake and reminds Woody of the 9/11 fiasco. And so it's just disaster talk. Yay. I'm in Lala Land putzing around. Don't mind me. I'm just happy.

Emails!

Boobs: Weird email from Amber. Amber's outside smoking a cigarette when another woman comes up to her and asks her to show her her boobs. The woman proceeds to throw the burrito she's holding and SUCKER PUNCH Amber's BFF, who is also outside... The men of WTR want to see Amber's boobs. Hip hip, hooray!
I'm a fan, but... I love the show, but STOPPIT with the droning on and on about ratings and FIX your signal to improve ratings! (It is what it is.)
Jamie Clay - Website: 2 million dollar baby. 19 year olds are pregnant. Don't let us abort the baby. $20.61. Adoption is not an option. WHAT'S THE WEBSITE?
My friend was reeeeeeally drunk... Vegas Bachelorette party with male strippers, the whole shebang. Turns out the bachelorette cheated on her fiance. Should the friend (emailing) tell the bachelorette's fiance? Or not? Woody brings up how it's such a double standard for women at the bachelorette stage: "your last hoorah" vs "F him for cheating on YOU." We discover that Tony is a bit jealous of Beth's ex (and former boss?) and Beth is jealous of Tony's ex. Caller brings up how he wonders where this friend was while the Bachelorette was cheating instead of blowing the whist after the fact?

Pointless Listener Poll:
Would you like your friend to tell you that your fiance cheated on you? 85.2% Yes
(Does your significant other still own something from a previous relationship? What is it and why do they still have it?) I think it would suck if someone answered "an STD."

News & Sports:

>China's Deathtoll - raised to 12,500 people. Biggest quake since 1976 with 240,000 dead, biggest modern quake recorded.

>Temperatures in the Bay Area are rising! YAY Summer time is around the corner. 90 in the city. Go to the beach :)

>Who's happier, old or young people? We may never know...

>Be Part of Change, Don't Give Change! Looks like Ravey is an enabler.

>Flight attendent gave up her seat for a passenger, she became uncomfortable, the piot then directs the passenger to hang out in the restroom. Suffered humiliation and terror and is suing Jet Blue.

>Turn your phone off when you fly. This jack-hole was arrested for refusing to get off his cell phone for the duration of a flight. Airlines can get fined $25,000 (maybe that is incorrect figure) for even allowing a cell phone to be on while in air.

>Porn industry experiencing dip in sales, which is rare... It's cuz the internet is FREE! Hustler owns casinos (to mine and Tony's surprise).

>Sharks - Ron Wilson former coach was fired. 206 wins.

>Zeto pitched for the Giants: didn't win, didn't lose. Blah.
>A's were off last night. In Cleveland.

>NBA Playoffs: good to be the home team!

>Matt Walsh in the news: talk about spy gate. Lalalala.

>ESPN put out their first power rankings. W00t. 49'ers placed at #27. Patriots, colts, cowbows, chargers, something something. Look it up.

DumbAss Contest(0 winners)

Where do they hang?

Winner won: NOTHING!

Music & Entertainment:

>Narrow Stairs by Death Cab for Cutie - on David Letterman tonight
>New DVD's released... whatever. Go to Netflix or Blockbuster, something.

>Scott Weiland checked into jail today (?). It's ain 8 day sentence. Has a concert scheduled on Saturday, so Ravey highly doubts that he will serve all 8 days.

>Season 3 for Heros is going to be a 3 hour event

>Bad news for WB RE:speed racer which fell into 3rd place behind 'What Happens in Vegas.'

>Bringing the FRAGGLES to the big screen!

>Ryan Ross of Panic at the Disco... not really freaking out about the "poor" sales of their newest album.

Something about a woman who died or fell over board on a cruise... What? They didn't find her body.

Menace goes to an old timey gas station. It was "messed up." Guess they are charging the same prices in the system but for Half Gallons. Whatever.

Woody's Temper!

Last week, Woody lost it over some of the "technical difficulties" he experienced in the studio. Here are some clips of other professionals in the industry who lose it on air or in front of the camera:

Bill O'Reily - "play out." Lol. Sting. Trips him up. Check out the video. LOL. Awesome.
"What the F are you doing?" - news anchor doing a Voice Over clip
"Don't interrupt me, I don't do your job. You are not the anchor."
Going at it, two reports bickering into their mics right before they go live on the news!
More anchors fighting: Good Day New York, Fox: tenant vs the in-field reporter vs the landlord vs the in studio reporter. "Do I need to teach you how to be a retporter?"

Crap on Celebrities
*Lohan keeps getting replaced. Ye Olde Times w/ Jack Black told E! that they had their differences
*The Governernator placed it on her list, that strippers would like to date.
*TO makes his official television debut on My Network Tv's 'Under One Roof' as long lost brother KRON of Flavor Flave. Wednesday at 8pm.
*Nick Cannon and Mariah Carrie raked in $2,000,000 for their wedding photos.
*Ashlee Simpson asked Jessica to be her maid of honor.
*Cynthia Nixon is a lesbian now, and wants to get married. When she was straight she didn't want to get married... Yay.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Turns into Text to be Number 1,053 to win tickets to Indinana Jones! May 20, 2008.

Celebrity Birthdays
~ Steve colbert - Dennis Rodman - Stevie Wonder - Bea Arthur - Magic Dick is 63 ~
Porno Birthdays
Which one is the 'porno birthday' - Jerry Butler or Magic Dick?
Jerry Butler featured in 518 films

Grade Today's Show: 71.1% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Die hard knitters prepare for sock battle."

Grumpy Woody Monday

2008-05-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hola. I have nothing exciting to write about. Chelsea Handler was fun(ny). Mother's day was a bust, I was supposed to serve at the restaurant and make monay, but - I didn't. Mom's in Hawaii.

Today's Intern: WebCam Sam

SF Giants game is this Thursday during the day and not in the evening as we had assumed... So WTR will not make it. Booooo. I'm somewhat relieved, no one ripping on me for my fiesta behavior...
T-man Rip:
Isn't Tman just a copy cat of the Greaseman?? Just type in "greaseman" into Google. Goog it. Oh, and a caller advises us of LA's Tom Leykis. Groovey.

Emails:

*Misha's husband, Franz, often quotes WTR for being life experts... Lol. Awesome.

*Mimi: May 8th - the mess that women make... Attends a woman's college and the bathrooms there disgust her. Cripes. At UC Santa Cruz she was surprised at how much cleaner the coed bathrooms are compared to her all girls restroom.

*Ben: Stickers that say "Take it Back in '08" he had 100 made. LOL. Menace is supposed to be 'all over it.' Tony asks Menace how the Takin' it Back website is coming along. Hahahaha.

*Dave: outsourcing the Woody Show response to Rochelle who was super offended. Clever clever...

News & Sports:

>More Clinton v Obama news. Fart. Delagate and Super Delagate discussion/debate.

>Jenna Boosh got married 30 yo henry hager performed by a minister from huston and supports Obama.

>Nick Hogan is in jail, 8 months for reckless driving. Cripes. 5 seems to be the lucky number in his sentence.

>Teenaged girl from Rhonert Park is recovering from consuming a lethal consumption of alcohol. BAC 0.578 which is 7 times the thing for driving under the influence.

>Subway Sanwich with a bolt inside the bread what?

>"Legally" blind person bowls a perfect game. Not really blind-blind. Meh.

>Huge earth quake in China - earthquake of 7.8 magnitude kills 7600 people. Serious earthquake

>Giants game ends in Fight - Fight ends with Death... 18 year old fan got into an argument and after anthony Gerrado another 18 yo pushed him and beat him up and died from injuries from taylor buckly was arrested.

>Someone had their 18th kid!

>Giants took 2 of 3.

>Astro's are in town for a 4-game series.

>A's salvage one... numbers numbers.

>NBA - series Lakers and Jazz. Something about the Spurrs. Sports Fans, don't hate me.

>NHL conference finals.

>College athlete: ESPN latest star athlete what? Name is OJ Mayo. HA!

Dumbass Contest (2 weiners)

Are they older than Gory? Jennifer Lopez is!

Winners won: Indiana Jones Tix

Monday Guests: Siskel & Negro

*Check out their myspace. Yeah, I'm nice. I linked it on here.

*Discussion of putting a price tag on being a stay at home mom. There's lots of discrepancy on how to put an exact figure on what they do and how much they'd make... Ugh. (Parenting topic - you know how much I looooooove this category.)

*The modern woman is nothing like the old school woman in terms of motherhood. Mothers now treat their children more like a burden or try so hard to be a young, hip, cool parent. What happened?

*Siskel & Negro are going to be at the Punchline tonight. Check it out!! Go see them, I highly urge people to go to comedy gigs. Cuz it's my solution to hating concerts. :P Nato Green's Iron Comic...

*Iron Comic with Brent Weinbach, Monday 5/12/08
Punch Line Comedy Club

Doors: 7:00 pm Show: 8:00 pm

444 Battery Street

San Francisco, CA 94111

415.397.4337

Music & Entertainment:

>Iron Man continues to dominate the Box Office...

>What comes in a coffin? Day of the Dead Masks... Deluxe version? Cripes. Some band...

>Beverly Hills 90210 show revival thing... Bah. Jenny Garth is bringing Kelly Taylor back.

>Returning to Comedy Central - the Gong Show!! With Dave Attell. Sweet.

>Grumpy Tom Yorke... Boo! He's unhappy with Radiohead's Greatest Hits release by a label somewhere. Or something. Grump-a-frump.

Crap on Celebrities:

*Gray's Anatomy the dude from the show that left or whatever over the racism is upset because they showed him on a clip/preview of a show. Get over yourself. Sensitive people make me want to kill them.

*RKelly is getting prosecuted for the child porn of 14 counts after a 6 year delay. Yuck!

*Someone had a loaded hand gun in his brief case. It wasn't registered. Was a retired cop. Meh.

*Lohan has been dropped from Manson Girls (movie). No other actresses wanted to work along side with her. Signed on for $5000 for the role, and still ended up being dropped. Pfffft!

*Hugh Hefner wants Mylie Cyrus to be featured in his magazine when she's legal. She's FIFTEEN, dude. I love Heff, but JEEZ! That's kinda freaky.

Celebritiy Birthdays

~ Jason Biggs - Tootie - Tony Hawk - Steve Baldwin - Steven Esteves - Geroge Carlin ~

Porn Birthday

Kaylie luv Cox May 12, 1987

Grade Today's Show: 70% A

Today's Just the Headline: "[tony sings]"

you get, NOTHING. no photo friday. enjoy.

2008-05-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

Menace makes it justin.time - GET it? K, totally lame. I have to poop RN, so ignore it.

Today's Intern: Andrea

Woody has a Jigaboo Jones clip for us... Lots of chances to win the Infineon Raceway tickets. Plus today we announce the Super Mega Winner (this, didn't happen...) Excellent. Marcy Milf and her trip to Urban Outfitters. What a bitch.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Florida!!
After four (4) DUIs an 8-month pregnant woman was pulled over for suspicion of driving under the influence at 22.
Winner won: Infineon Raceway

News & Sports:
>Joseph Fritzle in Austria - imprisoned his daughter to save her from the outside world. He says he is not the beast that he has been depicted as because he would bring her flowers and eat dinner with her every once in a while.
>San Francisco 12+ people injured in a 2006 hit and run. The man responsible is entering a 'not-guilty' plea by reason of insanity. He was involved in another hit and run in Fremont right before the major accident in SF. Callers recommend these ppl spend a time-out in NASA's bed study and then get launched into outter space. Another caller thinks the punishment should be more along the lines of Singapore's eye for an eye: you kill, you get killed. You steal, you lose your hands... A topic that spirals out of control.
>Hackers are under investigation for blasting flashing images that are triggering photo sensitive epilepsy... Odd.
>What? Three teenage kids in Texas go to a cemetary, dig up a body, take the head off, and proceed to smoke out of the skull. Grave from 1921. *shudder* They got caught initially for breaking into a car? Been charged with abuse. Getting some fines and probation. GROSS!
>Emo news. Ugh. Caller Joke: How many kids does it take to change a light bulb?
[none, you let them cry in the dark.]
>Cowardly lion - Someone attacks in court loses it. Dives out of a closed 3rd story window whilst handcuffed, lands on his head. Is alive in critical care.
>29 year old: Taj Shahal self made millionaire - birthday Martha's Soup Kitchen decorated it and had it catered and gave out goody bags. He's all about karma, the party cost him $8,000.

>Giants did not have a good day?
>A's are off in Texas.
>NBA - cavaleers, boston won easily, spurrs finally won first game
>NHL - stars did not put much of a fight up! (go flyers)
>Patriot Tapes, submitted by Matt Walsh. Taping defensive and offensive signals.
>Askmen.com Poll: the Pirates are the number one whatevers. Losers?

Hate Mail :)
*where is the hate mail?

Oooooo, the poor story teller and bad word user from Thursday's Sexy Time Fun Facts gets dumped. Again.
Rochelle writes in to cry about how Woody and the gang (lol "Gang") use an Indian accent for a JOKE. 3rd world country jokes galore. Yay Greg.

Jigaboo Jones (a YouTube sensation, that's not sweeping the nation) This clip has WOODY's voice on it, dude. Jiggaboo does instructional videos on how to Jack Fools! He's been Flagged on YouTube. LOL He's getting his own channel! Celebrate ~ this reminds me of BumFights... Ravey mentions Funny or Die website.

Who Friggin' Cares?!
Madonna's done it again... 49 year old singer locked lips with one of her female backup dancers in Paris. Headline reads, "Madonna kisses female backup dancer on stage." Yeah, who cares?

Dumbass Contest (1 winner)
Radio Rock/Paper/Scissor
Winner won: Infineon Raceway

Wheel of Topics
Bad News: Are you P-whipped? What's so wrong with being p-whipped.

She's controlling your life
She makes your decisions for you: pick your battles!
Combined emails?!!? Hell no. It's 2008! I have like 5 accounts.
You go home when she's ready
Your friends have been replaced with her friends (never let this happen!)
She's scheduled your life unbeknownst to you
You think about how she'll react more than reveal your true reaction
You friends don't even bother. It's Friday night, your friends know you're already committed to the V-ball/P-chain
You feel lucky when you gain permission
You're no longer funny, interesting, or desirable. She's changed you. Ugh.

Hot Chicks married to Less Attractive Men = better quality marriage vs Hot Men married to Less Attractive Chicks = disgruntled marriage...
Ugh the last name conversation. F hyphenating your last name. But it's ok if it's for the sake of your professional name. Or if you hate your last name sake's family. Take the dude's last name. or go away. PS: it's free to change your last name to your spouse's last name. It costs to change it on your own w/o getting married.

If you could get away with cheating, would you?
STATS: insert from show
People 18-29 are cheating or recently cheated... blah.

Music & Entertainment:
>Scott Bayo - New show on VH1 for 80's male teen idols. What happened to them? Well, they're living together now... I guess.
>SNL...
>Dave Grohl: Metallica fan letter he posted on their site. Awwwww. *I HEART TAYLOR HAWKINS*

Jan Wahl and Movie Review Time!
*What Happens in Vegas - Ashton Kutcher & Cameron Diaz: Mass of product placement... This movie makes Jan wanna HANG herself. Sounds HORRIBLE. They shriek their lines.... It gets ZERO HATS. You get NOTHING!
*Speed Racer - Christina Ricci = Trixie

Friday Listener Poll: What movie made you want to kill yourself??
>Shindler's List
>Spider Man, II, & III
>Brother's Grimm
>the Fog
>Joe vs the Volcano - City of Angels
>Jane Austin Book Club
>Dragon Wars

Crap on Celebrities:
>Catherine Heigl - uhhh, leaving TV for Hollywood?
>Chelsea Clinton and Jake Gyllenhal dated... woot! Bush's daughter, Jen, is getting married this weekend.

Celebrity Birthdays
the Hills Bitch - Rosario Dawson - Dephe Mode - John Corbit - Ally Mills - Billy Joel - Candice Burgen - Mike Wallace - Bono U2 - Keenan - Young MC - Chris Burman - Lewis Faracon (who ARE these ppl?)
Porno Birthday
Peter North AKA The North Pole - 1,680+ adult films KSEX, Poke-a-hot-ass (lol)

Official Woody Weekly Friday Song:
8.2% Ravey's Song - Wheatus 'Teenage Dirtbag' (memories of the Limo ride to SJ)
31.6% Menace's Song - Too Short 'Short But Funky' (Out of Oakland)
2.9% Greg's Song - Catherine Wheel (Happy Days)
30.5% Tony's Song - Metallica 'Sad But True' (Reppin' Marin County)
27% Woody's Song - Bon Jovi AGAIN (strategy)

Grade Today's Show: ?% A

Sexy Pinky Penis

2008-05-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

Brought in Dave a carrot cake in attempt to apologize for Monday. We shall see...

Today's Intern: The Lady Katie (carpool queen)

Apparently Menace smells good this morning, like he bathed in his Chanel Platinum... much to Ravey's early morning headache.

Jen throws out Woody's spices in le kitchen... Women & how we either clean like anal retentive crazies (throw everything away) or are really sloppy/messy. Bathroom territory, the bedroom, kitchen... How men want us to leave their stuff ALONE. Respect the junk drawer, let men throw their old junky crap away!

Gary Coleman: self proclaimed virgin? [LOLZ: Woody asked Gary if this one rumor is true, "When he goes to the beach, do cats try to cover him with sand?"] On divorce court, because his new wife freaked out when someone advised her of the exact date of the end of the world. REALLY?

News & Sports:

>Hilary held a news conference and vowed to stay in the race even if Obama kicked her butt recently. She says she's staying in the race until there is a certain nominee. The deciding factor is the 250 super delegates. I failed US History and Government.

>Hungover at work? 1/3 come to work hungover. 1/10 come to work still drunk! The stats for drinking and hungover performances on the job... Also it's MEDIA that is the industry with the most alchy

>NASA - bed rest study. $17,000 for staying 90 days straight 24-hours in bed. On your back.

>Libs or Conservatives... missed it.

>KGO Bernie Ward: changing his plea to 'Guilty' on his Child Porn charges... Claiming it's for a book. Uh, he's the host of the "God Talk" show in the city.

>Suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay: Military offc Abdula Al Adjmi was released from Guantanamo Bay strapped on a bomb and killed 7 innocent victims. So far there have been 36 detainies who have been released and turned out to be terrorists to continue to partici

>The Olympic Torch: a special Chinese team brought a special version of the Olympic Torch up to the top of Mt. Everest in attempts to change the image of China and Tibet. The torch is scheduled to arrive in Beijing on August 6th.

>Patriots!

>Tape of the Rams - may or may not exist

>Cedrik Benson's friends - was not boating while intoxicated.

Dumbass Contest (1 winner)

Crappy Showcase Showdown - 4 really stupid items that you can get at your favorite store at the mall. Gifts were from, surprise, Spencer's!

Winner won: Infineon Raceway AMA stuffs Kawasakis! (this video link is what I always think of when ppl mention Kawasakis)

Who knew?
*Hard imes = lipstick sales increase!
*Sadam's diary in prison reveals his concerns, focussing on avoiding contracting STDs and HIV.
*Ravey: have you ever wished that your deli meat had a little more personality... You can buy a log of deli meat that is colored to each slice reveals a smiling clown face... CREEPY. Gross....

Music & Entertainment:

>Fantastic 4?? What ~ people tying up my lines. Thanks.

Green Porn: Isabelle Rossellini is reenacting humans as insects mating. Whaaaaaa~?! Link should get your search started... I don't have better links right now!

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

Men's Health Article: stats... the longer a couple is together, the less they want to do it. In the average week, Americans spend 57 minutes having sex, wich is 15 minutes less than the global average.

What percentage of women don't have an orgasm: 39%

5 Signs she's faking it:

BAD ACTING ~ like a Hustler girl. over acting.
you don't feel the contractions
if she's not breathing heavily really, she's not feeling it
kissing and cuddling up to the last minute - she's faking. if it's for reals, she shouldn't have control of her every move
her skin is cool to the touch - caught red handed, cuz body temperature is uncontrolable

Worst sex stories!!

*Bad Breath

*Small penis

*Broken penis :(

*In the car

*Katie took Nyquil one night to get through her cold, woke up three hours later, took a shower, her BF heard and joined her... She faints and ralphs all over the place. Amen.

*Discussions of the PinkyWeiner anomoly (NOT an anomoly... but common enough for Katie, Ravey and myself to encounter once)

*Whipped cream curdling... yuck

Crap on Celebrities:

>Lohan ends up wearing a student's mink coat that went missing at a club but she got it back and it was ripped and stinky. Demanding Lohan pay for the rental of the coat. HA!

>Something about Seacrest and Larry King

>Gramma Sue Joe Hanson of Sex Talk show on O announces her retirement. As Woody put it, she's "hanging up her dildo."

>Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wence - ugh. Will they be getting married? May 16th... Who cares?

>Ryan Renolds & Scarlett Johansen are dating. w00t.

>Liv Tyler... photos!!

>Jenna Fisher and the chick who plays "Angela" on the Office had her baby.

>Dennis Rodman... booohooo. In rehab.

Celebrity Birthdays:

- George Cloony - Enrique Iglasias - Ronnie Lott - Alex Van Halen - Gary Glitter - Tony Blair - Tracy Lordes - Willy Mayes -

Porno Birthdays:

Andrea Britain: Ball and the Family, E3 the Extra Testicle

Sunny McKae: Eye Witness Nudes, Hump of the Volume

Grade Today's Show: 52.1% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Genetic engineering split scientists."

Back on the Grind

2008-05-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

Offspring's Dexter and Noodles will be here not today, but tomorrow. Via futuristic techno telecom device.

Today's Intern: Jeremy!!

Yay. Let's just glide right over the Cinco de Mayo recap. No need to go there.

eMails

*Support for a mother who's a breast cancer survivor. 60 mile walk. September '08. Team in traning. threeday.org

*WTR Love ~ Yay for Ravey, cuz she loves sports. Menace sounds like an angry Chinese cab driver. Greg, what's up with your hate? Tony, don't ever change!

*Complaints about how some parts of the Bay Area cannot receive Live105 on their dials but other stations come in loud and clear :(

News & Sports:

>There are 6 more states to go in the Barack/Clinton race.

>24 year old punched a camel at Six Flags. Security caught him, detained him, he escaped, and jumped in his friends car. They did catch up to him and now he faces charges.

>Bill Mayes is promoting to make it illegal to drive a car with the driver's pet sitting in their lap.

>[Story]

>Geek Squad customers: delete any bad photos on your computer or at least take it off the HD!!

>New Hampshire Story woman at a bar...

>[Story]

>Zito is pitching for the Giants today. Hasn't pitched since April 27... nice.

>[Sports]

>Labron James - what?

Dumbass Contest (x winners)

Arch Rivals

Winner won: Infineon Raceway Tickets

Happy happy story!

Something about a pony. Someone found a dead horse, hit a blind pony. :(

Ridiculous Lawsuits

99 cent text messages
someone got WASTED off one can of beer and is suing the company (& it's not me)
Chicago Bulls mascot, the High Five story: a dentist is suing Benny the Bull for ruptering his bicep after an Extreme Hai-five
Sue-easy is like match.com but for people who intend to sue companies for specific reasons with lawyers are matched with their cases.
Dog owners getting sued by the dog-injurers for being hit and wasting their time/money
Albertson's story - someone was shoplifting at Albertsons and made it through the door with the lifted goods (beer, diapers, milk), pushed a cart rapidly, tripped and flipped over the railing, and landed on his face and attempted to sue Albertsons. Nice going.
something about a cat. and suing for a leash. really?
RR engineer ~ is getting sued for 1.6 million. Someone ran through the rail road crossing with the RR arms down hit a rail road car and is suing the engineer, the train, the RR system EVERYONE for the damages made on his car. WTF?
Ambien sleep walking and running into things and cook meals and now are suing the company.
Stepmom: southern belle get hit three times by a train at the same crossing. 13 months. same car.

Music & Entertainment:

>Coldplay - Violent Hill was available for free to DL on their website, which ended up crashing the website and now you can't get it for free. Waaaaaaaaa.

>BECK new record and is working w/ Dangermouse.

>MTV Movie Awards: Juno, Tranformers, I Am Legend are among the nominees. I LOVE BUMBLEBEE!!!!

>Seth MacFarland (Family Guy, American Dad, and Cleveland spinoff) - $100 million.

Jobs, raises, money, etc. This makes me want to bring Dave cupcakes or something.
*Menace wants a raise. Here's a list of things he can do to ensure a bump in his salary:

Have a minum expectation for your position
Don't give out a base salary
Know your value - position of power, are you in high demand?
Range, let the company come up with an offer first before you start demanding figures
Emphasize how your skills will help
?
Be reasonable
Be prepared to be flexible

Callers recommend he threaten to quit. He cuddle with Dave. (What?!) Sell his soul. What does Menace make now? The salary discussion: younger people are discussing what they make to determine their social plans and strategize within their career. It's now illegal for companies to control employees from talking about their salaries, as it was once allowed.

My mom offers her help to Menace and his request for a raise. I guess Mom is Menaces's new agent pro bono? Whatever. That's great.

Salary.com - enter your zip code and it generates wages for specific jobs based on your area. Check it.

*Top paying jobs $20/$30 an hour jobs

$21,000 health educators
$22.20 / hour subway/street operators
respatory therapists $23/hour
curators $24/hr
multi media $27/hour
urban/regional planners $28/hr
loan officers $61,000
clergymen $20/hr
gas pumps $21
dieticians $23
editors $25
zoologists $26/hr
detective $29/hr
account exec $30/hr
commecial loan $30/hr
medic technologist $30/hr
accounts payable manager $31/hr
web customer support specialist $31/hr

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters: nerd. it. UP!

*Mario Cart Wii

*NBA - Chuck D

*GTA IV questions

Lots of calls :( I urge ppl to email Masters with your questions!

Grade Today's Show: 66.6% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Local man has longest horns in Texas!"

Oh, wow.

2008-05-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

Buenos dias. For those of you who made it, tuned in, etc. This is my apology for actin' a FOOL last night. Dropped an F bomb, apparently. Totally blacked out for the second half of the show. Obviously this little girl does not handle her liquor well. I was all excited to drink with the show, and tried to keep up, and actually got way ahead of myself. So. I guess that will be coming to a screeching halt. Every time I go out to drink, I make it look like it's my first time. No good.

Thanks for coming. I hope you had a blast. I have some new scrapes and bruises, but no hang over. I look forward to talking to all of you tomorrow morning. Bright and early.

xoxo.

PS: Check out twitter.com and pownce.com for Menace's Qik-clips of the events from last night. Not everything is up there, but it should give you an idea of what kind of craziness went on.

Cinco de Mayo '08

2008-05-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

Be sure to make your way to Tres Gringos in San Jose to drink with us in celebration of Mexico's freedom from France and the Mexican traitors. I know! It's not their independence from Spain or America. Check it. Margaritas for EVERYONE! Yay.
83 S 2nd StSan Jose

CA 95113

(408) 278-9888

Today's Intern: Webcam Sam

Weekend Recap ~ Exciting things we did this weekend. Nothing really. We are introduced to Ravey's Menace Sock-puppet, which is adorable and AWESOME! Woody describes his journey with Tony and why he A) is not a big fan of the building's security people and B) how he was scared by the sock puppet that Beth and Tony created.

eeeeeeeeMails

*Greg Gory ~ Helen of Brisbane, is plastered and wishes Greg was there.

*Oil Tanker ~ Rock 105.3 (sister station) you guys are "bitchin'" he's been out there for 3 months? Cripes.

*Tree house ~ feedback on Woody's confession of burning down the neighborhood's rich kid's tree house... Applauding the show for everyone opening up and revealing their true colors from time to time. Thanks, Scott.

*Randy ~ how he imagines the folks on WTR to look like. Intersting.

*More interesting picture commentary of the people on the show.

~Lamont (of Lamont and Tonelli) Hollywood's real name is: Todd Fryfogle. Paul Tonelli~

*Girl wrote in about her new beau and how they have not yet done the dirty. They're watching a movie together at her apartment, and they start to head to home run, but her neighbors start to go at it loudly and "throw a wrench in" whatever it was they had going. HOW does this dude get turned off by others making animal sounds.

Offspring: New song Hammerhead you heard it first here. 'Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace' being released June 17. They will be in here Wednesday morning to be interviewed on the show. Caller compares this song to a Motorhead tribute band, even though he's not "hating" on it.

News & Sports:
>Barack and Clinton Week: hour long appearances on rival networks.

>Indiana great ideas - Tony Zirkle 38 year old lawyer wants to draft dead-beat dads, uniting on anti-semitism. "Jews are responsible for all porno and prostitutions." Black men are porno stars, bring back racial segregation. Way to go, psycho.

>A teenager gives birth and then goes to hospital - Was in the shower and gave birth to a baby boy. She then walked 4 blocks to the hopsital with the baby was still attached by its umbilicle chord. The mother's name is Xochitl pronounced SOE-chee. (I think? Thanks for all the calls!)

>Machine attacked a man in Florida. He called 911 with his toes since his arms were caught in the machine. Wow, a cell phone that got a signal!

>Microsoft something. Yahoo stock - yuck. Go Google!

>Lori & Chris Coble lost 3 kids in an car accident a year ago. They just had triplets and they are doing well! Weird.

>Sharks LOST Boooooooo!!

>A's got 1 win.

>Eight Belles was euthanized on the track after she broke both her front ankles. She was the only female on the track and she came in second. Hilary Clinton bet on 8Bells, but she obviously didn't win. Big Brown won.

Dumbass Contest (2 winners)

Mexican or Puerto Rican?

Winners won: Infineon Raceway Kawasaki AmA Tickets

Happy Happy Story! [Cue happy music]

Phoenix, AZ ~ an 8 year old boy was killed by falling on a goal post at a field at YMCA. What?!

Music & Entertainment:

>Iron Man = HUGE at the box office. Tony liked daht, 100 hats to them.

>Pearl Jam is in studio!

>Metallica intends tp release a new album in September and a tour near after.

>Snipes not ready to go to jail.

>Uma's insane stalker... A man on trial for stalking Uma put himself on the stand to explain that he was attempting to contact Uma so she had the opportunity to meet him and for him to meet her. He told her family that he would kill himself if he didn't meet her. It comes as no surprise that he was a former mental patient.

Wheel of Stabbing Stories + Drinking Stories
*Threats of beating up someone after their beer supply ran out! This went down at a homeless shelter. Excellent.
London - a man was stabbed whilst waiting in line to buy Grand

Theft Auto IV. He planned to do a revenge stabbing after he was attacked.
*Tennessee - 2 guys walking to get gas for their stalled car. Both men ended up in jail, one with minor stab wounds from a pocket knife.
*After stiffing a cab driver and staying out past curfew, a 15 year old passenger slashes the cabby's throat in Minneapolis.
*Guam - Jay Walker was kickin' it with his dad drinking one afternoon. They get to the last can of beer and Jay wanted to fight for it because he ends up whipping out a machete to "win" the last can of beer.
*Albaqurque NM - a woman accused of chasing her BF with a knife after thinking her BF was in a porno they were watching. Of course, it ened up not even being him in the film.

Crazy drinking stories: Yup. They sure were crazy. Check out Justin.tv for more juicey details!
*Someone's friend was a bouncer - the night came to an end they get wasted. Then they go inside and his buddy sleeps on the couch. He has a big burly black roommate, and the buddy ont he couch dreams about all these girls. He kinda wakes up to find that it's the big burly guy on him. Oral. EW.

*Morning-After a black-out Saturday night. She did the walk of shame in front of a church that was moving locations. Mortified to walk in frond everyone at the house of God. I hate walk of shame.
*Was wasted on the beach this weekend - drove his lifted Chevy straight into the ocean. Wasn't paying attention and high tide came in!! He can't make it to Cinco de Mayo at Tres Gringos with us 'cuz his car is in the shop.

*Sent in from Sketchy (who sent me awesome Japanese tea): ok so 21st bday starting at my buddies bar. Drink about 15 beers, goto starbucks to get some coffee to prolong the night, get in a fight with two brothers ended quick, then went to another bar got kicked out of there for drinking straight from the tap, break into an abandoned movie theater somehow and pass out in the isles. Next story: get in a fight with my neighbor over something i dont remember (drunk obviously) then proceed to got the gas station and buy 10 gallons of gas take all the stuff in his yard throw it in the pool and light the M'r F'r on fire. Another story: rented a car in TJ which got trashed in passenger seat (car was convertable le baron) hit a cow at about 80, decapitated cow, head landed in the back seat next to a friend he woke up to a cow head laying next to him, somehow we were still alive. Ew!

> A NYC police horse throw his officer off and wanders back to his stables. They were 8 blocks away from the stables, his home.

>Parents left their child in their car for 2 hours while they attended the kentucky derby. Yay.

Crap on Celebrities:

>Ugly Betty's getting Britney Spears. Boooo. Who cares?

>Lindsey Lohan's mug shot: some kind of Ad Campaign

>Pam Anderson has an estate sale that ends up moving over to a Malibu HS campus. Whatever.

>Lisa Presley is upset about a comment made by a UK gossip mag about her eating habits that forced an early public statement of her pregnancy. Whatever, she's not going to get any money out of it just an apology, as the magazine publicly apologized for their hurtful comments comparing her eating (as a pregnant woman) to her late father, Elvis "the King."

Celebrity Birthdays

Chris Brown - Brooke Hogan - Tina Yothers - Brian Williams - Kurt Loder - Anne B. Davis (Alice of The Brady Bunch)

Porno Birthdays

Brooke Assley. Eggsellent!

Madden has REM Tickets. Why does the Bay Area suck at winning tickets?! Madden will tell you.

Grade Today's Show: 25.8% A / and technically we earned an F

Today's Just the Headline: "Cinco de Mayo rescheduled for May 2nd."

Sweet Jesus

2008-05-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

Eating Chinese food for breakfast. Hoot.

Today's Intern: Andrea

*Fine China and the Vagina ~ Images of female organs on fine diningware... Cripes, this is really special. Insert multiple clever tasteless "eating-out" jokes here.
*John McCain in the news for allegedly called his wife a "C-" word.
*Airlines are adding time to in-air time, so flights are slowing down. Altitude assignment ATC is an advisor the pilot has the final say of the aircraft's altitude.

Who Knew?

A recent study conducted by the Centers for Diease Control and Prevention discovered that 99,000 people die annually from contracting a disease at the hospital when they're there to be treated.
Scientists in australia, apple won't turn brown when exposed to oxygen. leave it out for hours!!
Study found that 58% of black children & 56% of hispanic children cannot swim
Common Household Bacteria: your computer keyboard! About 1 in 10 people do not clean their keyboard & about 1 in 5 people do not clean their mouse. These items are X times dirtier than a toilet seat.

E-mails:
*Mark in London!! Emails his love for us. And we cap on poor sweet British Mark because in the UK they only have Channel One and BBC something or other. But still, we love Mark cuz he loves us. Thanks, mate! (Yeah, that's Big Ben. I'm doing a Fantastic job, what are you talking about?)
*Clayton writes to the Bone to say farewell to Lamont & Tonelli for becoming stale, boring, and tired. He explains that he will no longer be listening to the Bone for his morning show entertainment, and will rather Lamont Hollywood replies with a, "I'm happy to lose you, Clate. They need one listener." Cracks us up, since according to the freshly released quarterly ratings, they could use an extra listener or two... Pfffft.
*Tony Creeper Email (Re: the Katie saga yesterday) HR heads up and legal department. Just being forewarned... People are STILL creeped out by that whole fiasco, if you will.
*WIKIPEDIA: Baron, at Boston College, has added us to wikipedia so we have a page now. Sweet and thank you! ^_^

News & Entertainment:
>Vallejo 'DC Madam' did not want to be arrested to the point that she hanged herself in a shed and left behind at least two suicide notes.
>13 kids go the extra mile to score their friend a date for prom. They dropped their pants to expose a message spelled out on their butt cheeks. Something to the effect of "Will you go to prom with me?" Awwww. Who doesn't enjoy or adore letters on butt cheeks?
>Principal tries to control public displays of affection at a high school in Memphis by listing couples he was aware of publicly. On the list was a couple of two boys who had not yet 'come out' on their own accord. Yes, the list was truthful, but the boys experienced immediate difficulty as a result of being outted by the school principal. It must be a cold day in hell, 'cuz Greg actually agrees with something the ACLU has stated.
>An 18 year old boy was reported missing by his frantic mother. He turned up in Santa Cruz Mountains high on mushrooms and acid. After a $10,000 search his father reports that he'll proabably be punishing his son with no car for a while. High five.
>A man in Texas was charged with fruad of a $360 billion check. He claimed that his girl friend's monther gave him the check to help him start a record business. The woman denied the statement and claimed he had no right to any of her checks. He was charged with fruad, carrying a weapon, and marijuana.
>Sex Seminar at Univ Wisconsin was CANCELLED as the school did not want any sex merchandise sold on campus. The seminar was supposed to feature a women's sexual reproductive education - blah blah blah. Woody reminds us that his friend at Brown University attended a fisting class.

Pointless Listener Poll:

Is the Principal in the wrong for posting this list?

87.7% Yes, he did a no-no

12.3% No, he did the right thing

>A's scored 30 runs against the Angels. They still lost.

>NHL: Sharks, Rangers

>NBA Playoffs detroit eliminated philly

>Elimiation:

>Jose Canseco. What?

>$58 Million...

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)

Rock band, Race horse, or Porno movie?

Winner won: T-shirt

*Cashew Weiner on EBay. Yum Yum. I got confused from hearing part of the story and answering phones, this whole time I was looking up a penis shaped cashew. Oops, can't look up a cashew shaped penis. Imagination time...

*CACA Story: A 130 million year old doodie sold for $1000 to a man in Ohio. Sweet, dude. Poop is wonderful.

Today's Guest! Greg Proops
Who will be at the Punch Line
Friday May 2 and Saturday May 3

Show times for both dates: 8pm & 10pm

He will be performing with Joe Klocek and Nick Santos.
444 Battery Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

415.397.4337

Exciting stuff from Greg Proops - what's new and wonderful? He's been on Bob the Builder. He IS Bob the Builder. Doy. Discussions of Facebook, Twitter, etc etc etc Texting, AIM. Blah. Here's a YouTube song about Facebook advised by a caller.

White Gangsters: Wiggas - What is UP with this movement?

*Icy Hot Stuntaz
*Wanna-be Gotti Wanna-bes
*Solja Boy - Calvary Kids cover of Solja Boy's Superman song - both versions, frankly, make me want to pour hot motor oil down my ear holes. *tear*
*Scraper Bike - music video that a caller thought was funny
*The grills and bling that are making today's youth run themselves into WAAAAY debt!
The Story: 7 year old boy in Florida steals a car and ran over two mail boxes, hit to running cars near WalMart: The reporter wanted to know if the little boy knew he could have killed somebody and his reply was, "Yes, but it's fun to do bad things. I wanted to do hood rat stuff with mah friends."
~Parenting: race & discipline conversation (again)~
Florida 18 year old was arrested for forcing his gramma to be in his Gangsta Video. A Gangsta Video is a home made video where people act hard and wave guns, or shoot them, and whatever. "Represent" and the DVD featured his grandmother wearing a ski mask waving around a .22 gun saying lines like "insert gangsta wors here."

News & Entertainment:
>Iron Man comes out today. Some ppl were lucky enough to see it already. Sweet. *shrug* They all seem to have Loved it!
>Sex in the City Movie comes out on May 30th. Followed by Indiana Jones XXXIIIVVV (j/k). So Sarah Jessica Parker and Harrison Ford are the male and female actors the public is most excited to see this summer (respectively). Getting it?
>BATMAN!!!! with dearly beloved recently departed, Heathy :( For you readers out there, my FAVORITE superhero of ALL time hands down is Mr. Bruce "Batman" Wayne.
>Oh noe's! Speed Racer isn't getting a big following. Ugh. Too bad, the original cartoon was better anyway.
>Hell Boy II comes out this summer. Another sexy comic turned movie that I thoroughly enjoy(ed) and plan on enjoying again!

Jan Wahl, Hat Lady and Movie Reviewer Extraordinaire!

*Iron Man - Robert Downey Jr. FTW ... somewhat underwritten to the non-comic book fan. She said it was a good casting call. Thanks for the calls - Tony was thinking "Warmachine." Qualifying topic for nerdeliciousness. How many Hats you ask? I missed it... 3 or 4 i think...

*Jan also saw and reviewed a second movie for today's segment, but the IronHeads kept the phone lines tied for a second, this is NOT HATE you nerds, just being honest and rationalizing. And Then She Found Me -

*Barf on Maid of Honor looks so DUMB and Lamez0r

*Wal-E looks ADORABLE

*Least interesting movie coming out according to a poll: Speed Racer looks RETARDED! lol

Crap on Celebrities

>Angelina Jolie's no-no video leaked!! Lol video of her doing heroin and "it's not that cheap crap" as she states in the video. I personally don't think this is going to F her career. Because it's not a

>Dennis Rodman arrested for suspicion of domestic violence. Surprised? Don't be.

>Jason Biggs got married.

>Mariah Carrie - Nick Cannon gave her a whatever HUGE 17 carrat $2.5 million ring, bling bling. They're on the fritz to break up?

Celebrity Birthdays

* Six from Blossom (Jenna von Oi) is 31 * David Beckham 33 * the Rock * Lance Bass * Mike Dirnt is 36 *

Porno Birthdays

Rocco Italian porn God - 44

Celeste porno prostitute - 36

Official Woody Weekly Friday Song:

3.1% Ravey's Song - Anti-Flag (wha~? punk!?) 'Bright Lights of America'
Menace's Song - Luniz 'I got 5 On It' is this week's winner (White Menace FTW)
9.1% Greg's Song - Ministry (cover of bob dylan) 'Lay, Lady, Lay'
5.9% Tony's Song - Busta Rhymes 'Put Some Water on Them, Don't Touch Me'

33.9% Woody's Song - Bon Jovi (reppin' NJ) 'Livin' on a prayer'

Friday Pluggs:

Tony - going to, uh, some theater to see Iron Man

Greg - goes to Lafyette - Live 105 Hummer

Menace - off to Rubio's for some fish taco's

Ravey - at Bay Meadow's kentucky durby in Berkeley

Woody - high in the sky, SFO to STL

Hollah!

Grade Today's Show: 0% A